Wedding Gift Summary

Mary and John are a newly married couple that have begun discussing finally moving into a home together. With all relationships though, comes conflict in the decision making process. From Mary’s point of view, John is far too uptight with their finances and she fears that this quality will negatively influence the lifestyle she is accustom to. Recently graduated from law school, Mary feels that her sacrifices to stay in Fort Myers include finding the job she strives for (because the job market is saturated) and having to accept a lower pay because John wants to stay in the area for his career with Widgets International. They have argued about their finances in the past but never resolved the issues so it has become the heart of their present issue. Mary’s father has presented them with a $10,000 wedding gift and they currently have $15,000 in savings. Mary wants to use the money to help purchase a more expensive house to sate her need for a higher lifestyle.

Preparation

In preparation for the negation with John we decided our central concern is can we afford to buy a comfortable house on our current income. Mary is use to more of the finer things that her parents provided her. Our goal is to buy the most expense and luxurious house on our current financial situation.

Our interests were location, security and community of the house that want to buy. For location, Fort Myers would not provide her a high of paying job nor be with a reputable company but will due for now. In the aspect of security, is the house in a safe location, crime rate, and sexual predators nearby. Also is the house in a gated community with a community fitness center. We decided on these were important factors in buying a house because we want to become our home, a warm place to be, not just merely a house we live in. Mary is use to entertaining guests and having friends over, another concern is, will this house allow for her to be able to show off and be proud of it.

Now concentrating on John we were concerned that his sporadic spending habits are going to put us in even more debt. Also, when and how should she tell John about the trust fund, raise and rejected job offers. Our marriage needs to be based on trust and truth, but we were concerned about how he was going to react to the situations.

We came up with some interests and concerns John may have had too. Concerning the house, would it have a big enough yard to play ball in with our future child or dog. Also, how far would he have to drive to and from work each day. John seems to be caught up worrying about our finances, so what would be the gas expenses of traveling to work, do we have enough money to pay off our debts and loans, and are the interest rates singing us even further into the ground. He was probably also concerned with if we can afford a house and will we be approved for the loan that we want.

Some interest and concerns that we probably share are; can we afford a confortable house, what community will we decide on. How long do we plan to live in the house and how will this house impact Mary finding a getting the right job.

All of the elements mentioned above are factors that we will try/tried to incorporate into our negotiation. The Mary group did some negotiation with in to come up with some of these ideas and try to “expand the pie” so that when we went into the negotiation we had more to bring to the table than just rates and prices of a house we wished to purchase.

The progress of events in the stimulation

Walking into the negotiation Mary stated her wants, which was a big home at the price of $150,000. John knew that the price she wanted was unacceptable and he immediately told her no. He proceeded to remind Mary that they had total debt of $35,000 and $22,985 of that debt was all hers. Mary did not feel that John’s point was valid because he just purchased a new car knowing that they wanted to save money. A new truck is just a gas guzzler in her eyes and Mary felt he could have spent his money on a more economical car. Throughout the beginning of the negotiation John and Mary continued to argue about expenses. Mary did not want to budge on her price of $150,000 and she insisted that she got a pool. She explained that she would not settle for a lifestyle less than the one that she was accustomed to. Mary suggests that she speak to her cousin who was a financial counselor and John did not approve.

The two realized that their conversation was not going well so they began to be rational. Mary asked John what the major problem was and he told her that they were in major debt at high interest rates. His main interest was to start paying off debt and get approved for a mortgage. John communicated to Mary that her expectations where to high and that they needed to be more realistic. She realized that she might have been reaching too far so she asked if they could look at homes for $100,000. John laughed at her and replied with $60,000, she was not happy with his reply. They knew that a solution needed to be made so Mary decide to tell John that she had money in a trust fund from her father and agreed to pay off her debt that had high interest rates. This was great news to John as he realized the stress from their debt would soon go away. Mary realized that she was being unfair and decided to make a deal with John that she would not focus on price as long as they could find a home with the amenities she wanted. The couple agreed on a lower price foreclosure that had the pool and nice features that she wanted.

John and Mary decided to put 20% down to avoid the PMI and would pay off all debt except the student and car loan which had low interest rates. They chose a $90,000 dollar home and were able to keep $5000 in their savings account for emergencies. The decisions ended up to be a “win-win” one because John’s priority was to pay off high interest debt and Mary’s priority was to be in a nice home. In the end Mary got her target price that she wanted in a home.

Win -Win

Mary wants to reach an amicable solution with John so that both parties are happy with the decision. They achieved this “win-win” mind set by listening to each other’s grievances, thinking of multiple solutions, and choosing the one that suited both equally. Both Mary and John had particular interests and priorities that motivated them to reach a solution. At the beginning of the negotiation, Mary nor John did a good job of telling each other their interests. John was focused solely on the money aspect of the situation until Mary mentioned using the trust fund, set up by her father, to pay off her debt. After that piece of information was shared, the negotiation went a lot smoother. Both Mary and John took turns telling one another what they wanted and then discussed it in more detail.

In order to develop and explore options, there was the need to separate the people from the problem. All positions aside, Mary and John needed a house to live in. That was the core problem to be fixed. All of the other information provided is sources of interests, needs, and/or priorities, which brings me to the next step of exploring the options. When trying to come to a “win-win” solution, interests should be the main tool being used. When someone’s interests are met, they are much more likely to accept the little aspects of the negotiation they would normally disagree with. In Mary and John’s case, John was not as focused on the cost of the house they bought as long as their debt was paid down first. When that task was completed, Mary’s priority was met as well because she was able to buy the nice house she had been wanting. Brainstorming is a good tool to use to generate ideas. Writing down those ideas, no matter how ridiculous they are, can help bring about a solution that both parties find acceptable.

After pinpointing the interests/priorities of both John and Mary, the conclusion was made that John would not loosen up on the financial aspect of their relationship until their debt was paid off. From Mary’s point of view, the solution to their problems was simple: use money from the trust fund to pay off a good portion of the debt. Her father may not have approved of the action but it would help her achieve the end goal; buy a nice house. In order to evaluate and choose that solution, John and Mary’s primary goals were put into question. Does this solution satisfy both of their interests? Do they both come out of the negotiation winners? The solution that was chosen answered yes to both of those questions and both parties felt comfortable with the decisions made.

What aspects of the negotiation were “win-lose?”

The beginning of the negation seemed like it would turn out to be a win-lose situation because John and Mary could not come to a mutual agreement. John resented Mary for her bad spending habits and Mary felt like John kept her in Ft. Myers where she did not have much job opportunities. John had a bonus coming in that he did not tell Mary right away and Mary knew about a trust fund from her father that she did not want to tell John about. Mary initial offer was to get a $150,000 home and John wanted to spend $60,000. The gap between the two prices showed that someone would win and someone would lose.

What did you learn from the exercise?

“I learned that money does not always equal the type of house that you can get. There are ways to get the perfect home at a price within your budget. The most important thing to focus on when negotiating is to discuss the interest and concerns first. Establishing common ground can prevent many problems within communication. If two people do not establish common ground there may be many things that they both want but go unrecognized. In the negotiation John and Mary just spoke about price and if they did not start to talk about the things they both wanted in a home they probably would’ve never come to a solution.”

“This exercise taught me that even when people have opposite points of view, they both can still come out winners. Mary wanted to spend more money on a house while John wanted to save it to reduce their debt. Also, it made me realize that it is much easier to negotiate with someone that you know is trying to come to a solution that benefits both parties. Win-win situations are much harder to achieve because you have to think of the other person’s interests, not just your own.“

I learned from this exercise communication is key. John and Mary had nearly opposite goals and motives when buying the house. We are going to encounter problems like this more often than not; it is especially difficult to work with a spouse or loved one. Being able to speak freely and express your opinion