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Love Types
Introduction
Love styles are modes of operation that show the various ways in which people love. John Lee captured these types of love in 1973 in his classic book titled ‘Colors of Love’. There are six types of love, they include; Eros, Ludus, Storge, Mania, Pragma and Agape. This subject is very interesting and is often found in many films. When Harry met Sally and War of the Roses are two classic films that borrow heavily from love styles. When Harry met Sally is a 1989 film in relation to the creation of a relationship; it is a romantic comedy. The two main characters are friends for a period of twelve years before becoming lovers. The film raises the question, “can women and men ever just be friends?”. It also addresses many household concepts that are encountered in a relationship, this include; “transitional person” and” high maintenance” girlfriend. It entails storge, where the individuals involved first become friends before they become partners. War of the Roses is also a 1989 film on breaking down of a relationship. It is about a wealthy couple who seem to be in a perfect relationship until things begin to fall apart and a gruesome divorce battle takes the center stage. The relationship between the Roses also starts of as friendship. The divorce becomes outrageous and it gets out of hand as the couple goes as far as trying to kill each other.
Outline of Love Types
Eros is a passionate, romantic, physical, sensual and emotional love. In such a relationship, love is the most important thing in life. It is typical for this type of love to search for physical beauty. Erotic lovers tend to fall in love pretty early in a relationship; their love is very passionate and intense. They choose their lovers by “chemistry” or intuition. These types of lovers feel the need to know and share everything with their loved ones. They also idealize their partners; they get intensely hurt once their partners criticize them, and their reaction to separation is despair and agony. Other types of lovers perceive erotic lovers as trapped or unrealistic. Erotic lovers also have a tendency to use nicknames on each other, such as “sexy” or “sweetie”. When in love, it is very relaxing, however, when love fades, it is impossible for them to hide the fact that they are no longer attracted to one another. Examples of films that have Eros include Romeo and Juliet, Pretty Woman and Girl with a Pearl Earring among others.
Ludus is an uncommitted or game – playing type of love; it is a love that is perceived as a sport or conquest. Ludic lovers are referred to as players; they often want to have as much fun as possible. Deceit is a big part of the game, and a person in pursuit of lucid love may have several lovers with no commitment to any of them. Lucids tend to be self oriented, they minimize commitment and dependency, and it is rare for them to become overly involved with one partner. They never reveal their true feelings or thoughts with a partner that they seem to have an advantage over. They usually seek out pleasure in the form of sex. Criticism from their partners only begets indifference from them. They also replace a partner as soon as they separate with him or her; they don’t get a chance to get hurt. They view marriage as a trap and children as a sign of fertility rather than masculinity. They also love challenging relationships. Examples of films with ludic love include; Cruel Intentions and Dangerous Liaisons among others.
Storge is a type of love that develops with time and is based on friendship. It develops out of mutual concern, sharing, companionship, respect, rapport, and understanding. This type of relationship entails people that love taking part in activities together. The end result is usually a long term relationship with sex not being very passionate or intense (as in Eros), however, it is an enduring, stable and solid type of love. These lovers sometimes find that they cannot tell the exact moment that they realized that they love each other. Partners’ reactions to criticism involve; constructive problem solving, compromise, and give and take. They tend to feel empty and lost in case of separation. They view marriage and children as legitimate forms of bonds. Examples of films with storge include; When Harry met Sally and Love & Basketball.
Mania is a type of love that is extreme, irrational, jealous, possessive and obsessive; they tend to be consumed with thoughts of their better halves. A manic lover is likely to do something silly or crazy, such as stalking. They go through major highs and lows and tend to need a lot of togetherness, affection and attention. Love is of a very intense nature to them and they fear infidelity in case they are caught. They love reassurance and hence they have a tendency to put love to the test. Criticism from their partners makes them hypersensitive, defensive and even violent at times. They instantly panic at the thought of separation from their loved ones. Mania in films can be found in Taxi Driver, Swimfan, Play Misty for Me and Fatal Attraction.
Pragma is a type of love that is driven by the head, rather than the heart (it is very realistic and logical). It is undemonstrative, practical and pragmatic; they have reasonable expectations of their partners. It is a love created for the purpose of attaining a common goal, such as in a coalition; it is a mutually beneficial relationship. Romance is not a vital part of the relationship. Individuals in such a relationship have partners at work or the places that they spend most time. Sex is usually perceived to be technical for the purpose of producing children, when there is need. Pragmatic lovers tend to be self oriented and they react to criticism from their partner by being analytical and defensive. They tend to view children and marriage as assets or potential liabilities. They however are very societally, culturally and socially oriented. Political marriages are a good example of Pragma.
Agape is a selfless, giving, caring, altruistic, kind, and gentle type of love, it is brotherly love. It is indeed rare and is associated with the church. For example, mother Theresa showed Agape love for poor and needy people. The Agapic lover generally gets more pleasure when giving rather than receiving in a relationship. This type of lover is also very loyal, understanding, patient, forgiving and willing to make sacrifices for the partner. They wish to take care of their partners and view them as blessings. When confronted with criticism from their partners, they are willing to compromise or change. They get empty and lost in case of separation from their loved ones. They also tend to wait for their partners in case of a breakup. They view children and marriage as sacred trust, and sex as a gift between them. Agape love can be seen in Titanic, The Bible, and Untamed Heart.
Women are believed to be more pragmatic or storgic, while men are believed to be lucid lovers. Erotic type of love has a higher chance of success than any other type of love; it is satisfactory and passionate. When teenagers first fall in love, they portray the characteristics of a Mania love. If two people are in a relationship with the same love style, the relationship is believed to last longer. Individuals often look for compatible partners with similar love styles.
How love types are Operationalized In When Harry met Sally, Harry and Sally both finished school at the University of Chicago and shared a ride to New York City, where they are both beginning their careers. The two have differing ideas about relationships and between women and men in general. Harry is of the opinion that “Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way”. Sally disagrees and says that women and men can be friends with no sex involved. The two later on become friends as they continue dating other people, even going to the extent of hooking each up with their friends. In the end, they both realize that they have strong feelings for each other. In The War of the Roses, Oliver and Barbara meet at an auction and instantly become friends; Barbara misses her ferry home and ends up sleeping with Oliver who eventually marries her. Cracks begin forming in the family as Oliver becomes successful and Barbara grows restless and begins disliking him immensely. Oliver is generally dismissive, self centered and very controlling towards Barbara. Barbara would rather have Oliver dead and she seeks a divorce.

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