“Women's liberation”

When my parents were still married I saw first hand how repressing, nonfunctional and dissatisfying patriarchal marriages can be, specifically for the women involved. I often saw how my dad would try to control my mother and tell her how things should be run inside our home as well as outside. He would restrict her in every possible way to the point where she would have little to no say in the decisions taken at home. He would restrict her from hanging out or even talking to certain friends because he though they were a bad influence on her and they would end up filling her head with “nonsense”. It extended to the point where she wasn't even allowed to speak with any male outside of her family. Since my mom was a stay at home mom and didn't have a job outside of our house she would depend on my dad economically and this meant he was often the one who took the economic decisions of our family and often most of the decisions. My dad believed a women should not work and should stay at home to take care of her children and her husband. This would often make my mom dissatisfied with her marriage because he would treat her more like a maid than his wife. She would never be in the same level in the relationship as him, she would always be below him. She would always have to be the one making sacrifices for the sake of our family and her marriage. This type of marriage was very common in Mexico where we lived at the time. Since Mexico has a patriarchal society they see this type of behavior normal and my mom wouldn’t have anyone who she could turn to except for her other girlfriends who would be going through the same thing and as helpless as her. This changed once we moved here, since this country has a more gender equality mindset and is common for women to work and be independent. Awhile after we moved here my mom was forced to take a small job since we needed more money to send to Mexico because they needed to pay a debt in Mexico. Without really expecting it my mom was taking her first steps of independence away from my dad. When my parents noticed this new job was helping them pay off the debt faster my parents agreed my mom should take a full time job instead. This new job and her recently found economic freedom gave her the courage to leave my dad after 17 years of marriage. She found it difficult at first but she says she is very happy now and enjoys the freedom it offers her.
In The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman it shows the main character, a married women in the late 1800's, go through the same struggles my mom once did in her marriage. The story depicts the struggle she had to go through in order to let herself be heard and understood and the constant battles against society and her husbands imposing sexist views on women. As well as escape the time's superannuated medical diagnosis and “cures” imposed on her.
All throughout the story the main character is told what to do and when to do it with little to no say over such decisions.She gets treated more so as a small child by her husband than a grown women who is also a mother and a wife. At the beginning of the story the women and her husband moved to this colonial mansion in order for the main character to get better in health, this in orders of her husband John since she had no say in the decision insinuating John is the only one who takes the decisions in their relationship and she is to follow them without any opposition since she is the women in the relationship. Her personal wants and desires are not taken into consideration by her husband either such as when he ignored what room she wanted to stay at and gave her the one he thought would suit her. “I don't like our room a bit. I wanted one downstairs that opened on the piazza and had roses all over the window, and such pretty old-fashioned chintz hangings! but John would not hear of it”. Her husband John dictates every single detail of her life, giving her no choices at all to a point where he even manipulates her into thinking the reason he does so is because he loves her when he is actually controlling her. She states here how her husband gives her an specific schedule she is to follow religiously everyday “I have a schedule prescription for each hour in the day; he takes all care from me, and so I feel basely ungrateful not to value it more”. Her husband John controls her so much he basically treats her as a small child in whats supposed to be her temporary home giving her a bedroom from which it used to be a nursery, with barred windows as if she could be careless enough to fall out of the window or attempt to escape. She even starts to treat him as a father figured asking him if she should do certain things she wishes and receiving responses from her husband usually said to a child instead of your spouse, the actions John takes means he doesn’t see her as his equal making the marriage uneven. Here she ask permission instead of suggesting him her wants. “I tried to have a real earnest reasonable talk with him the other day, and tell him how I wish he would let me go and make a visit to Cousin Henry and Julia but he said I wasn't able to go, nor able to stand it after I got there; and I did not make out a very good case for myself, for I was crying before I had finished” he also dictates her how she will feel in such situation leaving her no room for self expression. John would also take certain actions a father would usually take with their own child such as when he carried his wife to the bedroom and put her to bed and then decided to read her a book to calm her down. “And dear John gathered me up in his arms, and just carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, and sat by me and read to me till it tired my head” this passage shows how little self-will she has and just how uneven their relationship is. In a patriarchal society women basically had two roles in marriage; having sex and giving birth. The character recently gave birth to a newborn child and said to be going through depression this leads me to think she is actually going through postpartum depression and not just a depression. Her not being able to properly take care of her newborn child strips her from any mother characteristics and this leads her to not being allowed to take care of her own child as stated by her “It is fortunate Mary is so good with the baby. Such a dear baby!And yet I canot be with him, it makes me so nervous.”. As well as not being able to have sex with her husband would take away her wife duties in marriage as shown here “It does weigh on me so not to do my duty in any way!” hence her husband treating her as a child since the two ways from which distinguishes a women form a child, she is not able to fulfill. John doesn’t understand how she really feels and often ignores her feelings and tells her she is not well and that is the reason as to why she feels sad or not alright. She is dissatisfied with her marriage because she is not understood by her husband and often she is left to be alone with little to no social interactions because that is how John thinks she will eventually get better. Her feelings are of no importance to her husband as stated here “That spoils my ghostliness, I am afraid, but I don't care--there is something strange about the house--I can feel it.
I even said so to John one moonlight evening, but he said what I felt was a draught, and shut the window”. The women was trying to express her feelings to her husband and his reaction to this was to shut the window this symbolizes shutting down her feelings and her mouth because he doesn't care how she feels. She feels that writing would make her express her frustrations and talk about how she feels but she knows her husband disapproves of anything that might involve using her mind and intelligence because he sees it as not worth it and invaluable and hence preventing her from doing what she enjoys as she stated “ There comes John, and I must put this away,--he hates to have me write a word”. The women is not able to do what is expected of her even outside of the marriage which is to look nice and pretty, being able to bring prestige to her marriage and keeping her house and marriage in order as stated “Nobody would believe what an effort it is to do what little I am able,--to dress and entertain, and order things” this symbolizes the position women were seen as, someone who should be a decoration to a family more similar to an object, a possession, than a person who has preferences and feelings. Since the women was not able to do any of these things she is of little value to her husband. She makes a great contrast with John's sister who is consider a great person because she is able to fulfill everything society ask of her as a women. “She is a perfect and enthusiastic housekeeper, and hopes for no better profession. I verily believe she thinks it is the writing which made me sick” since John's sister is the perfect women she believes writing is not for women and will only make the women more sick and unstable. John's sister's name is not included in this paragraph because she represents women in a patriarchal society since she doesn’t have a personality, no say, she is like every other proper women in the late 1800's, with no special quality to her. She only focuses on doing what is expected of her and she is not seen as a person but as an object and objects don’t have names. This is the reason as to why the main character doesn’t have a name in the story as well, even though she writes and believes in self expression her mindset is that of her husband's since he likes to tell her what to think and how to feel as well. The women in the story was trying to fight the erroneous methods of recovery her husband impose on her as well as is stated by her “John is a physician, and perhaps that is one reason I do not get well faster”. She is trying to get well and recover from her postpartum depression by writing and socializing and being able to do things which involves using her creativity since this makes her feel better. “I think sometimes that if I were only well enough to write a little it would relieve the press of ideas and rest me” Her husband not approving of her writing or her creativity makes her feel very dissatisfied and would often have to hide her desires and wants from him in order to keep him satisfied. “It is so discouraging not to have any advice and companionship about my work”. This shows how she is the one who always has to sacrifice herself in the relationships, making her relationship with her husband unfair and eventually going into a deeper depression since she feels no support from her husband. The women finds relief in writing and being able to express herself freely without any judgments as to what she truly feels and wants. This is the reason as to why she has a diary and always tries to hide it from people because she knows her feelings and wants are not what a women should feel or desire. The reason she is not able to recover from her nervousness is the fact that she always has to hide her true self and she worries and fears someone would find out her true self. She doesn’t feel safe in her own home or even in her own marriage, she has to constantly fight a battle between what she is and what she should be as stated in this passage “And I know John would think it absurd. But I must say what I feel and think in some way--it is such a relief”.
The women after having been observing the yellow wallpaper she starts seeing what appears to be bars on the wallpaper which appear with any sort of light. “At night in any kind of light, in twilight, candle light, lamplight, and worst of all by moonlight, it becomes bars! The outside pattern I mean, and the woman behind it is as plain as can be” this symbolizes the start of the women's enlightenment and realization that she represents the women she sees on the wallpaper and the light cast on the wallpaper is the newly found information that she is actually treated as a prisoner by her husband - hence the reason as to why she is starts to feel insecure around her husband as she stated “The fact is I am getting a little afraid of John”. Later on she describes the women in the yellow wallpaper “Then in the very bright spots she keeps still, and in the very shady spots she just takes hold of the bars and shakes them hard” this symbolizes her actions when being with John and Jennie and when being alone. When she is with her husband or Jennie she acts the way she is expected to act, she “keeps still” and when she is alone she is able to act as herself and do the things she enjoys such as writing “shaking the bars”. When she said “I think that woman gets out in the daytime!” This symbolizes of when her husband is away during the day she is allowed to freely express herself through writing and when John gets back at night she is not allowed to do so. “ I always lock the door when I creep by daylight. I can't do it at night, for I know John would suspect something at once” By the end of the story the women starts to notice her husband doesn’t genuinely love her as she starts to see through her husbands actions as stated here “He asked me all sorts of questions, too, and pretended to be very loving and kind” she starts to see her husband only pretends to care about her. The reason she locked herself inside the room and threw the key out was because she wanted to at last give John an order and him not able to say no since getting the key would be the only way of opening the door. “Then he said--very quietly indeed, "Open the door, my darling! I can't," said I. "The key is down by the front door under a plantain leaf!” This paragraph is the only time she is able to speak clearly about something she wants and doesn’t back away from her request until it is done. This symbolizes her self expression freedom she so strongly desired and has achieved at last. When she tells her husband "I've got out at last," said I, "in spite of you and Jane. And I've pulled off most of the paper, so you can't put me back!” this is the time her husband finally realized what has being going on all this time she was acting strange and he cannot believe that she truly did get out. When he fainted he did so in a way from which was described as being in the way of the women's path such as symbolizing he was the only thing preventing her from finding freedom but now that he was knocked down there is no obstruction to her path and from now on she would just walk over her husbands orders and do as she pleases as is described here “Now why should that man have fainted? But he did, and right across my path by the wall, so that I had to creep over him every time”.