Gone Girl, Real Life and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Communication is a tricky thing especially in a marriage. Married people have their own unique difficulties within their relationships. There are many issues and challenges that a married couple can face, but communication is so vital to the success of their union, that one social psychologist, John Gottman, has made his reputation by studying the field of marital communications. In fact, he was able to study certain behaviors associated with communication and predict who would divorce with an accuracy of 90%!
Gottman entitled his findings the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. These findings indicate that there were four processes, and these processes combined can signal an impending divorce. The four processes are the following: Contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling. Using examples from real life friends and family as well as the novel Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, I will attempt to demonstrate the four processes.
One clear indication of the first process, contempt is eye rolling. This shows that the eye roller feels that they are superior and contemptuous of their spouse. An excerpt from Gone Girl, a novel by Gillian Flynn shows the two main characters, Nick and Amy (husband and wife), who are involved in a difficult marriage. Here Nick is discussing his feelings on his marriage:
I couldn't think of a decent thing I'd done in the past two years. In New York, those first few years of marriage, I'd been desperate to please my wife […] For two years I tried as my old wife slipped away, and I tried so hard—no anger, no arguments, the constant kowtowing, the capitulation, the sitcom-husband version of me […] Each action, each attempt, was met with a rolled eye or a sad little sigh. A ‘you just don't get it’ sigh…
Nick Dunne
This excerpt shows Nick’s frustration at his wife’s contempt.