Hannah
Professor Peers
English 101
September 24, 2015
Abusive Relationship
Elementary days are over. I’m excited for middle school; to meet new people from different schools, make new friends, and play sports for the school. I couldn’t imagine meeting someone who would want to hurt me as bad as he did, and it took me five years down the road to realize it’s time to put yourself first and open your eyes. What’s happening to you isn’t normal. He walks into class, I immediately have this attraction, and something about him intrigues me. I flirt and show him I’m interested, I’m surprised he showed interest back. I’ve never expected a guy like him to be in a long term relationship. This is where trouble begins. I’ve made enemies. Being this young, harmless and innocent I know thought having people not like at this age was a thing. Not only now have I ruined a relationship but it’s the beginning of a life I never saw myself living.
It’s been a year now, everything between us is great and never felt anything more real in my life. I’ve come to find out that he’s more experienced with thing you thought were inappropriate at this age, thing’s I knew I was not exactly ready for; but the “love” I had for him was so powerful not giving myself up to him didn’t seem right at this point, “Why not give this a try, when I can already see myself with him for a while if not forever”. Sounds crazy right? Fourteen years old and I already think I’ve found my soulmate. After thing’s got intimate the “love” grows stronger; we’re both starting to become jealous, trust is being questioned, not because of me, with him. Every which way I turn I hear that he’s touching other girl’s behind my back in his classes, he has another cell phone which not only does he talk to me on sometimes but he’s sending and receiving inappropriate pictures to other girls. I worry, I started to feel like I was the one who’s done something wrong, and I wasn’t good enough for him. That wasn’t the case, I’m just ignoring the signs. I’ve began to feel like I’m changing, becoming crazy and everyone sees it; I’ve lost my friends, my family is worried about what’s going on with me and I just push them away. I’m officially in this alone. It’s 2010, I and he are now starting high school together. An even bigger fish tank, this is the time I’ve been waiting for, wanting all the older kids to like me, but they already see right through me, they’ve heard about you. “You’re crazy!” Our relationship is going on three years now, it went from great to okay in a matter of a blink of an eye. I don’t know who I am or he is anymore. “What’s happening”? High school only started a few months ago and I’m already starting to see, hear, and feel different things, something I thought was so perfect is just falling apart right before my eyes. My friends are already starting to tell me thing I don’t want to believe, I’ve asked him about those things, he denies all of it, of course kind of like I already intended him to, but yet I’m so oblivious I believe him. My friends then again start to push away from me, thinking I’m stupid, which I might be, but who would want to believe that someone who you gave the world to would do such things to hurt you? Not me. I’ve officially reached my breaking point. I’ve became a monster. People really do mean it when they say love makes you crazy! I wanted to always be with him to know what he was doing, to make sure no other girls were involved besides me, checking his phone, asking questions. I’m at the age now where I should know that relationships aren’t meant to be like this, and I stayed around why? I finally saw messages, emails, and talked to the other girls myself; I still have yet to understand why this is happening. This is when everything starts to hit rock bottom, when I should’ve just walked away and been proud of myself but I didn’t. I found every excuse to just stay around and it only got worse from there. Every time something was questioned, or made a sarcastic remark about everything that’s been done things got physical, name calling was thrown around words I told myself that couldn’t hurt me, hurt me more than ever now. I’m terrified, yet I keep finding little things to keep me around. Things are becoming even more physical, I don’t want him to even touch me anymore after all this and these rumors. I feel disgusted with myself and disgusting, and I couldn’t get away, I say no or I don’t want to and I get choked, it takes place anyway because I can’t breath and have no other choice. I’ve wanted to hurt myself now because how can someone be so stupid to not get out of this. It’s now the summer going into my senior year and I’m focused more than ever on soccer and doing better in school, the last and final rumor comes around the corner and this one hit me in a way the other ones didn’t, maybe because I was ready to let go; I’ve finally became strong enough to say this is enough, I’m done being treated this way and I’m done with you I’m going to live my life.
Going into senior year I have my head up high believing in myself and have a few friends along the way, seeing him around is hard but I’m constantly reminding myself that I deserve better things, and it’s so far getting me by. Before I knew it a boy I’ve known since middle school but never really talked too stepped into my life and showed me what a man really is and how I should be treated. He supported me at soccer games, with the rest of the school year, and is still in my life today as of three years to help me through college and life in general. I thank him for making me a better person and showing me how strong I am, I don’t know where I would be in life now without him. I hope my story here helps girls everywhere, don’t ignore the signs, don’t ever think you’re in love in middle school because at that age you don’t know what love is yet, don’t ever let someone downgrade you and make you feel less than what you are; you’ve done nothing wrong, he’s not good enough for you. In the end you will find love whether its high school like for me or in your twenties, thirties, or even forties. Let’s also look back on those boys that hurt us mentally, physically, and emotionally and thank them also. Why? Because without them we wouldn’t have become the strong women we are today.