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Communication d’affaires - Courriels

Objectif : * Développer des stratégies d’écriture
Activité 1 : Théorie des messages techniques : le courriel
Écoutez attentivement la présentation des messages techniques et notez les éléments dont vous devez tenir compte lors de la rédaction de courriels.

Activité 2 : Correction d’un courriel
Corrigez les erreurs de ce courriel. Soulignez les erreurs dans le texte et proposez une correction appropriée. Voyez l’exemple.
Cher Mr.1 Letendre,
Suite à notre appelle d’hier, je vous faites parvenir telle que discuté le plan de nos installations électrique. J’ai cédulé plusieur jours pour vos tecniciens de brancher le plus tôt possible nos ordinateurs. Je vous rappel que vous avez jusqu’à Jeudi, le 25 mai pour le faire. J’apprécierais si vous pouvez nous communiquer le date exact de votre intervention.
J’ai reçu aujourdhui votre facture de 150850,75 $. Je vous envoi dans vingts jours un chèque couvrant la moitiée du montant, le balance vous sera payé après tous nos employés reçoivent leur séance d’information.
Nous espérons que le tous vous convient, SVP n’hésitez pas de me contacter pour toute question.
Cordialment,
Départment Des Achats,
Lucien Riendeau
Erreurs et correction : 1. Cher : ne pas utiliser 2. Mr. : Monsieur 3. Faites : Fais 4. Nos : notre 5. Installations : installation 6. Plusieur : plusieurs 7. Vos : votre 8. Tecniciens : techniciens 9. Rappel : rappelle 10. Jeudi : jeudi 11. Le date exact : la date exacte 12. Aoujourdhui : aujourd’hui 13. Envoi : envoie 14. Vingts : vingt 15. Moitiée : moitié 16. du montant, le balance vous : du montant. La balance 17. Le balance : la balance 18. Payé : payée 19. Que le tous : que les tous 20. Convient : conviennent 21. SVP : s'il vous plaît 22. Cordialment : cordialement Activité 3 : Réécriture d’un courriel
Réécrivez complètement le courriel. Améliorez le style et le ton du courriel. Corrigez les erreurs de grammaire, d’orthographe et de ponctuation.

Situation : Un magasin de meubles et d’équipement de bureaux avait passé commande auprès d’un grossiste spécialisé dans les meubles de bureaux. Il écrit à son fournisseur au sujet de la livraison. C’est la première fois qu’un problème de ce genre arrive.

Courriel à réécrire
Cher monsieur Martineau, nous avons reçu toute votre marchaendise de matériel et d’équippement de bureaux il y a deux jours, nous avons du presque tout refuser dû aux mauvais traitements, qui ont été infliger au stock pendant le transport. Nous sommes vraiment, MAIS VRAIMENT PAS DU TOUT satisfait des services que vous avez rendu à date!!! Si vous voulez que, ma compagnie vous offre de nouveau une nouvelle chance de nous offrir une marchandise de plus de qualités., vous avez tout intérêt à faire votre travail correctement cette fois! Nnous avons des clients à traiter et des cédules à respecter, alors si vous n’apportez pas de solutions à ce conflit rapidement, nous allons immédiatement canceller le contrat et vous dénoncer auprès de la Fédération des Transporteurs. On verra bien qui aura le dernier mot, espèce d’idiot!
Sincèrement vôtre,
Le directeur des ventes.

Correction :
Exp. : Ciprian Tudosa <ciprian.tudosa@carrefourlaval.ca>
Dest. : martineau@cargofret.ca
Objet : Signalisation - produits endommagés Monsieur Martineau
Gestionnaire du transport

Bonjour, Monsieur.

Veuillez prendre connaissance que nous avons reçu le matériel et l’équipement de bureaux il y a deux jours. Mais, la plupart des produits a été endommagés pendant le transport. Cela nous a obligé à refuser presque toute la quantité commandée.

Il est très important de maintenir des bonnes relations avec la clientèle. Également, c’est vital de respecter les cédules et d'éviter éventuels litiges commerciaux.

À cet égard, nous croyons que la résolution rapide de ce problème va développer la relation entre nos entreprises.

Nous attendons aujourd'hui vos propositions pour résoudre le problème sans délai.

Cordialement,

Le directeur des ventes
Ciprian Tudosa
Le Carrefour Laval
3035 Boulevard le Carrefour
Laval, (Québec), H7T 1C8
Téléphone : 450-332-2982; télécopie : 450-332-2983 info@carrefourlaval.ca, www.carrefourlaval.ca

Activité 4 : Clarifier l’idée d’une phrase
1. Faites les modifications nécessaires pour rendre la phrase claire et concise.
Son travail consiste à aider au recrutement des nouveaux membres, et à s’assurer que les nouveaux membres reçoivent le service le meilleur possible afin de profiter au maximum des services de cette organisation.

Correction :
La gestionnaire des ressources humaines s'occupe du recrutement, de la gestion, du perfectionnement et de la motivation du personnel, pour favoriser la participation des employés au sein d’entreprise.

2. Simplifiez ce paragraphe en éliminant les nombreuses propositions relatives qui le rendent ambigu.
C’est à Montréal que l’on dénombre le plus grand nombre de vols de véhicules qui ont eu lieu au Canada, car en 1986, 32% des véhicules qui n’ont pas été retrouvés provenaient de l’île de Montréal, ce qui veut dire que 1 véhicule sur 58 environ a été volé dans cette région.
Correction :
Montréal a l'indice le plus élevé de vols de véhicules au Canada, avec 32% en 1986. Cela montre que 1 véhicule sur 58 a été volé dans la région de l’île de Montréal.
3. Clarifiez l’emploi du pronom de reprise.
La Direction des Ressources Humaines a imposé de nouveaux règlements aux employés de bureau qui devront être respectés.
L’emploi du pronom de reprise est de inclure tous les employés (feminin : employées et masculin : employés)

Activité 5 : Ponctuation
Ponctuez les phrases suivantes et justifiez brièvement l’emploi des signes de ponctuation.
Ils ont patiemment écouté les revendications des travailleurs qui étaient en grande partie légitimes.

Correction :
Ils ont écouté patiemment les revendications des travailleurs qui étaient légitimes en grande partie.
Patiemment : on préfère le placer après le verbe.
En grande partie : on préfère le placer après l’adjectif.
Votre rapport nous paraît bien documenté et d’un intérêt certain bien qu’il soit un peu long.

Correction :
Votre rapport nous paraît bien documenté et d’un certain intérêt bien qu’il soit un peu long.
Certain intérêt : accentuer la qualité

Ponctuez les phrases suivantes :
Rose aime les fruits les légumes les noix etc et elle en mange tous les jours.
Rose aime les fruits, les légumes, les noix, etc. et elle en mange tous les jours.
Paule corrige les lettres et Simon les dossiers.
Je vous prie d’agréer Madame mes sincères salutations.
Je vous prie d’agrée, Madame, mes sincères salutations.
Il n’a pas pu assister à la réunion il avait été appelé au chevet de sa fille.
Il n’a pas pu assister à la réunion, il avait été appelé au chevet de sa fille..
Sylvie une collègue de travail a remporté un prix d’excellence.
Sylvie, une collègue de travail, a remporté un prix d'excellence.
Toutes les personnes qui étaient présentes ont voté en faveur de notre candidat.

Corrigez les erreurs de ponctuation dans les phrases suivantes.
J’ai reçu, de ma tante Julie, l’été dernier un meuble antique.
J’ai reçu de ma tante Julie, l’été dernier, un meuble antique.
Cet élève parce qu’il étudie fort réussira sûrement son année scolaire.
Cet élève, parce qu’il étudie fort, réussira sûrement son année scolaire.
J’ai acheté des crayons, un logiciel, des disquettes, un ordinateur, etc…mais j’ai oublié l’imprimante.
J’ai acheté des crayons, un logiciel, des disquettes, un ordinateur, etc…mais, j’ai oublié l’imprimante.
Il nous a promis qu’«il réfléchirait à tout cela» et qu’il nous donnerait une réponse dans les jours suivants.
Il nous a promis qu’il réfléchirait à tout cela et qu’il nous donnerait une réponse dans les jours suivants.

Activité 6 : Rédaction d’un courriel
Contexte : Vous êtes directeur des comptes. Vous devez écrire un courriel à un client pour retard de paiement.
Quels aspects traiterez-vous?
But : Pourquoi?
Personne : Qui?
Problème; Quoi? 1. Ligne d’objet 2. Formules d’appel 3. Manières de débuter 4. Conclure 5. Signature

Consigne : Rédigez courriel précédent et trouvez la ligne d’objet.

Correction :

Exp. : Ciprian Tudosa <ciprian.tudosa@cargofret.ca>
Dest. : andy.folkstone@carrefourlaval.ca
Objet : Rappel de paiement facture n° 1976, 1500 $ Monsieur Andrew Folkstone
Directeur de la comptabilité Bonjour, Monsieur.

Veuillez prendre connaissance que le paiement de la facture n° 1976 (datée le 10 avril 2015, en valeur de 1500 $, et arrivée à échéance le 27 avril 2015) n'a pas été reçu.

Nous vous prions de bien vouloir procéder à son règlement au plus tard le 5 mai 2015.
Une copie de cette facture se trouve dans la pièce jointe.

Merci de votre attention. Cordialement,
Ciprian Tudosa
Directeur des comptes
Cargo Fret
1000 Desaulniers, Longueuil (Québec), J4K 4Y6
Téléphone : 450-332-2982; télécopie : 450-332-2983 info@cargofret.ca, www.cargofret.ca

Activité 7 : Réécriture d’un courriel
Réécrivez ce courriel en le rendant plus efficace. Ajoutez ou modifier les éléments nécessaires.
À : Tous les employés
Objet : Problème
Sur les 12 500 employés de Radio Canada, environ 12 000 utilisent le système de messagerie électronique de l’entreprise de façon régulière. Le problème est que la plupart des 12 000 employés qui profitent du serveur de messagerie de l’entreprise le font pour des motifs personnels. La direction est au courant de ce qui se passe et souhaite y mettre un terme. À compter du 1er janvier, le système de messagerie de Radio Canada sera réservé à un usage strictement professionnel. Tout employé pris en train d’utiliser le système à des fins personnelles recevra un avertissement. Trois violations de cette nouvelle procédure de courriels se traduiront par un renvoi.

Correction

À : Tous les employés
Objet : Avis important - nouvelle procédure obligatoire

Mesdames,
Messieurs,

En raison de fait que la plupart d’employés utilise le système de messagerie électronique du Radio Canada pour des motifs personnels, la direction a décidé les sanctions suivantes pour ceux coupables:

* Avertissement (première violation) * Renvoi (troisième violation)

La décision est applicable à partir du 1er janvier.

Cordialement,
Ciprian Tudosa
Directeur Ressources Humaines

Activité 8 : Exercices de grammaire complémentaires
Si vous en éprouvez le besoin, vous pouvez mettre vos connaissances de la grammaire française à l’épreuve en allant compléter quelques exercices en ligne. Prenez également quelques minutes pour visiter les sites du Centre collégial de développement de matériel didactique et de l’Office québécois de la langue française qui regorgent de ressources pour améliorer le niveau de français de tous.
Appel (lettre, courriel) http://66.46.185.79/bdl/gabarit_bdl.asp?t1=1&id=2099 Courriel http://66.46.185.79/bdl/gabarit_bdl.asp?T1=courriel&T3.x=0&T3.y=0 Majuscule http://www.ccdmd.qc.ca/fr/recherche/?mc=majuscules Objet (d’une lettre, d’un courriel) http://66.46.185.79/bdl/gabarit_bdl.asp?t1=1&id=2098 Ponctuation http://www.ccdmd.qc.ca/fr/recherche/?mc=ponctuation Rédaction http://www.ccdmd.qc.ca/fr/recherche/?mc=redaction Registres de langues http://www.ccdmd.qc.ca/fr/recherche/?mc=registresdelangue Salutations (lettre, courriel) http://66.46.185.79/bdl/gabarit_bdl.asp?T1=salutation&T3.x=0&T3.y=0 Signature
http://66.46.185.79/bdl/gabarit_bdl.asp?T1=signature&T3.x=0&T3.y=0

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...performance of hiring working students Introduction While most students have parents that can support them, there are those students that need get what you call a “part-time job” to help their parents that can’t support them all the way. However, being employed and being a student can be too much to a person. The business process outsourcing industry in the Philippines has grown 46% annually since 2006. In its 2013 top 100 ranking of global outsourcing destinations. Significance of the Study There are situations in the life when one must do what they can to achieve their dreams or help their families. Especially if dealt with financial difficulties and there is a need work while studying. They also need to deal with their everyday busy schedules. This research aims to help understand and discuss the issues and concerns of the employed students to benefit the following: Working Students – Being an employee and student at the same time takes a lot of hard work. It can be rigorous but also rewarding especially if you helped your parents. It can also be a good working experience for them for their future. This study will assist them to see the behaviors that help them achieve their professional skills. Scope and Limitations This is study is conducted at the LPU-Manila and the information is viewed only in the light of the particular student and his or her experience as working student. It does not reflect the view of the general working student population or that of other...

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