Revision Practice
COM 156
Wk. 5 Assignment

There are several changes that can be made to this paper. The first change that can be made is in the first paragraph where it reads “and was thought to be a contender to earn an academy award nomination. Ultimately that honor was not bestowed on the film, “it could have read “with possibilities of an academy award nomination, but ultimately it did not receive this honor”. Another possible change could be where it reads “but it’s popularity and ability to elevate the comic book film, which is rarely associated with quality storytelling, remain” could read “It is a rare quality of storytelling that has the ability to elevate the comic book film’s popularity the way this film did.” Moving onto the second paragraph, the main change needed is to eliminate the run-on sentence that takes up over half of the paragraph. This sentence should read “Specifically the films writer and director, Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer. Heath Ledger earned an academy award for his role as the Joker in this movie; sadly it wasn’t till after he had passed away. The Joker was one of Heath’s last roles and an excellent performance it was.”
In the third paragraph instead of again listing the actors, the writer could have written; “While in most comic book movies the actors are not given any moments to showcase their acting abilities, this particular list of actors, while impressive, where able to showcase while excelling in their roles as well.” The fourth paragraph is again a combination of run-on sentences. Maybe they could have written “Following the established look of Batman Begins, The Dark Knight used a more restrained visual style then what was seen in the late 80s and 90s. This particular style was created by the use of subdued colors and a lot of darkness. The new style of two of the more recent Batman films were in a way a successful attempt to distance the franchise from any negative connotations that Batman and Robin might have had.” This paper had a lot of run-on sentences. Plus you should never use Wikipedia as a source as it can be revised by anyone. After reading this paper, I would not go to see this movie. Besides the fact that this paper is a little confusing, it is not bad. But in reality it tells nothing of the movie itself. If a person is into specific actors or affects this paper would be a great persuasion to see the movie.

I was amused to notice that most of the corrections I thought needed to be made, were also those suggested by Write point. The use of Write point and the Plagiarism checker could not only have saved the student points resulting in a better grade, but it would have caught the citation error before the final draft. The student should have read the course syllabus to be sure of the specific requirements the instructor wanted. If they had read it, the student would have known not to use Wikipedia as a reliable source and possibly have had the correct number of words as well.

Teresa Clark clarkteresa70@phoenix.edu clark_teresa_70@yahoo.com
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