GUIDELINES FOR THE Practical Book Review: James Petersen

By

Jacqueline McCluskey
Student ID: L24900116

Presented to Dr. Gordon Bals

In partial fulfillment of the requirements of

Introduction to Pastoral Counseling

PACO 500

Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary
Lynchburg, VA
February 3, 2012

PRACTICAL BOOK REVIEW ONE: James Peterson

My Summation
In the first part of his book, Dr. Petersen introduces the reader to Flat-Brain Theory of Emotions. Through this theory, he explains how emotions, thinking and relating abilities work and how what goes on inside of us comes out in the ways we communicate and act (Petersen 2007, 8). It is through the Flat-Brain Theory that the reader gets an understanding of why at times it is difficult to communicate with others. Also through this theory he explains how when a person’s emotions go into overload how it affects the way they think and interact with others. According to Petersen, emotional and relational overload can negatively affect the ability to hear, see, and speak (23-30).
Within the Flat-Brain Theory the stomach begins to expand because it becomes overloaded with different emotions. These emotions then press the heart functions into bricks in the chest, which negatively hinders the ability to relate. This then affects the brain causing it to flatten. The brain becomes pressed against the skull resulting in our thinking, hearing, and seeing to be off. Therefore, the flat-brain person can’t hear well, see accurately, think straight, or act sensibly (23).
Petersen gives four goals to counter the flat-brain syndrome: reduce the emotional disturbance, clarify thinking, increase self-confidence, and build supportive friendships (31). These four goals are accomplished by listening well to each other and through counseling. Listening well will also improve our relationships.
The flat-brain tango is when two people instead of listening well to each other, one person begins to attack while the other person launches a defense. To opt out of the flat-brain tango one would implement the double-reverse-twist (42). Petersen also introduces the talker/listener cards. This is where the people involved take turns talking and listening to each other. These cards can be used in a one-on-one situation or in a group setting. The talk side says: I am the most bothered. I own the problem. The goals are to share your feelings and thoughts. It suggests sharing without judging, attacking, labeling or accusing. The listener side says: I am calm enough to hear. I do not own the problem. The goals are accomplished without agreeing, disagreeing, advising, or defending (51).
Petersen goes on to offer inform the reader of other communication traps: Ritual listening, Perry Masons, “Why?”, “Not?”, “I understand”, and “Yes, but.” He goes on to explain when the “Yes, but…” helps and when the communication traps are reversed. He then gives the reader some basic listening techniques, as well as special circumstances listening techniques.
My Reflection Upon learning about the Flat-Brain Theory, I can look back over different relationships where this flat-Brain theory has taken place. And as Petersen explains defense/attack have the same effect. I have found myself on the attack as well as the in the defense mode. As recently as this week, I had a flat-brain experience. I was in conversation with my mother, explaining to her that she cannot talk to my sister or me like she did when we lived in her house. That we are all adults and that she cannot be disrespectful in talking to us and think we have to accept it. I shared with her some things about her parenting that were very hurtful/harmful to me and my sister. This caused my mother to go into attack mode. I shared with her that we should be able to talk about those things that happened that are ugly or considered taboo. I shared with her that I understood she did the best she could with what she had, but she had continued the cycle of abuse that she suffered. I explained to her that her version of my childhood and my versions are very different (night and day). After she went into attack mode and I went into defense mode. The whole thing got way out of control. At that point neither one of us was listening to the other. So after all of that we got off the phone. At the time this was going on I was not thinking about this book and what I had learned about this theory. Well, I thought my mother and I had come to some type of agreement. Then the next day she texted me a very ugly letter. Thank God for Holy Spirit and for this assignment. After talking to her the day before, I had attempted to work on this assignment. Through this assignment the Lord allowed me to see that I had allowed myself to become a flat-brain. I repented to the Lord for missing it and allowing myself to respond to her. I shared with God that I did not want to be that way and to help me to change. Later the next night, I see this letter. Immediately the flat-brain theory came to mind and I decided to opt out. I did not respond to the letter and I acknowledge that it is not my problem. To be honest I don’t think the talk/listen card would have worked in this case. As Petersen discusses the need to win, I realized that she was more concerned with gaining control over me. This negative need to win in relationships shows up when we put winning ahead of treating others with respect, when we give up discussing issues in favor of attacking character and motives, and when we defend ourselves by putting people down (39). Petersen shares that when a person is in flat-brain, that we shouldn’t hold what they say against them (www.petersenpublication, 6). This statement helped me because when my flesh wanted to respond, the Lord brought this statement back to my mind.
My Investigation After this situation, I could relate to the flat-brain theory. This theory will help me when it comes to relating to people that I am in personal relationship with such as: my husband, my children, my sister, and my mother. The cards located in the back of the book will come in handy when dealing with my immediate family. This way we all can work on our communication skills as well as becoming more effective in our listening skills. Petersen shares his knowledge and experience through this book. Reading through it he doesn’t mention the Bible or scriptures and the main part of the book. He does mention is pastoral counseling in the Acknowledgements section of the book. Some of his knowledge came from his experience within his own family as well as his ministry. He learned the difference between feelings and thoughts from Dr. Thomas Carson Jackson and he discovered how to accurately reflect acceptance and empathy from Dr. John L. Butler (Petersen 2007, 217). And it was through Dr. Mike Giamatteo that he learned the difference between the roles of talking, listening, and observing (217).
My Application
The book of James, instructs us to be doers of the Word of God and not hearers only. This book is full of good information, as well as useful tools and techniques. I will be using some of the information, tools, and techniques mentioned. I will help me not only in my relationship with others but also in my relationship with the Lord. He is speaking but many are not listening. I want to get all He has for me therefore; I need to improve my listening skills. We are also instructed to be quick to hear and slow to speak. For many of us it is just the opposite, we are quick to speak and slow to listen. This is what Petersen calls ritual listening, they look like they are listening but they are just waiting for the other person to stop speaking so they can take over.
I am often misunderstood. And I have very guilty of interrupting while someone is talking to response to what they are saying. I have been guilty of being a ritual listener, just waiting for the person to be quiet so I could speak before I lose the thought.
According to the DISC personality blend graph 1, I am an S-type and on graph 2, I am a high S/C-type (7 gift/DISC Profile 2009). It says my personality is closest to S. I don’t agree with all of it because of the way one of the surveys was set-up. Before getting married, I would have agreed with the shy and stable. But since being married, God has used my husband to cause me to have to come out of being passive and not speaking up for myself. I was surprised that I scored higher in the S-type than some of the other types.
I have already started taking action and making the necessary changes to be the person God has called me to be. I have had to stop running from responsibility and accept that God has called me to this position. My temperament is melancholy but according to this profile it was something different. There are areas that I will agree with and will put forth the effort to make the necessary changes.
Not only will I use these tools and techniques personally, but I will also use them as I counsel others. I will also use the assessments to help others to know how they fit in the body of Christ. Overall, this book was very helpful and will be placed in my library.
References

Petersen, James C. 2007. Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating and Connecting in Relationships. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications. http://petersenpublications.com Practical Book Review Grading Rubric

Criteria | Points Possible | Points Earned | General | Paper adheres to TRS formatting (title page, in-text citations, References page, etc.) Correct File Name. Rubric pasted in. | 10 | | Writing is clear with appropriate grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Headings are appropriately labeled. | 10 | | Summation (no more than 500 words) | The author and chapter(s) are identified. | 10 | | Concise summation with no personal reflection on content is provided. | 10 | | Reflection (no more than 250 words) | Personal life experience is applied. 1st person usage (“I” is used). | 10 | | Investigation (no more than 300 words) | Discussion regarding how the material interfaces with model of personhood and assessment is present | 10 | | Thought-provoking questions are posed. | 10 | | Positives and negatives are discussed. | 10 | | Application (no more than 300 words) | Details are included concerning how this information informs the process of checking/controlling student’s particular DISC relational style. 1st person (“I”) usage is appropriate. | 10 | | There is a description that indicates what action will be taken or what changes the student is going to make to influence his/her personal and professional growth and development. 1st person (“I”) usage is appropriate | 10 | | Total: | 100 | |

Instructor’s comments: