The Moustache and What It Means The men we are today are sober, clean-cut, perfumed, responsible paper pushers. We haves soft hands, think before we say anything, and help out with the chores at home. Today disputes are settled in courts, and we are satisfied with the smallest amount of remuneration. We occupy our minds with complex words and equations and see very little of the outdoors. We let women vote, speak their minds, and, worst of all, occupy political office. Whereto have our rash, brute, moustache- adorned predecessors disappeared? The world as a whole is lacking real men. We’ve traded in our moustaches and booze for neckties and current events. It wasn’t long ago we had men like King Leopold II of Belgium who marched into Africa, annexed the mighty Congo, and turned a barren jungle into a booming sweatshop by forcing locals to tediously harvest rubber. If even the slightest rebuttal arose, Leopold would dismember the native children’s appendages. Some would say this was counterproductive. We say that he saw what he wanted and took it. This is evidence of true manliness. We shouldn’t let anything stand in the way of our desires—or passions. If we see a mountain we must climb it.
Where have the days gone where we could settle our disputes as Chuck Norris would, with a swift roundhouse kick to the face? There is something gratifying about seeing that bloody maw of our comrades that may have, but a second ago, wore a grimace. These were the times were we could settle a dispute and return to our drinks as friends again. If for any reason the dispute was beyond returning to such a relationship, we would simply take it a step further and handle it with a duel. Whether it be with sabers or six shooters, the conflict would abate, and we would not be bothered by it from then on. If for some reason we were the unfortunate corpse, at the very least, we left the world with dignity and honor.
Dignity and honor are a great deal of what being a real man is about, that, and of course satisfying our every pleasure. Since when do we need to live in a world of equal rights? If we are strong enough and brave enough, we rise to the top. This is the way that it has been from the dawn of time. Anyone who stands in our way either falls or rises to take our place. This upper echelon is supposed to be earned, and there is no room for women. What have they ever done to earn their spot? They cook us mediocre meals each night and complain when we come home late. Where women are there can only be found nagging and need. Why do they think we stay out late? So why have we lost our footing? Where did we go wrong? We failed as soon as we gave women the reigns. This is the root of all our problems. We allowed ourselves to get bullied into relationships. We found ourselves crying with them. We allowed women to domesticate us and hide the Tarzan that is in us all. I don’t remember Jane complaining. They want us to be more like them. We have traded in our Clint Eastwood’s and Frank Sinatra’s for Mark Ruffalo’s and Justin Beiber’s. We have allowed Women to enter the professional world and, with this new taste for power, they want to control our relationships. Suddenly we find ourselves empathizing with them and allowing them our shoulders to cry on. Somewhere we allowed ourselves to start caring for women and seeking their companionship far more than is healthy. It is easy for us to seek their love and company, but we must remember that it is a very slippery slope. Nature has order, and we must maintain that order. Men are inherent rulers. If we seek approval and appreciation from women, it demeans who we are. Nirpal Paliwal helps to assert this truth, “A man who is too in awe of his woman isn't going to tear her blouse open and ravish her on the couch; he isn't going to pull her hair and whisper profanities in her ear.” In order to fix and to prevent further error, we must follow some concrete rules. We must not try and understand women. We must not care about what anyone thinks of us. We must not argue with women. We must not seek empathy when in pain; real men will suck it up and push through it. We must walk with confidence and an air of superiority. We must seek to gratify our inner and natural selves. We must dominate and conquer. We must enforce justice and always defend our own honor. We must never shy away from a fight. Most of all, we must never let anyone see a single tear fall from our eyes. If we follow these simple rules we will protect ourselves from the evil of domestication. We can reclaim the order and leisure we once valued so highly. We can return to our booze, swearing, and moustaches. We can go back to our lives of conquering, exploring, pirating, and ravishing women. We can return to the way things are just supposed to be. Robert Jensen from Alternet.org defines that nature so well when he says, “A man looks at the world, sees what he wants, and takes it. Men who don’t measure up are wimps, sissies, fags, girls.” Works Cited
Dhaliwal, Nirpal. “How Feminism Destroyed Real Men.” Dailymail. Vintage. 4 Aug. 2006. Web. 7 Nov. 2012.

Jensen, Robert. “The High Cost of Manliness.” The Bedford Guide for College Writers. Ed. X. J. Kennedy, Dorothy M. Kennedy, and Marcia F. Muth. 9th ed. Boston: Bedford, 2011. 532-5. Print.