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Second Chance

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Submitted By amberswecker
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I was grateful when I graduated High School. School was a social event for me, not a learning experience. I don't know how I passed anyways considering I never went and when I did I never paid much attention. Needless to say I hated reading; actually despised it! It was such a waste of time. I decided to take a year off school to relax and then enroll in college. Little did I know that one year off was going to actually going to turn into seventeen years. A series of bad choices started a downward spiral that I needed a lot of help to get out of. I never thought that I was going to get most of my help from reading and writing. For many years, I followed the path that many generations of my family had gone down. It was in my blood and I knew it but I didn't think it would happen to me. This disease was not only destructive but it was fatal. I'm talking about addiction. It started slowly at the age of thirteen. It helped me take my mind off of my life and some very traumatic events. At first it was a here and there thing. Gradually it went to weekly using; before I knew it, it was daily. I didn't even realize that weeks, months, even years were flying by me. My whole day and night was consumed with the getting and using of drugs and alcohol. If I wasn't under the influence I acted like a bear woken up from hibernation. Noone could stand to be around me. My family Swecker 2

wouldn't even step into the same room for fear of an attack. With drive and self-esteem pretty much nonexistent I had succumb to the fact I was just going to be an addict like most of my family. I completely gave up on any hope for the future and had already fell into a daily routine of depression. I was devastating my family. After 16 years of this I had had enough. I didn't know what to do or how to stop but I couldn't live my life like this anymore. I was embarrassed to acknowledge how bad I had gotten, so I ended up living in pure misery for almost another year. It took a hospital stay for me to finally let go of my deep dark secret and scream out for help. My horrible secret was that I was addicted to alcohol and pot, and for the last year meth. Finally, the truth was out and I felt so much relief! I felt like I could finally breath again after almost being suffocated to death. Maybe now I could get better; maybe I could get another chance at this thing called life. I had been given a gift of treatment and was going to have better life, but it was going to take a lot of hard work. I was going to have to change everything about my life and learn a new way. This meant picking up books again and I was ready. Once I started reading and learning a different way I couldn't stop. I felt like I'd been starving myself of knowledge and I just couldn't get enough. The fog I had been living in for so many years was lifting and I could finally see again. The first thing I picked up was an N.A. book and I read it from cover to cover in two days. The next thing I knew I had to read that was imperative to my life was the Bible. This was the beginning of a love I couldn't explain. I couldn't stop reading. Anything I could get my hands on I would just devour. I started to go on Amazon and order so many self-help books I Swecker 3

started my own mini library. I felt like I was in second grade just learning the gift of reading and what it could offer me. I craved reading harder than the drugs that had engulfed me for so many years. Any extra time I had my nose was in some sort of book. I was reading between classes I was taking. I was reading at the bus stop waiting for the bus. I was reading on the bus and on the Max. I was reading while I was walking down the street. I just couldn't get enough! I love to mostly read educational books that help me figure my self out or gain skills I need for life. I read books on spiritual development, books on surviving trauma, parenting books, books helping with anger, books on boundaries, books on self-esteem, and of course my N.A. book just to name a few. My life has changed so much I finally have hope for the future and have self-esteem to do something about it. Every morning now feels like the first day of summer with birds chirping, flowers blooming, and a clear bright sunny sky. The total turn around my life has taken has encouraged me to make the second biggest step in my life. I enrolled to go back to school. Before I thought there was no way I could even go back to school, let alone make it there. At first I thought maybe this would be too hard for me. Yes, school is hard, especially this writing class. I haven't been to school in 17 years and didn't pay attention when I was in school. I have no idea how to write essays and had to learn by a lot by researching and tutoring. The difference between before and now is I'm determined to figure things out know matter how much reading or learning I have to do. I know I have a lot more schooling to do. I have goals now and that's to become an A & D counselor. I'm taking my life experience from drugs, hopelessness, and pure desperation to others to show them what they can do with their lives. I want to be an inspiration to those who need it. Through change, some Swecker 4

hard work, and a willingness to learn, you can not only change your life you can save your life. I thank God for the second chance I was given and the books that helped put me back together. Without either one of these I wouldn't be here today!

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