Haunted by Premarital Sex
How we found healing after four years of marriage
Brian and Heather Jamison
Due to the downplay of the negative effects of consensual premarital sex by both the secular world and well-meaning Christians, its consequences are often ignored and allowed to wreak havoc in marriages and other relationships over extended periods of time. As time moves forward, it can be difficult for a couple to dig down to the heart of the problem.
But intimacy in marriage can be reclaimed. It involves acknowledging past sin, receiving and giving forgiveness for it, and rebuilding the marital foundation.
Four Keys to Reclaiming Intimacy
1. Acknowledgment.
Reclaiming intimacy that has been lost from the effects of premarital sex must begin with an honest acknowledgment of sin. Premarital sex isn't a mistake. It isn't an accident. It isn't just an unwise action. It is sin. Rationalizing it by way of age, circumstances, naivete, or any other manner does nothing to undo the reality that it was a personal choice to rebel against God.
Early in our marriage, we justified our previous immorality with the idea that neither of us had been sexually active with anyone else and that we had planned to get married to each other someday anyway. We both saw premarital sex simply as an early consummation of our marriage.
Not until we acknowledged before God that every bit of pleasure, fulfillment, and esteem we had achieved through premarital sex was stolen at the expense of Christ were we truly repentant. Repentance involves a change of mind about our actions and in so doing leaves no room for residual pleasure through memories or associated emotions.
2. Receiving forgiveness.
During the time of Old Testament sacrifices, the Israelites set aside one day a year to serve as the Day of Atonement for their sin. After offering the sacrifices for sin, a priest would take an unblemished goat and place his hands upon the goat's head. He then confessed the sins of the Israelites transferring guilt to the goat.
The goat was then taken outside of the city walls far away from any civilization and left to die a slow and agonizing death alone. This death served to remove the Israelites' sin guilt. It also paints a picture of the true sacrifice of Jesus, who, unblemished with sin, died a slow and agonizing death outside the city walls to remove the guilt of our sin.
