Role of Conflict and Power
BSHS 385
April 27, 2015
Dr. Barbara Hughson

Role of Conflict and Power
Fifty Shades of Grey is an erotic romance novel released in 2011 written by author E.L. James. The story looks at the deepening relationship between a recent college graduate, Anastasia Steel, and young business tycoon, Christian Grey. The book also explains the relationships of Anastasia and her roommate Kate, Christian and his relationship with his family, and also looks at Christian’s abusive relationship he had with Elena Lincoln who is also his business partner. I am going to look at the communication between the characters of this book and describe the power and conflict issues that have been highlighted. I will also discuss how self- disclosure existed between Ana and Christian.
Christian Grey is the male character of the book and the love interest to Anastasia (Ana). To the world, he appears to be a young, very handsome, charming, and business savvy man but he has a secret dark side since he secretly practices BDSM. Christian was abused as a child that he continues to have nightmares about into his adulthood. He was adopted by Dr. Grace and Carrick Grey, who also adopted Mia and Elliot as well. Christian had violent mood swings as an adolescent and eventually took a landscaping job for his mother’s friend Elena Lincoln. Elena seduced Christian and introduced him to the BDSM lifestyle, which he says taught him how to control his emotions and channel his anger. Christian eventually went into business with the loan Elena gave him. He continued to practice BDSM and had 15 submissive relationships prior to meeting Ana.
Anastasia “Ana” Steele is the female character in the book. She is the primary love interest of Christian, with whom she finds true love. At the beginning of the book, Ana is a senior at Washington State University. She lives with her best friend, Kate Kavanagh. Ana is a stubborn but shy and kind-hearted woman who loves to read books. She is very insecure about her looks and does not see her natural beauty. She prefers to keep to herself since she sees herself as a misfit. To Christian, she is gorgeous and alluring, but she is shown to be insecure about being slim and pale.
Kate Kavanagh is Ana’s best friend and roommate. Kate gets into a relationship with Elliot Grey, who she meets at a bar and is the only serious relationship she has been in. Kate and Ana met as freshman in college and have been roommates for four years. Kate comes from a very wealthy family and is an aspiring journalist. She obtains an internship after graduation with the Seattle Times. Kate gets an interview with Christian but because she is sick she is unable to attend the interview and send Ana in her place. Kate points out the behavior of Christian when he is around Ana and feels he is controlling or dangerous. Kate was initially supportive of the relationship between Christian and Ana until she notices changes in Ana’s demeanor.
Elena Lincoln is Christian’s longtime friend and business partner. She was also the person who introduced him to the BDSM lifestyle at a young age. Ana gives Elena the nickname of Mrs. Robinson when she discovers what she did to Christian as a teen. Elena acted as his dominant for six years, and Christian believes this intervention was therapeutic for him. Ana believes that Elena took advantage of a disturbed teen and calls her a pedophile. Elena tries to ruin the relationship between Christian and Ana by convincing Christian to surprise Ana on her vacation in Georgia, but it didn’t work.
To me, this book opens the door to much discussion on communication in relationships. This book and also the movie was a hot topic to many because of the controversy of the BDSM relationship and also the abusive nature of the book. Intimacy is strong through this book and intimacy is more than just sex. Floyd (2012) states, “Intimacy means significant emotional closeness that we experience in a relationship, whether romantic or not.” Since intimate relationships require “deep commitment, foster interdependence, require continuous investment, and spark dialectical tensions,” (Floyd, 2012) this is shown throughout the book between Christian and Ana. They instantly had a connection even though it was a bit awkward during their first meeting. Christian slowly allows Ana into his world of BDSM. Even on their first date, Christian has Ana sign a non-disclosure agreement that doesn’t allow Ana to discuss anything that they do together. Christian is very open and honest with Ana about his desires and wants of the BDSM lifestyle and how he is not interested in a typical romantic relationship. Ana is open to Christian about her lack of knowledge about sexuality since she was still a virgin. Christian, however, is so intrigued by Ana that he breaks many of his rules he has for himself for Ana. He allows Ana to touch him, sleep in his bed, and also opens up to Ana about his dark past.
By Christian opening up to Ana, this shows how intimate their relationship has come to include some level of emotional commitment that is a sense of responsibility for each other’s feelings and emotional wellbeing. Christian and Ana throughout the book display social commitment as well by how much time they spend together with both their friends and family. Even though their relationship is not a typical one, Christian’s boundaries are changing from his typical relationships to the more open relationship he is building with Ana. This book also looks at the communication between friendships as well. Ana turns to her best friend Kate as much as she can. Even though Ana is unable to disclose many of the issues occurring in her relationship with Christian, Kate picks up on many of the nonverbal cues Ana is displaying. This alone shows the deep connection between Kate and Ana simply by understanding what Ana is trying to say nonverbally.
The role communication plays in Christian and Ana is detailed throughout the book. Before the relationship begins, Christian is very open to Ana about the BDSM lifestyle. He has Ana research the lifestyle so she can make an educated decision if this is something she would be willing to get into with Christian. They both discuss the boundaries of what will be acceptable and what hard no’s to both Ana and Christian are. This is not something seen in a typical relationship, but I feel if more couples would sit down and listen to what the other wants and feels then it would help more intimate relationships to become stronger. The communication between Kate and Ana was also well displayed in the book and to me, it felt how a typical friendship tends to be. Kate and Ana were very close friends and shared many secrets and feeling with each other. It is important to remember to stay completely involved in conversations with your friends. Kate and Ana display this throughout the book by the way they stay engaged and are not distracted by other things that may be occurring. They will give each other time to talk and do not interrupt each other. Kate also reflects back to Ana, which shows she is actually listening to what Ana has to say.
This book also shows much of the power and conflict issues between Christian and Ana. For Ana, who desire to have a “normal” relationship with Christian and for Christian, his desire to do what he knows by having Ana as a submissive. Every relationship is going to have some form of conflict from time to time. This is no different from Ana and Christian. By having some conflict will show you have an interdependent relationship according to Floyd. (Floyd, 2012) Floyd also states, “It means you affect each other; if you didn’t, you’d have no need for conflict in the first place. So, the conflict itself isn’t a bad thing.” Christian and Ana both expect something from each other so this also shows the power in the relationship since relationships are based on a power exchange. Christian wants to maintain the power by maintaining the control of the relationship and being dominant. He fears a healthy relationship, and what can happen by allowing Ana to break through the walls he has built from his rough childhood. However, Ana ends up with the power because she can walk away and leave what Christian is offering to her. Christian ends up going after her and slowly lets some of his walls down, so he can actually feel the love Ana has for him.
Self-disclosure is when a person intentionally reveals personal information to another person in the hope of assisting the other person in understanding their experiences, thoughts and feelings. Christian does plenty of self-disclosure throughout the book. He shares with Ana about his abusive childhood and also about his unhealthy relationship with Elena. He also discloses about his other BDSM relationships he had in the past. I feel because of the amount of information Christian revealed to Ana it helped build the trust between the two of them which ultimately allowed Christian to love truly Ana unlike any other woman from his past. The significance of self-disclosure is to talk about your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of both the past and present. Ana also discloses to Christian her feelings about being a submissive, even though she is willing to try it for Christian. She also isn’t afraid to express to Christian her real feelings about Elena especially when she calls her Mrs. Robinson. The benefits of self-disclosure can be to help make the relationship stronger, which was apparent with Christian and Ana. Another benefit is reciprocity because when one person shares something personal the other person may feel they can let their guard down and also disclose their own feelings. Lastly, by self-disclosing you may feel an emotional release. This was seen when Christian revealed his abusive childhood to Ana. This helped Ana to understand why Christian didn’t like to be touched and eventually it helped Christian to feel safe when Ana went to touch him.
Fifty Shades of Grey is not just a book about sex, like the media, and the phenomenon has been surrounding the book and the movie. If you look past the sex, there is a love story in this book. This book shows the communication between lovers, friends, and family dynamics. Power and conflict were throughout the book especially between Ana and Christian. Christian being the strong, young, and wealthy businessman and Ana being the young and naïve girl. Ana worked hard to break down the high emotional walls Christian had built over the 27 years of his life prior to meeting Ana. The book also shows the great relationship between Ana and Kate. It shows their ability to not only communicate through words but also by the ability to ready their nonverbal cues as well. Finally, the amount of self-disclosure throughout the story and how powerful self-disclosure can be to help build trust in any relationship.

References
Evans, D. R., Hearn, M. T., Uhlemann, M. R., & Ivey, A. E. (2011). Essential Interviewing: a Programmed Approach of Effective Communication (8th ed.). Independence, KY: Cengage Learning.
Floyd, K. (2012). Interpersonal Communication (2nd ed.). Burr Ridge, IL: McGraw-Hill Company.