PROFESSIIONALS IIN THE CIITY ROFESS ONALS N THE TY

By Michael Karlan

Edited by Katherine Pitsch Copyright 2010 by Professionals in the City, LLC All rights reserved Second Edition

Table of Contents
Preface / 2 Introduction to Washington DC for Singles / 3 Single and Successful in the City / 6 First Thing’s First: Decide What You Want / 7 Speed Dating / 10 How to Maximize Your Speed-Dating Success / 11 Typical Dating Instructions / 12 Types of Events Offered by Professionals in the City / 13 More Opportunities to Meet People / 14 Online Dating / 15 The Bar Scene in DC / 17 The Next Step: Assess Yourself / 18 The Outer Game / 19 The Inner Game / 20 Develop Strategy -- Get Most Out of a Conversation / 23 Advice for Men When Dating / 23 Advice for Women When Dating / 24 How to Keep Them Interested / 25 Washington Post Excerpt / 26 Author's Bio / 30

Guests gather for a Professionals in the City New Year’s Eve event

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Preface
My name is Michael Karlan. I'm the founder and president of Professionals in the City, a social networking organization based in Washington, DC with branches nationwide. My knowledge of the singles scene comes from hosting more than 5,000 singles’ events over a period of more than 10 years. In that time, I have met tens of thousands of singles, and introduced hundreds of couples that are now married.

Michael Karlan and Guest at a Professionals in the City Speed Dating Event in Washington, DC

Meeting people and hosting events is my passion. But that wasn't always so. You might think it takes an extremely extroverted person to create this lifestyle, but for me it was quite the opposite. My journey began in 1993 when I moved to DC and didn't know a soul here. I was practicing law during the day at a major law firm. In an effort to meet people, I hit the bar scene each night. As I got to know people, I started hosting my own events. First, I started throwing Happy Hours after work at various venues. Over time, those events grew larger. Eventually my largest event became a New Year's Eve Gala for 3,000 people at the Hotel Washington in December 2007. At my events, I witnessed people making the same mistakes again and again. They would miss out on opportunities to find new friends and romance. So it is my hope that this book will give single people the guidance I wish I had when I first arrived here.

Washington City Paper readers recently picked Professionals in the City’s website, www.prosinthecity.com, as the second-best DC website! The Washington Post’s website came in third place.

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Introduction to Washington, DC for Singles
Washington, DC is a city with one of the largest populations of singles in the United States. We have one of the highest percentages of college-educated professionals anywhere. Few cities can match the District’s annual influx of recent graduates who move here from all over the world. And there's a huge variety of nightlife and cultural offerings here. The possibilities for singles are amazing.

Fact:
Almost 50% of the population in DC is single – one of the highest percentages in the US.

Attendees at a Professionals in the City New Member Mixer in Washington, DC

Every day, people meet through Professionals in the City for friendship, dating, love and marriage. Over the years these relationships have evolved into hundreds of marriages, thousands of couples, and tens of thousands of new friendships. Here's a wonderful story of a couple of people who met at one of our events: Names: Monika & Mike. Status: Married. Where They Met: Alfio's Thirty Somethings Rotating Profile Singles Dinner.

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Story:

"Mike and I have been married since July. We met at an Alfio's Thirty Something Profile Singles Dinner. I had heard about the Professionals in the City event over the radio and Mike had heard about the event through the Washington Post. Neither one of us had attended a Prosinthecity event before. The dinner we attended was a "personality table" dinner and as luck would have it we were both assigned to the same table. Neither one of us had gone to the event with the expectation of meeting THAT person, rather we both thought that dinner would be a good venue to meet people and perhaps form friendships. I was assigned to Mike's table for dinner and initially only saw the back of his head. Once I sat next to Mike I was struck by his politeness and unassuming nature. I liked his smile. Mike tells me he thought I was very cute but that there were too many people for him to get anywhere near me. He was pleasantly surprised when I sat down next to him. Initial exchanges revealed that we lived around the corner from each other and from then on, the conversation flowed freely. When dessert came, the women were asked to rotate to a new table to meet more people and at that point Mike and I were separated. I left the event without saying goodbye, but luckily Mike saved our chances by running out after me when the event ended.' 'On our first date out together we went to dinner. It was a so-so date and I still don't know why I said yes when Mike asked me out again. He jokes now that I was a "convenient" girlfriend because we lived so close to one another. Now we are enjoying our first year of marriage and settling into our new home. We look forward to starting a family. This was the first Professionals in the City event we attended and we consider ourselves lucky to have gone to the one that made the difference.' 'Thank you Pros, Monika & Mike'"

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Monika and Mike found each other and are now happily married

What a great success story! And we have hundreds more just like this. Many people like Monika and Mike found each other at events like that one.

Think About It: When you change the way that you look at things, the things you look at change. -Instructor Janine Driver at a recent Professionals in the City

dating seminar quoting Dr. Wayne Dyer

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Single and Successful in the City
Washingtonians are hip, successful urban-dwellers. They're leaders in economics, law, government (no surprise!), science, information technology, foreign policy and higher education. DC residents tend to be very careeroriented. Compared to other communities, they're often better educated, more accomplished and more sophisticated than their non-DC counterparts.

All these things contribute to the idea that we can’t find love in the nation’s capital.
Focused on achieving success in other parts of their lives, Washingtonians often delay their search for success in romantic relationships. They tend to date without commitment, often choosing to complete their education or achieve financial security before contemplating marriage or getting involved in a serious relationship. Fact:
Over 45% of Washingtonians have a college degree.

In fact, both men and women in DC are much more likely than their counterparts elsewhere to stay single throughout their twenties. As they enter their thirties and begin to attain career success, they finally begin to seriously address the issue of looking for a relationship. By the age of 35, both genders have changed their focus. Many DC women start to seek a man as successful as they are who's usually their age or slightly older; while DC men often reach their late thirties and start to seek a woman at least a few years younger.

Group of men at a Professionals in the City event in Washington, DC

Because men and women often have different interests and are looking for different things, they frequently end up frustrated. At cultural and community service events here, you’d find a handful of men surrounded by women. But you'd find the opposite at happy hours or dance clubs – a handful of women surrounded by men. What are the best solutions for men and for women?

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First Thing’s First: Decide What You Want
The first step is to realize you can have anything you want in life. All you have to do is be willing to do whatever it takes to get it. The key word here is willing. If you’re willing to do whatever it takes, you'll frequently find you don't have to actually do whatever it takes. But the willingness changes your focus and makes all the difference. The next step is to decide upon a set of goals based on what you want in your life. Perhaps you want to get married, or find a meaningful relationship, or date a lot of different people. You have to ask yourself what's important to you.

Although this might seem obvious, this is a critical first step.

So be honest with yourself and with others about what you want.

It’s Funny… At the start of our Professionals in the City seminars on How to Buy a Home, I'll sometimes ask attendees how many of them actually want to buy a home. Almost everyone will raise their hand. We also offer seminars on How to Find a Relationship. But when I ask people there how many of them want to be in a relationship, only about half of them raise their hand -- and many of them do that sheepishly. Interesting.

If you feel ashamed or embarrassed about what you want, think about why that is. Ask yourself if that should be a legitimate concern for you. Then ask yourself if that justifies not going out to get what you want. Some people say they would never do something like tell people they want to meet somebody, go to a singles’ event or try to meet somebody online. They say they want to let things “just happen naturally.” The problem is that once people get out of school, they don't meet others in the “natural” way they did in school where a large peer group surrounded them.
Attendees at a Professionals in the City party in Washington, DC

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As I explained at the beginning of this section, if you want to accomplish something you have to be willing to do whatever it takes.

If you want to be a writer, you have to write. If you want to meet somebody, you have to get out there.
If you still don't feel comfortable about going outside your comfort zone, then think about where you think your type of person would go. Perhaps a bookstore, an aerobics class or a creative writing class? Even if it's just the grocery store, you'll have better luck meeting someone there than you'd have just sitting home. The key: get out and do something.

Think about it…
If you keep doing what you have always been doing, you will keep getting the results that you have always been getting.

Do Something
Once you have decided that you want to meet new people, it's time to act.

Learn What's Out There
DC is an amazing city for single men and women. There's virtually an unlimited number of singles of every age here. Professionals in the City has over 200,000 members (!) in the DC area alone, and we host over a thousand events a year here. Fact:
At every Professionals in the City event, more than half of the attendees are at their very first event with us.

Professionals in the City Scavenger Hunt participants in Washington, DC

And at each of these events, more than half of the people present are at their very first event with us. Imagine, you could attend a different event every night of the week and meet a roomful of new people each time!

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Professionals in the City also has a separate group called Face-2-Face Singles that hosts exclusively large dances for singles over age 40. Visit: www.face2facesingles.com. Of course, we maintain a comprehensive list of every event we offer at www.prosinthecity.com.

There are a huge number of singles in this city, and you can meet them with just a little effort.

First-time attendees at a New Member Mixer hosted by Professionals in the City in Washington, DC

A couple at a Professionals in the City Networking Mixer in Washington, DC

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Speed Dating
Of the thousands of events we offer, I think that speed dating is the best way to meet someone. In our version of speed dating, we seat the men and women across from In the span of an each other and every hour or two at few minutes we have speed dating, the men rotate by moving you meet more one seat to their right. eligible singles than many people meet in a year!
Speed daters at a Professionals in the City dating event in Washington, DC

Speed dating is very efficient. If provides you enough time to determine if you're attracted to someone -- if you use that time wisely. You'll sense quickly if there's chemistry or, more importantly, if there's not. There is no huge time investment in someone you're not compatible with. Are certain things important to you? Ask them right away. It's low pressure for each of you because you're both meeting so many others.

Fact: Professionals in the City offers large general dating events, as well as speed dating events that focus on a specific age range, ethnicity, religion, or interest.

Most people who attend our speed dating events end up going out on a subsequent date with at least one person they've met at the event. The results don't stop there: hundreds of couples that met at those events are now happily married. Inspired by this, we now offer these dating events several times a week.

Do you think that only strange people attend speed-dating events? That's something you need to rethink. It's an easy, efficient and quick way to meet so many people. People who lack the social skills to interact with others are far more likely to try to meet people online where they can hide this behind a computer.
Professionals in the City Washington, DC for Singles www.prosinthecity.com Page 10

A couple at the Professionals in the City New Years Eve Gala at the Hotel Washington

How to Maximize Your Speed Dating Success
What I suggest with speed dating and with general conversation is that you ask people fun questions that elicit emotional or subjective responses, as opposed to questions that can be answered factually or logically. Here are a few examples:    What were you like in high school? What is the most adventurous thing you have done? What are you most proud of in your life?

These kinds of questions will tell you a lot more about a person than just asking where they're from or what they do for a living. This way, instead of interviewing, you get to know each other on an individual level. During a dating event, you want to remember the people you speak with and you want them to remember you. The best way to do this is by discussing a wide range subjects. The best “dates” usually cover three or four different subjects. Each person shares a little about their attitude about each subject area and then asks the other about theirs. Tip: One thing to avoid during speed dating is barraging the person with questions, which makes the conversation Do not try to feel too much like an interview. Another is to avoid impress others by discussing only one topic listing your during the entire accomplishments. conversation. People It will backfire and you will come off as tend to have better insecure, needing to success at feeling a prove your worth. connection when they at least briefly discuss a few subjects than when they discuss just one, even if that subject interests both of them.

Also during the event, it's helpful to take notes to remind you of who the person is. At the end of a speed dating event, think about whom you liked and why you found him or her Two speed dating attendees at an attractive. event hosted by Professionals in the
City in Washington, DC

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Typical Speed Dating Instructions:
PROFESSIONALS IN THE CITY
1) You will receive a dating sheet for note-taking from the hostess when you check in. 2) While dating, please check off the “Interested” or “Not Interested” box next to the name and ID number of the people you meet. 3) Take notes for yourself in the right column of your form. At the end of the night you take this form home with you as a reminder of who you met and what you discussed. 4) Within 48 hours after the event, we will email you a link that is active for 10 days after the event. 5) Click on the link to view the attendee numbers and first names of all attendees of the opposite gender. 6) Through the link, you are able to send messages to anybody you are interested in. You will also be able to upload a photo and a brief description of yourself. 7) All messages go through our website to the recipient. We do not reveal anybody’s email address. If you do not receive an email from us within 48 hours, check your spam filter. If you did not see an email from us there, contact us at dc@prosinthecity.com, and we'll resend the dating link. 8) Have fun! 202.686.5990~ WWW.PROSINTHECITY.COM ~ dc@prosinthecity.com

Speed dating can also be a great opportunity to assess and improve your communication skills by practicing introducing yourself to new people and carrying on conversations with them. However, speed dating is not for everyone. People new to the singles’ scene frequently want to meet people slowly and want to do so in casual environments. That's why there are literally thousands of other events to attend.

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Other Events Where You Can Meet Singles Not Exclusively For Singles
Washington, DC, offers thousands of events each year through Professionals in the City, as well as other organizations. If you have single friends, ask them what they do to meet new people. Even though these events might not be called “singles events,” they can still be great ways to meet other singles. Hundreds of couples meet every year at events of ours that are not “singles events.”

Some Events Offered by Professionals in the City :
                         Age-Based Events (20’s, 30’s, 35 Plus, 40 Plus, Baby Boomers) Baltimore Events Cooking Classes (French, Italian, Cooking for One) Cruises (Sunset, Margarita, July 4) Dance Classes (Salsa, Swing, Hip Hop, Pole Dancing) Dating Seminars Detecting Deception Seminars Dinners (Singles’ Dinners, Etiquette Dinners, Upscale Dinners) Embassy Events (We have hosted events at 60 different embassies) Ethnicity-Based Events (African American, Asian, Hispanic) Face-2-Face Singles Events (40-Plus Dances) Mixers New Year’s Eve Nightclub Tours Other Cities’ Events (Baltimore, Boston, LA, NY, Philadelphia) Outdoor Events (Kayaking, Rock Climbing, Skydiving, Golf) Personal Growth Classes (Self Hypnosis, Feng Shui, Handwriting) Professional Seminars (Start a Business, Dress for Success) Religion-Based Events (Christian, Jewish, Catholic, Mormon) Sporting Activities (Nationals, Wizards, Capitals, Tennis) Trips Abroad (Rio, Iceland, Greece, the Galapagos, South Africa) Volunteer Activities Walking Tours Women Only and Men Only Events (Striptease Classes, Seminars) Wine Tastings

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More Opportunities to Meet People
You might also try events organized by alumni chapters, art and theater groups, the company you work for, faith-based social organizations, civic groups, continuing education classes, dance troupes, historical societies, literary discussion meetings, political interest organizations, sports leagues, support groups and volunteer associations.
A group of guests gathers to celebrate a Professionals in the City evening at the Embassy of France

With the Internet all of these things are just a quick Internet search away. The common thread among these events is they create an environment that fosters a sense of community, which makes it easy for people to meet one another.

Tip: Attend a variety of events based on your interests. Even if you don't meet someone you'd want to date, you're sure to meet others who share your interests.

For pictures from Professionals in the City events, see http://www.prosinthecity.com/photo. gallery.php

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Online Dating
Another option for meeting other singles is online dating. Online dating is all about convenience websites that give you a lot of people to choose from without ever having to leave home. You can get an idea what is out there at your own pace without the pressure of having to interact with anybody one-on-one. The primary downside to this is that it can be extremely time-consuming. After you initially make contact with someone with whom you might be compatible, you will probably email back and forth, then talk on the phone, and only then, after a level of comfort is established, will you finally meet to see if there is attraction between you two.

Keep in mind…
People frequently do not look exactly as they do in the pictures they post on dating sites. It's much easier for somebody to come off as witty and confident via email than in person. There is no substitute for a face-toface meeting.

Popular Online Dating Sites in Washington, DC
(listed alphabetically)

 

The people who have had the most success  with online dating tend to meet people in person as quickly as possible, and as briefly as possible for that initial meeting. Good meeting activities are a drink, a cup of coffee or a lunch. If they feel a connection they can then get to know each other better at that point. The people who have had the least success with online dating tend to spend a lot of time communicating back and forth before they ever meet the person face to face. 10 Best Happy Hours for Meeting Singles in DC

eHarmony – claims to match people based on personality characteristics JDate – specializes in connecting Jewish singles Match.com – has the most DC members, thus giving you the most people to choose from

Advice for Online Dating
People sometimes think of online dating as a way to avoid face-to-face rejection. But, the problem is that in order to be successful using it, you'll still have to meet your potential match in person. At that point, both of you will have to evaluate whether there is chemistry.
        

(listed alphabetically)



Clyde’s of Gallery Place Front Page Hawk ‘n’ Dove Local 16 Marvin McFadden’s Rock Bottom Brewery (VA) Rumors Tony and Joe’s Seafood Place Whitlow’s on Wilson (VA)

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It can be very inefficient if you spend a lot of time getting to know somebody online and by telephone, and then find there's no chemistry when you meet in person. Even if you do feel chemistry for the other person, it may not be mutual. And there's the awkwardness of cutting off the “relationship” after that initial meeting. So, while online dating can definitely be a convenient way to meet other singles, it can be very time-consuming and it does not avoid the eventual face-to-face meetings that some people try to avoid by pursuing online dating.

20 Good Places to Take a First Date in DC (Listed alphabetically)                     Billy Goat Trail Hike (VA) Buffalo Billiards Busboys and Poets Comet Ping Pong Eastern Market Georgetown Waterfront Gua-Rapo (VA) International Spy Museum Lucky Strike Lanes National Mall Ice Skating National Zoo Perry’s Sunday Brunch Professionals in the City Event Sequoia Smithsonian Jazz Cafe Tidal Basin Paddle boating Torpedo Factory Art Center (VA) U.S. Botanic Gardens U-topia Vermilion (VA)

Group of women at Professionals in the City’s annual Club Getaway trip

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The Bar Scene in DC
Another place to meet singles is at a bar. It’s simple – bars have lots of people in them, and a lot of the people there are single and attractive.

The downside is that most bars are not ideal environments for meeting new people. People tend to have their guard up and are not necessarily looking to be approached by a stranger with a romantic interest. It can also be loud, which makes it difficult to hear people. And you have no automatic way of knowing who's single. I'll not go into too much detail on bars here because most people are aware of the pros and cons of meeting new people at bars and nightclubs. But, here are some ideas for places to go for meeting new people.

10 Fun Spots for Meeting Singles after Midnight in DC
(listed alphabetically)

        



Ben’s Chili Bowl Bistro Français Café Japone Fadó Five Guys Kramerbooks and Afterwords Café Old Glory Tastee Diner (MD) The Diner Tryst

10 Hottest Clubs and Lounges for Meeting Singles in DC
(listed alphabetically)

I'll also say that based on my experience, you'll need to be more assertive in bars than you normally would.

        



Café Citron Clarendon Ballroom (VA) eCitie (VA) kstreet lounge Shadow Room The Park at 14th The Reef Tom Tom’s Zaytinya Zengo

Attendees at an event at the Embassy of Trinidad and Tobago hosted by Professionals in the City in Washington, DC

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Next Step: Assess Yourself
As you start meeting people, you'll need to assess yourself. Many people fail to do this, especially when emotions are involved. But being aware of yourself and consciously thinking about how to achieve your goals is a key part of enabling you to reach them.

Ask Yourself if You Are Available for a Relationship
If you are in a relationship, even a dead-end one, you’re not available for a new relationship. People frequently hang on to a dying relationship while they look for a new one. However, it's extremely difficult to begin a new relationship when you've not ended your previous one. It's up to you what you want in life, but if you are serious about finding a new and better relationship, you are making it more difficult by continuing to hold on to your old one.

How is Your “ Game?”
Many of us think that we do not play games, but everyday life is full of them. When assessing yourself, ask yourself how your game is. After all, how you play the game can make all the difference and there is no better way to succeed than by preparing yourself for it. When evaluating yourself, think about your outer game, which is how you interact with others, and your inner game, which is how you interact with yourself. Although the most important things in life involve your inner game, I think that a good way to address your inner game is by first addressing your outer game.

Professionals in the City’s Huge Speed Dating Party in Washington, DC

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The Outer Game
Two key components of your outer game are your appearance and your approach.

 Appearance – i.e., Looks Matter
People can say that looks should not matter, but they do. You need to look groomed. If it takes you only 5 minutes to get out the door, it'll show…in a bad way! Suggestion…
If you are wearing the same clothes that you have worn for the past ten years, you are most likely not putting your best foot forward.

If you are not comfortable with something about yourself, do something about it. Life is a work in progress; so do not delay your other goals while you work on yourself. The very act of addressing your appearance issues sends a message to yourself and others about how you feel about yourself.

Clothing and hairstyle also matter. You might think that they don't, but they do. If you're not sure how to dress, take cues from popular TV or movie actors who portray characters that exist in real-life and are similar to you. Another convenient way to figure out how to dress is to look at what the mannequins are wearing at clothing stores where you shop. Or look at magazines and catalogs.

 Approach – Get Comfortable Talking to New People
Another important piece of the outer game is your approach. Learn to initiate conversation and get comfortable with talking to new people. The people you talk to do not necessarily have to be people that you're interested in dating, nor do they have to be people you find attractive. They do not even have to be of the opposite sex. If necessary, start practicing initiating conversation with unfamiliar people in easy situations. Walk into a store and ask the price for something, or ask someone at the bus stop when the next bus will arrive. The key is to
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The crowd dances at the Professional in the City New Years Eve Gala at the Hotel Washington

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become comfortable striking up a conversation with new people so that the next time you encounter someone new you really want to meet, it will feel natural and not intimidating.

The Inner Game
 Facing Your Fears – Get Outside Your

Tip:
The first words out of your mouth do not really matter. After a few minutes, the person will probably forget what you initially said. The important thing is that you approached them, not what you said.

Comfort Zone
Fear is a strong motivator for many people -- especially fear of the unknown. Fear traps people within walls they build around themselves and leaves them far more likely to regret the things they have not done rather than the things they have done.

 Overcome Hesitation – Approach People

Quickly
If you see someone you're interested in, approach that person right away. Any delay will only make you more nervous. Moreover, most communication is nonverbal. If someone sees you hesitating to approach him or her, you will already have two strikes against you by the time you do go up and introduce yourself. If you have practiced approaching strangers and initiating conversation, you'll find that it's much easier to start a conversation with someone you're interested in. For those of you who do not know what to say and are truly afraid of improvising, memorize something interesting ahead of time. Any time you feel tongue-tied you can fall back on this routine. For men, the fear of rejection is frequently the biggest issue that prevents them from approaching women. But, they have to realize that rejection happens to everybody who is willing to get what they want out of life. So in order to get what you want out of life, you have to be willing to accept the possibility of rejection.
Professionals in the City Washington, DC for Singles www.prosinthecity.com

It’s a game of numbers…
At a typical large Professionals in the City event, you may find 100 men and 100 women. Of these, there may be 10 members of the opposite sex that you want to meet solely based on their looks. There may also be 10 that you have no interest in meeting, regardless of their personality. That still leaves 80 others for you to discover chemistry with by talking with them. But until you talk with those 80 people, they are essentially invisible to you, and you to them.

Talk to lots of people and you'll more likely find someone who is a good fit with you.
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Fear of rejection will only prevent you from going after what you really want life. Tip:
Brush off rejection and you will minimize the effect that it has on you. Be confident enough to go after what you want in life.

Ask Yourself If You're Really Interested in the Other Person
For women and for men, it is important to think about what you want when interacting with members of the opposite sex. Do not think to yourself: Is this person interested in me? It puts you in the wrong mindset. Rather, focus on answering the question: Am I interested in this person?

Don't try to impress people or wonder how to make them become interested in you either. Because any attempts you make to impress the person usually backfire, making you come off as insecure and trying to gain their approval. Likewise, if you're overly complimentary or excessively accommodating it'll come off as disingenuous or as trying too hard. You want to be comfortable and casual around people, so it makes no difference whether you're attracted to them. And there are a number of ways to accomplish this.

Developing Attraction In Other People
For starters, realize that attraction is an emotional response, not an intellectual one. You cannot convince someone to be attracted to you by appealing to his or her intellect. You have to make them feel attracted to you by generating an emotional response.
Attendees at a Professionals in the City gala in Washington, DC

Tell a little story about yourself, and then ask the other person to share something. That is how people build rapport and establish connections.

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Developing a Strategy To Get the Most Out of a Conversation
Key Point: Being able to converse on a wide variety of subjects is key to establishing a connection with someone you are interested in. This first suggestion is the same advice I have for speed daters – ask “feeling” questions, rather than “factual” questions. Avoid questions that have objective answers. Instead, focus on asking questions that provoke an emotional or contemplative response.

Second, change topics every few minutes. Otherwise, you could end up talking to someone for hours and never establish a real connection. For example, let’s say that you love skiing and the other person loves skiing, and you talk about skiing for a while. If all you talked about was skiing, ski equipment, and ski trips, when you leave the person will remember you only as “ski person.”

Singles meet each other for the first time at a Professionals in the City Speed Dating

A third piece of advice is to always remember that attraction is an emotional response, not an intellectual one. You cannot convince somebody to be attracted to you. You cannot make somebody attracted to you by trying to impress them, by acting like you have a great deal in common, or by telling them how attracted you are to them. Rather, the way to generate attraction is by having conviction in your identity and confidence in who you are. People are attracted to people who choose their own destiny, not to people who are desperate to be chosen.

Attendees at a Professionals in the City gala in Washington, DC

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Advice for Men When Dating

Five Techniques for Men to Make Themselves Stand Out from the Crowd
1) Be confident in yourself If you do not have confidence in yourself, you will undo your own efforts. Think about why she's lucky to have you spend time with her. Do not be cocky. Rather, be sure to smile, be well groomed, have a sense of humor, and connect with men and women. 2) Don't conceal your weaknesses The more you try to conceal something, the weaker it makes you look. But, if you showcase your weakness, it shows you have self-confidence. It also shows that you're strong and that you don't take yourself too seriously. 3) Don't be needy If a woman wants space, give it to her. If other guys are talking to her, do not become jealous or clingy. If you want her to be attracted to you, show her that you're confident. You want to demonstrate to her that you possess an inner confidence and sense of independence that few other men have. 4) Decide who you are and what you want Women want men who have their own vision and opinions. Women are attracted to men who know what they want in life. If you agree with everything she tells you, you'll come off as disingenuous and trying too hard to please her. 5) Be free spirited Be exciting. Be unpredictable. Attraction is an emotional response, not an intellectual one. You want to communicate to her that life with you will be a fun adventure.

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Advice for Women When Dating

Five Surefire Ways for Women to Turn Off Men They Meet
1) Trying to take things too fast It is easy to feel a rush to settle down and start a real relationship. While a woman might feel a sense of urgency, a man who feels he is being pushed into a relationship too quickly is likely to get scared away. 2) Reminding him of your past relationships Men need to know some information regarding your past relationships. However, they don't need to know every little detail of every romantic encounter that you've had. 3) Acting too businesslike Just as women want men to still be men, men want women to still be women. When a woman acts too businesslike, it can make men feel emasculated. So do not dress like you are going to the office when you're trying to get in the dating scene. 4) Frequently wanting to discuss feelings or the relationship Women like to discuss feelings and have conversations about defining the relationship with men they're seeing. While it is important to make sure that both parties are on the same page, men can be made to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed by such discussions, especially if they are frequent. 5) Hoping to change him People rarely change. And if they do, it's at their own pace and on their own terms. It's not because somebody else changed them. You could spend your whole life hoping and trying to change somebody and you would likely end up feeling very disappointed.

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Congratulations, You Are Dating!

How to Keep Them Interested
10 Romantic Restaurants for a Special Occasion in DC (Listed alphabetically)           Indigo Landing (VA) Kinkeads Little Fountain Cafe Mie N Yu Old Angler’s Inn (MD) Oya Rasika The Source Tabaq Bistro Tabard Inn Once you start dating someone, it is important not to get too fixated too quickly. The reality is that you barely know one another and that takes time. There's nothing wrong with dating multiple people if you don't mislead the people who you're dating. Also you should not assume that they aren't dating anybody else unless they tell you specifically. It is easy to become needy towards someone early in the relationship, particularly if you are unsure of how they feel about you. So it is important to know there's a good chance you'll scare them away if you act that way. That's part of why it is good to not date only one person until you know that you're both very interested in pursuing more together.

Most of All… Have Fun
Being single can be a lot of fun. The world is a very different place than it was thirty years ago. DC is one of the best cities in the world in which to be single. There are single people of all ages here and you have the freedom to do anything you want. Male or female, if you live in DC, you have the luxury of choosing who you want. Never choose someone out of fear of being alone or fear of not finding anyone else. Any decision made from fear is always the wrong decision.

Couples dancing at a Professionals in the City party in Washington, DC

Now is a better time than virtually any previous time to be single. And DC is a better place than virtually any other place to be single.

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Washington Post Excerpt
Partying With Taxing Precision: For IRS Lawyer-Turned-Gala Planner, Success Is All About the Numbers

By Karin Brulliard Washington Post Staff Writer December 31, 2006; Page C01
Michael Karlan is throwing not one, but two glitzy New Year's bashes tonight. For 1,700 people. At the French Embassy, guests in glittering gowns and dapper tuxes will sip bottomless glasses of champagne, take mini-lessons in French and dance the New Year in while mimes stroll. Downtown at the Washington Plaza hotel, hundreds of young professionals will venture into "A Social Experience" -- a Madonna impersonator, massage seminars, speed-dating, a caricaturist. The galas, Karlan said, cost him "one hundred thou each." Karlan, 38, is an expert party guy, founder of the social network Professionals in the City. He takes partying to an exponential degree, hosting about 1,000 mixers and social seminars each year. He has about 40 employees in six cities and an e-mail list 140,000 names long. "I almost take it for granted now," said Karlan, who talks at breakneck speed and rarely stops smiling, referring to his role as social architect and matchmaker for Washington. Who is this bon vivant? He works at home alone. He shuns phone calls. His roommate is a cat. He is single and has a few close friends. He is a former IRS tax lawyer who has published articles with such titles as "Cash or Deferred Arrangements, Matching Contributions, and Employee Contributions." Yes, Washington, the tax man is throwing your parties. And his key to a good party, of course, involves crunching numbers. He has partygoers rate every event's features and then ruthlessly axes all but the bestrated.

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The Life Behind the Party Growing up on Long Island, N.Y., Karlan figured he would be an entrepreneur but not this kind. He says he is shy. His party persona, he thinks, has always been his way of compensating. He lives in a small apartment in Van Ness, with soft white carpet and simple, Storehouse-style furniture. In his bedroom -- his office -- are the two computers he sits at and answers 700 e-mails all day from clients and staff members, who run most of the parties. On a bookshelf are Spanish flashcards, which he has been studying since going on a recent trip to Medellin, Colombia, one of his first vacations in years. Every morning, he wakes about 10 and runs about five miles to the White House and back, Spanish lessons playing on his iPod. On a buffet in the dining nook, liquor bottles are lined up like soldiers, but Karlan never entertains. He doesn't want to clean up after people. Friday afternoon, he scrolled down a list of e-mails in the sunlight-filled bedroom. One was a review of a recent champagne tasting. A customer gave it 3 out of 4, nicking it for having too little food. A second e-mail made the same complaint. "That obviously won't happen again," Karlan said. The room was silent. His employees are instructed to call only in emergencies. E-mail gives him more control, he said. Later, Karlan hopped into his white BMW and headed to the French Embassy to see how Carrie Jones, one of his event planners, was doing with setup. The air was filled with party prep sounds: a dull thumping from the high-ceilinged ballroom, where workers were installing dance tiles; high-pitched pings from an adjacent hall, where a grand piano was being tuned. Jones led Karlan about quickly, assuring him she would have wine poured before guests arrived. This party -- 800 people have paid $160 each to attend -- is geared toward couples with upscale taste, Karlan said. The Plaza bash -- 900 people at $140 each -- targets singles with games and spectacle. 'Starting a Sense of Community' Karlan prefers subjects where there is one right answer, so he majored in accounting at the University of Colorado, where he had, "like, a 3.95, if you're curious," graduating as valedictorian. After that was law school at Columbia. His routine was work by day, go out by night.

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After graduating, he clerked at the U.S. Tax Court in Washington. He had no friends in the area, so he began organizing happy hours for the court crew. Then his bosses asked him to plan the office holiday party, to be held at the everfestive tax court. He enjoyed being the planner. Later came a job at a large District law firm. It was cutthroat, so he decided to boost his value by specializing in the Employment Retirement Income Security Act, a field he calls "very marketable." It meant he would work alone, on his own schedule, allowing him to go out at night. Soon Karlan was hosting free parties at restaurants a few times a year for fun. He'd ask restaurants to provide space if he provided partiers, lured by fliers. On Halloween 1995, he hit the mark: 500 people showed up to a fete at Tuscana West downtown. After a few more, it hit him: He had "built a market share." He could charge $10 a person. In the dawn of the online era, he began collecting e-mail addresses, which, according to his recollection, few people saw the value of until 2000. At first, he weeded out weirdos. Then he realized that if he collected every e-mail address he could, hipsters would far outweigh oddballs. The rule: " Always grow." Karlan quit the law firm for the IRS, but after a year of drafting tax regulations, he was antsy. "I thought of the idea of starting a sense of community," he said. His parties had shown him that young singles had busy lives and few outlets. In Washington, where people were often transplants, he sensed a widespread feeling of rootlessness. Merging Pleasure With Business Karlan's law practice has mostly fallen by the wayside. Pros in the City is making him a living, although he won't say how much. It is also his social life. His good friends are mostly on his staff. So are a couple of former girlfriends. He used to flit about his parties. Now he hangs in the corner with pals. "I don't want to talk to everybody, because two-minute conversations with 100 people, it doesn't really do anything for me," he said. But he encourages others to do so, via his speed-dating events, where men and women rotate around a room and have four-minute chats with every oppositegendered person.
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Karlan tells doubters that in a room of 100, most people will think 10 are hot and 10 are dogs. But 80 people will be in between, and therefore full of potential. It is what Karlan calls "the 80 percent rule." "It's efficient," Karlan said. "It's organized." He observed that women, unlike men, come to singles events with friends. Men, unlike women, come whether it's raining or snowing. Young singles waltz in coolly, as though stopping by to use the bathroom. Older ones come eagerly. Karlan said he could write a book. He noted that attendance at singles events skyrocketed after Sept. 11, 2001, which he thinks is because people traveled less. When it is suggested that people might also have renewed their appreciation for social bonds, he shrugged. "Maybe," he said. "All I know are the numbers. I don't know so much the why." Mingling and Matching Karlan laid out prizes -- T-shirts, CDs, movie passes -- for a 7:30 Lock and Key party Friday at a Chinatown bar. The concept was basic icebreaker: Women get a padlock, men a key. They must mingle to find a match and win prizes. By 7:15, two men with name tags were drinking beer at the bar. One, handsome and smoking Parliaments, said it was his first Pros in the City event. He had Googled "New Year's Eve" and "singles" and wound up on Karlan's Web site. He also bought a ticket for the Plaza bash. "My previous relationships were formed in the office, and they both ended in heartbreak," said Damien, 32, who did not want to give his last name. "My most recent breakup was on the 10th of December. I called her on Christmas Day, and she didn't answer. And I said, 'I gotta do something.' " By 7:45, about 20 people were there -- slow time of year, Karlan said. He leaned against a wall and sipped a beer. He waited 10 more minutes and then took the microphone to explain the rules. Later, he sat on a small stage, alone. The numbers were not perfect -- 40 guests, more men than women. But by 8:30, the matching had given way to mingling. And that, Karlan noted with satisfaction, was the bottom line. For additional articles about Professionals in the City, see

http://www.prosinthecity.com/press.php
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Best wishes and I look forward to seeing you at one of our exciting events!

~Michael

Michael Karlan is founder and president of Professionals in the City. Professionals in the City has more than 200,000 DC members and hosts more than 1,000 DC events a year. Professionals in the City also has branches in five other cities, all of which are run out of DC. Michael has been featured in the Washington Post, the Washington Business Journal, the Washington Times, the Washington City Paper, On Tap, WUSA 9 News, Fox News, Cosmopolitan and other media.

For more information about Professionals in the City and the exciting events that we offer in DC, Baltimore, Boston, Los Angeles, New York and Philadelphia, visit www.prosinthecity.com, email dc@prosinthecity.com, or call 202-686-5990.

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