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The Probability of Milk as Homemade Glue

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Nandito ako ngayon sa tabi ng dagat. Nakatayo, habang pinapanood kong naglalakad papalayo ang kaisa-isang taong minahal ko. Isa….. dalawa…. tatlo. Wala na siya. Ang layo na niya sakin. Lumalabo na ang paningin ko at sunod sunod na ang pagpatak ng aking mga luha. Mga luhang nagpapahiwatag sa sakit na aking dinaramdam ngayon. At sa bawat pagpatak ng luha ko’y siya ring pagbalik ng ala-ala naming dalawa. Mga ala-ala kung bakit mahal ko siya. Tanggap ko na. Alam kong hindi kami para sa isa’t isa. Wala na siya. Tuluyan na niya akong iniwan dahil sa isang mababaw na rason. Teka lang, tanggap ko na nga ba? Hindi ko alam. Ang tanging alam ko lamang ngayon ay parang namamatay na ang katawan ko. Namamanhid na ang mga paa ko. Gabi na’t hinihintay ko pa rin siya……. Umaasang babalik siya at sasabihing “Huy, joke lang, tayo pa rin ha?” Ang tanga ko no? Eh umalis na nga yung tao eh! Ano ka ba. At ang tanga ko, di nga naging kami eh. Hahahaha ewan ko ba. Haaaaaay ! Tinapon niya lang ng ganun kadali ang masasaya naming ala-ala. Paano nagsimula ang lahat ng to? Hmmmm ganito yun eh……. “Ekang! Gumising kana! Nandito na ang bespren mo, malalate na kayo sa kasal!” sigaw ng nanay kong mala-trumpeta ang ingay. “Opo Nay! Teka lang! Magsasapatos nalang ako . Bababa na ako!” Grabe naman to oh. Nakalimutan kong kasal pala ng Tita ng Bespren ko. Patay ako nito pag mahuli kami. Agang-aga malas na ang…… napatigil ako. Ang gwapo talaga ng kumag na ito. Malayo palang yan ha? Eh pa’no kung malapit na’yan. Ang daming babaeng humahabol diyan. Para nga akong bodyguard niyan eh. Ang gwapo niya talaga! Yung mga mata niya, ilong niya, mga ngiti niya. Aysuuuuuuuuuus! “Hoy, tama na ang pananaginip sa’kin. Baka mamaya’y matunaw ako niyan ha? HAHAHAHA” sabi ng mayabang kong bespren. “Oyy, ano ka swerte? Bat naman kita papanaginipan? Bangungot ‘yan brad pag nagkataon” pagkakatwa ko. “Asus. Oo na gwapo na ako. Alam ko na’yan. Teka, ang ganda mo ngayon ah! Tao ka na!” pang-aasar ni Kyle. Napatigil ako bigla. Maganda pala ako? Hahahaha hindi talaga marunong magsinungaling ‘tong bespren ko. “Ano? Maganda ako? Waaaaaaaaah! Alam ko na’yan hahahaha.” Pagmamaybang ko. “Oh siya. Bilisan niyo na. baka mahuli pa kayo niyan sa oras.” Saway ng aking ina sa pagaasaran namin ni bespren. “Hahahaha, o siya Nay! Paalam !” sagot ko habang pasakay na sa kotse. “Sige anak. Mang-ingat kayo!” “Hindi ko pababayaan ‘tong anak mo Nay. Hahahaha biro lang po” pagbibiro ng aking bespren.
Salamat at mayroon akong bespren na ganito. Paano kami nagkakilala? Hmmm nagsimula iyan noong umiiyak ako dahil sa pangbubully ng aking mga kamag-aral. Pumunta ako sa plasa para doon ipalabas ang lahat ng luha kong kanina pa nagpupumilit lumabas. Hindi ako iiyak sa harapan nila, sa tapang kong ‘to? Ano sila? Hmmp ! Ganun na nga ang nangyari, umiyak ako ng umiyak at nagtaka ako nang may nag abot sa akin ng panyo. Tumingin ako sa itaas para makita kung kanino galing ang panyo na’to. Hindi ko masyadong makita ang mukha dahil sa luha sa aking mga mata kaya nagpatuloy ako sa pag-iiyak dahil ang sakit lang talaga ng mga braso ko na kanina’y nabugbog. Nabigla nalang ako nung tumabi ang lalaki sa akin. Ano kami, magkaibigan? Pinabayaan ko nalang siya. Binigyan naman niya ako ng panyo kaya sige, tumabi ka lang. Nagtaka ako, bakit parang merong nagsasalita na sobrang daldal. Nakaka inis ha. Kaya sinigawan ko siya, pero napatigil ako nang nakita ko yung mukha niya. Ang gwapo pala niya. Ay nako! Kaya umayos ako ng upo at syempre umupo na parang isang babae. Kaya ayun kinwentuhan niya ako at parang gumaan na ang loob ko sa kanya. Nag usap kami ng kung ano anong bagay at doon nagsimula ang aming pagkakaibigan hanggang sa humantong sa bespren. “Uy Ekang! Gising! Hahahahaha pinapanaginipan mo parin ba ako hanggang ngayon? Ikaw ha huwag kang pahalata jan HAHAHAH”. Pang-aasar ng kumag na’to. “Huwag ka ngang feeler jan.Masakit ang umasa HAHAHAHA. Tara na nga pasok na tayo. Papagalitan tayo nito. Nagsisimula na yung kasal.” Pag-iiba ko ng paksa. “Tara na nga. Ikakasal pa tayo” sabi pa ni bespren na ngising-ngisi pa. “Ewan ko sa’yo. Hahahahaha tara na nga.” Sabi ko sa kanya na may pang-aasar pa na ngiti ah? Para tong ewan.
At ayun na nga. Nagsimula na ang kasal at grabe ‘tong bespren ko. Parang may ibang nakain. Sinabi ba naman sa akin na balang araw kami naman daw ang nasa altar. Loko talaga to oh kung ano ano nalang ang naiisip. Upakan ko kaya? Ay huwag, sayang ang kagwapuhan hahahaha. Pero seryoso, ganyan talaga ang bespren ko, kaya nga ang daming babaeng nagkakagusto diyan eh. Palabiro ‘yan at bolero pa. Pero ‘wag ka! Di ko kalian man papatulan ‘yan. Pumuti pa ang uwak.
Natapos na ang isang araw na kasama ko ulit ang bespren ko. Siya nga pala, Abril pala ngayon kaya wala kaming klase. Talaga naman oh. Pasyal-pasyal na naman kami nito! Ang saya!
*bebeep-beebep* uy may nagtext!
\Ekang. Matulog kana. Alam kong pagod kana. Huwag ka nang umangal ha? Matulog kana\
Ay hala! Ba’t ang tamis ngayon ng bespren ko. Oh sige na nga. Matutulog na ako. Eh paano. Text siya nang text. Haaaay! Ang sarap ng mayroong bespren. Nagdasal muna ako bago matulog at pinasalamatan ko ang Maykapal sa isa na namang araw ng aking buhay.
Mga araw na naman ang lumipas at lagi nalang akong gumagala kasama ang bespren ko. At ngayon nandito kami sa labas ng isang Café. Umuulan kasi ng malakas at di kami makaalis. Wala kasi kaming dalang payong. “Uy Ekang! Bakit ba kasi di ka nagdala ng payong. Ayan tuloy, mababasa tayo nito. Mayroon ka pa naming oras na uwian. Patay ako nito ng Nanay mo.” Inis na sabi ng bespren ko. “Grabe ka naman! Ako talaga ang sinisisi mo?” sabi ko sabay namugnot. “Ito naman, di mabiro, halika, kesa magmukmok tayo sa ulan, ipagsaya nalang natin ito. Halika dali!” sabi ng bespren ko sabay hablot sa aking kamay.
Waaaah! Ano ba’tong ginagawa namin. Basang basa na kami. Nakakaloka! Hinablot ba naman ang kamay ko at nagtampisaw sa ulan. “ Aaaaaah ! ang saya nito !” sigaw naming dalawa habang nasa ilalalim ng ulan.
Naglaro kami, tumakbo, nagtawanan at nagsisigaw na parang mga bata. Nagbuhatan pa nga kami sa ulan eh. Ang bigat niya grabe! At ayun, ginulo ko buhok niya, sinabunutan pa nga eh. Hahaha , tapos wala siyang nagawa kundi magsimangot nalang. Nagbatukan kami sa ilalim ng ulan. Para nga kaming mga baliw eh. Pinagtitinginan na kami ng mga tao. Naghabulan kami hanggang sa maabot ang bahay namin. Wala na, papagalitan talaga kami nito. Pero okay lang, ang saya ko ngayon eh. Baliw talaga ‘tong bespren ko. “Anak! Ba’t ang basa-basa niyo! Halikayo, pasok kayo. Hay nako, mga bata talaga. Tsk tsk tsk.” Dakdak ng pinakamamahal kong Nanay. “Di ka galit sa amin Inay?” sabay pagpapacute sa Inay. “Asus. Sa mukha mong ‘yan? Paano ako magagalit aber?” “Kaya nga mahal kita Nay eh!” Bola ko sa aking nanay. “Asus, nangbola pa. Sige na magbihis kana. Ikaw rin Kyle, magbihis kana at umuwi na rin sa bahay niyo. Masyado nang malalim ang gabi.” “Opo Inay, ay Tita pala.” Biro ng bespren kong may saltik sa ulo.
Natapos na naman ang isang araw na napakasaya. Lumipas pa ang mga ilang araw at nagpasyal pasyal pa kami. Tinikman ang iba’t ibang pagkain sa ibang lugar at pumunta sa falls malapit sa amin. Isang araw, mayroon akong kasamang iba. Nagpatulong kasi ako sa proyekto ko na tanging siya lang ang makakatulong. Pero nakita kami ni Kaloy na masayang nagtatawanan. Iba nag interpretasyon niya. Alam ko. Ang lungkot ng mga mata niya. Ang sabi ko kasi sa kanya masakit ang ulo ko kaya hindi ako makakalabas. Nagsinungaling ako at wala na, huli na ang lahat. Alam kong galit iyon sa’kin. Tatapusin ko nalang ang proyektong ito at mamaya’y kakausapin ko na siya.
Gabi na at natapos ko ang proyekto ko. Pag-uwi ko ng bahay ay nakita ko ang Nanay kong naghihintay sa’kin. Parang ang lungkot lungkot ng mata niya. “Nay bakit? Ano po ang nangyari?” tanong ko sa nanay ko. “Anak huwag kang mabibigla ha. Pupunta ka na sa Taguig sa susunod na linggo. Kailangan eh, sasabihin nalang lahat sa iyo ng Tatay mo pagdating mo doon. “Ha? ano nay? Paano? Bakit? Si bepren………” lungkot kong sabi. “Alam ko anak, pero kailangan eh. Sumunod ka nalang. Matulog kana.” Sabi ng nanay ko.
Pumunta na ako sa kwarto ko at pumikit saglit. Marami akong inaalala. Ang pinakaimportanteng bagay na maiiwan ko dito ay si Nanay at syempre si Kaloy, ang aking dakilang bespren.
Tinignan ko ang telepono ko. Tatawagan ko siya. Makikipagkita ako sa kanya.Hindi ko alam ang reaksyon niya pero wala akong magagawa. Kahit galit ‘yun sa’kin kakausapin ko parin siya.Tinawagan ko na siya at sinabi niyang makikipagkita daw siya sa akin. Ang lamig talaga niya ngayon. Dahil ba sa kasama ko kanina? Haaay , bahala na. Nagdasal ako at natulog na. Bukas ko na sasabihin ang lahat.
Andito na ako ngayon sa tabi ng dagat. Hinihintay siya. Ito rin ang lugar kung saan bibigyan ako ng kumag na iyon ng mga bulaklak. Ay! Nandito na pala siya. “Kalooooooooooooy!” sabay yakap sa kanya. “Bakit tayo mag-uusap?” malamig na sabi niya. “Grabe naman. May sasabihin lang ako sayo.” “ Ano?” “Aalis na ako. Pupunta na akog Taguig, di ko alam ang dahilan. Sabi ni Papa eh, wala akong magagawa.” Malungkot kong sabi.
“Ah yan lang ba?” sabi niya sabay alis.
Di ko alam ha, nanaginip lang ba ako o nakita ko ang bespren kong umiiyak? Pero WAW ANG SAKIT LANG.Ganun nalang ba iyon. Aalis siya nang ganyan kabilis? Ako na nga ang naghihirap dito eh. Marami akong mamimiss na tao tapos ganyan siya? Ang sakit lang.
Nandito ako ngayon sa tabi ng dagat. Nakatayo, habang pinapanood kong naglalakad papalayo ang kaisa-isang taong minahal ko. Isa….. dalawa…. tatlo. Wala na siya. Ang layo na niya sakin. Lumalabo na ang paningin ko at sunod sunod na ang pagpatak ng aking mga luha. Mga luhang nagpapahiwatag sa sakit na aking dinaramdam ngayon. At sa bawat pagpatak ng luha ko’y siya ring pagbalik ng ala-ala naming dalawa. Mga ala-ala kung bakit mahal ko siya. Tanggap ko na. Alam kong hindi kami para sa isa’t isa. Wala na siya. Tuluyan na niya akong iniwan dahil sa isang mababaw na rason. Teka lang, tanggap ko na nga ba? Hindi ko alam. Ang tanging alam ko lamang ngayon ay parang namamatay na ang katawan ko. Namamanhid na ang mga paa ko. Gabi na’t hinihintay ko pa rin siya……. Umaasang babalik siya at sasabihing “Huy, joke lang, tayo pa rin ha?” Ang tanga ko no? Eh umalis na nga yung tao eh! Ano ka ba. At ang tanga ko, di nga naging kami eh. Hahahaha ewan ko ba. Haaaaaay ! Tinapon niya lang ng ganun kadali ang masasaya naming ala-ala. Umuwi na ako at sinabi ko sa sarili kong di na ako iiyak nang dahil sa kanya. Akala niya ha.
Ilang gabi ko rin siyang iniyakan. Akala ko di ako iiyak pero mali na naman ako. Ang sakit lang eh, nagpapadala ako ng sulat sa kanya sa pamamagitan ng facebook at lagi lang niyang binabasa. Aba’t wala man lang reply. Tssss.Di bale, makakaraos din ako dito sa Taguig. Oktubre na pala, di ko namamalayan ang oras. Unti unting humihilom ang sugat sa puso ko. Kung bakit? Dahil may isang lalake ngayon na nagpaptibok ng puso ko. Pero alam niyo? Nalungkot din ako nang magkausap kami ng kapatid ng bespren ko. Sabi niya kasi na ilang gabi rin akong iniiyakan ni Kaloy. Alam niya pala ang rason kung bakit ako umalis. Kinausap siya ng Tatay ko at pinaki-usapan niya na huwag daw akong pigilan dahil mahihirapan lang ako. Para kasi sa kinabukasan ko iyon eh. Ang tanga niya no? Pero kahit ganun yun mahal ko’yon. Mahal ko pa rin siya hanggang ngayon. Pero may nakilala akong bago eh. Naguguluhan na ako kasi di ko alam kung sino ang pipiliin ko sa kanila. May kasabihan nga na kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa, kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ulit kung mahal mo pa yung una. Di ko alam kung sino ba ang mas matimbang sa puso ko. Ang tanging alam ko lang, Masaya na ako sa buhay ko.Natapon man ang puso ko noon, alam kong darating ang tamang oras na pupulitin ito ng taong nakatadhana sa akin at siya ang mag aayos nito ulit.

“Bago ka gumawa ng desisyon, pag-isipan mo munang mabuti kung sasaya kaba sa desisyong pinili mo o hindi. Kasi sa buhay, maibabalik nga ang oras, sa literal na paraan, pero kalian man di mo maibabalik ang oras ng panahon.”

Si Federica Libunao ay ipinanganak noong Setyembre 1, 2000 sa Palo,Leyte.Si Rosemarie Libunao at Adolfo Larrazabal ang nagbigay buhay sa batang ito. Bata palang ay nagtiis na siya ng napakatinding sakit na halos ikamatay niya. Nang matapos ang kalbaryo niya, sinabi niya sa kaniyang sarili na balang araw ay magbibigay siya ng inspirasyon doon sa mga taong dumaan katulad ng daang dinaan niya. Ipinangako niya sa sarili na paglaki niya, magiging doktor siya at kung di man ay magiging manunulat siya kung saan siya ay magbibigay inspirasyon sa mga taong nasa madilim na lugar.

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