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Reflective Essay: The Outpatient Program

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Reality didn’t really set in until Dr. Tuesek was staring me in the face, and told me “Katherine, you are two pounds away from your organs starting to shut down.” Even in that moment, that little voice in my head said “Okay, annnnd ???” Like this wasn’t life changing, life threatening news. That is when I realized that I had a problem. My mom was in the office with me so of course, being the wonderful human she is, jumped into the conversation to figure out what needed to be done. I really believe that if it weren’t for her, I would be extremely sick or worse. I didn’t want to believe I had an eating disorder, so I tried to ignore the doctor, ignore my family and just continue living the same way I had been my whole life. I was never this sick …show more content…
I knew that in order for me to continuing my progress I needed to have those solid things in my life. I spent a week and a half talking to my counselors, weight monitors, doctors, and parents getting them all to understand that I am not someone who thrives when their reality is falling apart. Finally, they transferred me to the outpatient program. This gave me a sense of hope, and achievement because I didn’t need as much help as before. The outpatient program was everyday, from 4 o’clock in the afternoon to 8 o’clock at night. It was mostly just group and personal therapy rather than that plus the meal and weight monitoring. I quickly got a different job, reconnected with friends and met a bunch of new wonderful people, and I brought all my grades up to passing or above! The second I transferred to the outpatient program my life started to turn around. I was doing really well maintaining and gaining weight, eating healthy, and working out, but there was still this emptiness I felt in my stomach. It wasn’t hunger, obviously, I know that feeling all too well. This was something different, this was deeper than …show more content…
Everyday has been a struggle to remember to eat, and eat the right foods. No matter what, I always make sure to have at least one filling meal a day. I am a part of a thread on the national eating disorder website and there are many people that struggle with personal recovery. It is very helpful to know I am not alone through this challenging process. One post mentions “No matter how badly we want to get better, when we're left to our own devices, we often resort to the systems that feel safest—what we know”(Recovering). Through this thread I have found really helpful advice and tools to stick to a meal plan and continue succeeding. I made a promise to myself that if I ever got to or under 95 pound again I would sign up for an online anonymous community and an outpatient program. I know what steps need to be taken and I have overcome my fear of telling the people close to me. Therefore, they are aware of the situation, but are letting me handle it on my own.. Unless ti gets out of control

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