“Free Personality Testing – Come this way!” read the sign out front of Scientology’s Castlereagh Street headquarters. As a sceptic, I thought it might be fun to give the test a try.

Ascending some steps, passing under Scientology’s silver cross, and entering a galley of video screens and bookshelves, I had the distinct feeling of being in a science fiction museum.

Approaching swiftly from starboard, was a smiling, and snappily dressed attendant, offering help.

She led me past the roped off office of church founder, L. Ron Hubbard. Presumably, the great man beams in from out-of-galaxy from time to time.

Soon, I was seated and presented with Scientology’s Oxford Capacity Analysis personality test: a battery of 200 questions asking how …show more content…
"Can you quickly adapt and make use of new conditions and situations even though they may be difficult?"

“Do you ever get a “dreamlike” feeling toward life when it all seems unreal?”

But question 113 concerned me.

" Would it take a definite effort on your part to consider the subject of suicide?"

After completing my test, I was seated at a glass backed booth facing a large video screen. Feeling like a visitor aboard the Starship Enterprise, I watched a short film outlining the dangers of the "Reactive Mind". Apparently, we’re plagued by subliminal and harmful thoughts, which we can eliminate using Scientology, eventually achieving a state of "Clear".
"Hi. I'm Scott*, come this way and we’ll check out your results".

Explaining that the results weren’t his opinion, but a “factual and scientific” analysis of my answers. (This phrase features in L. Ron Hubbard’s script from the 1960’s).

Presented as a graph, the results show ratings on a scale from -100 to +100 for attributes such as Stable/Unstable, Happy/Depressed, and Composed/Nervous. A small shaded area indicates the "normal" range. Above is a “Desirable State” and below is an “Unacceptable …show more content…
So shocking was my graph, in fact, that Scott should have called the police and an ambulance.

Somehow I scored a staggering -100 for depressed. I scored -98 for nervous, -96 for critical, and -86 for withdrawn, but managed to do well in Certainty, Active and Aggressive.

How could I score -100 score for Depressed? My responses indicated the lowest possible response for depression, confirmed Scott. Really? What about people with clinical depression?

Noticing Scott reading from a printout, I asked if I could see the explanations. "Oh my God", I murmured, as I read one by one, the following hammer blows to my character (my emphasis added).

"You see no real reasons to live as your life is full of problems and difficulties and that your despondent attitude prevents you from solving".

"You are in a complete state of nervousness.”

“You are very irritable and can become hysterical or violent in your actions."

"You are extremely unstable in