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The Failure That Saved Me Analysis

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The Failure That Saved Me
Brittney Walker

Suicide isn’t a foreign concept to me. I’ve been depressed since I was around 9 years old, so it makes sense that I’d be familiar with those type of thoughts. For a long time, starting in 7th grade, I was suicidal. Not actively so, thankfully, but at the point where I wouldn’t mind if someone murdered me. I was anxious, alone, and done with everything. My mind was made up; I wasn’t going to try because there was no point. I didn’t believe that I was worth fixing, nor that I was capable of being fixed. I refused any advice because I didn’t believe it would work. I didn’t believe anything would work. Death, in a way, comforted me – reminded me that there was an option aside from the bleak future I saw for myself. …show more content…
So much so, in fact, that the thought of going away to college was the only thing that kept me from attempting suicide. Everything about college appealed to me: choosing my own classes, being an ‘adult’, freedom, independence, going away, et cetera. Granted, being so independent scared me, but I felt – and still feel – that the only way to truly find myself and conquer my fears was to force myself into a situation where I had no choice but to be independent and take care of myself. Unfortunately, my severe anxiety, which traces back to an incident the summer before my 1st grade, got so much worse during my transition from middle to high school. My parents and I tried everything from online classes to a ‘therapeutic’ school for kids with anxiety, but nothing helped and eventually I was so behind that the year I was supposed to be graduating, I found out I didn’t even have enough credits to finish my freshman year. I was heartbroken. I refused to graduate after my two years younger brother, and ultimately made the decision to drop

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