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Revision Letter

In:

Submitted By marialulu
Words 919
Pages 4
Dear Professor Dockter,
The essay that I have chosen to revise for assignment #4 is the profile essay. In this particular essay, the objective of the writer was successfully interviewing and presenting a member of a community. A member is a small part of an identity to the community. The community I selected was the Pascua Yaqui Tribe, and the specific member was Daniel Vega, a director of the language and culture department.
In revising this essay, I feel that a principal global factor that the paper lacked was organization. Organization is a key component that molds an essay. According to Rules for Writers, “these patterns (sometimes called methods of development) have different uses, depending on the writers subject and purpose” (35) explaining that it depends on the type of essay I am trying to convey to the audience. The essay was short of an appropriate organization as far as an outline. I went back to the basics and rewrote my topic sentences, as well as my support and details briefly. It provided me with a basic knowledge of exactly what my paper was going to look like and consist of. With this exercise, I was able to recognize the details and the evidence that belong to other sections of the essay. Since this is a profile essay, it contains a mix of organizations to utilize: description, narration and includes a slight bit of process. It relies on what you are including in the profile. With these organizations, I am able to combine the essence of their purposes, and create the profile that will exemplify these styles. Another aspect that I am revising is coherency. Although the writer has a sense of what they want to convey throughout the paper, the reader is not able to understand without nothing more than the context of the essay. It is all the information that is available to the reader at the moment, there is no background

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