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DYING, DEATH AND GRIEF: CHAPLAIN PAUL G. DURBIN, PH.D.:
TRIBUTE TO DR. ELIZABETH KUBLER-ROSS (2004):
THEORIST ON GRIEF DIES AT 78: DR ELIZABETH KUBLER-ROSS DIES AT 78: [New Orleans Times-Picayune: Aug 26, 2004: The Associated Press]
ELISABETH KUBLER-ROSS DIES AT AGE 78 ON AUGUST 24, 2004: [From Elisabeth Kubler-Ross website: http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/ ]:

(Taken from a seminar manuscript "Dying, Death and Grief"
By Chaplain Paul G. Durbin, Ph.D.)
From the Book of Ecclesiastes, the 5th verse of the 9th chapter, we read, "For the living know that they shall die." Life is but a short journey from the cradle to the grave. For some death comes early in life, for others in the middle years and for some it comes with old age. Whatever period of life death occurs, it comes to all. Death is the great equalizer for it comes to the rich and poor, the loved and unloved, the happy and the sad, to the male and female, the good and the bad. In some cases death can be postponed or delayed, but eventually it comes to all. None of us are exempt as we realize that one day, we too must die.
Dying, death and bereavement are fundamental and pervasive aspects of the human experience. We can only achieve fullness of living by understanding and appreciating these realities. The absence of such understanding and appreciation may result in unnecessary suffering, loss of dignity, alienation and diminished quality of living. Though education about dying, death and bereavement should be an essential component of the education process, it has been greatly neglected in both formal and informal education.
During this seminar, I hope that you will be involved as a total person with feelings, emotions and intellect. Through lecture, exercises and discussion our time together can help us better understand dying and death so that we can better face death and therefore make it a little easier for us to live and to help those who are dying.
In addition to the dying and death process, we will discuss grief resulting from the death of a significant other as well as from other loses. The next two hours may at time be painful, but hopeful helpful and meaningful. The pain may at times be sharp and at other time simply the dull throb of frustration with things as they are. There may be times when something is triggered within you concerning death that you have not death with or come to terms with. Today you might uncover feelings that you never knew you had or which long ago you buried in your subconscious mind. This is not the purpose of the seminar except how dealing with these issues may help you better deal with people who are dying or the loved one of someone who is dying.
The seminar is designed to promote sharing attitudes, approaches and insights in dealing with a person who is facing death, with a family of the patient, with a person experiencing the loss of someone or something import to their existence. For you to get the maximum benefit from our time together, share your feelings - not just what comes from the head but from the heart as well. In other words, this seminar with be most helpful if you are involved emotionally and intellectual.
Though we see death (real and fictitious) on TV many times a day and read about it each day in our newspapers, death is still a morbid subject. We tend to ignore death until death comes knocking at our door. We don't talk much about death except in quiet voices or in jokes; neither do we talk much about the mourning and grieving process. It has been said that while sex was the taboo subject of the first half of the 20th century, death has been the taboo subject of the second half.
For example, we continue to cloak death's reality with various phrases. When referring to death, what words do you use or hear other use. (participants respond) "The deceased." "He expired." "She passed away" "He is gone." She has gone to his eternal reward." "God has taken her home." But seldom do we use the simple phrase, "He died." "She died."
I remember the story of Aunt Bessie telling her friend about the death of their pastor. Aunt Bessie had been the house keeper for Mr. Stellman Willis for many years. Her house was next door to Mr. Willis'. One day as Aunt Bessie set in the swing on her porch, Mr. Willis drove his car into the drive way and he and a friend got out of the car. The friend was a member of Aunt Bessie's church so Aunt Bessie said, " Brother Williams passed." The friend did not respond so Aunt Bessie spoke louder, "I said Brother Williams passed." Startled by the tone of Aunt Bessie's voice, the friend said, "Well, where was he going?" Aunt Bessie shot back, "He died you damn fool, he died."
Though we have begun to talk more about death, it is still a fearful, frightening, happening. The fear of death is universal even if we think we have mastered that fear. Remember the words of the Ecclesiastes 9:5, "For the living know that they shall die." Although we accept the truth of that statement, we have difficulty in coping with our own feelings about death. To think of our own death is something we seldom do. What is like to be dying? If we have some idea of what the answer to that question might be, then we've going to be in a better position to help. I think it is import to come to terms with our own dying in order to more effectively help those who are dying or those whose loved one had died.
I would like for you to write the three most important people, things or activities in your life on separate sheets of paper. Now use your imagination with this exercise. You have been feeling bad for several days so you go to see your doctor. You go into the hospital and after several test, your doctor tells you that you have a terminal disease. After a few weeks you are sicker than you have ever been so you have to go back into the hospital. With this admission, you have to throw away a sheet of paper containing one of the most important people, things or activities in your life. (pause for silence) As your condition worsens, your activities are limited so you must throw away another one of your slips. (pause for silence) One day, you feel better than you have in months for intact you are complete pain free. You notice that you are looking at a doctor examining your body and then turning to the nurse and saying, "He dead." and now you have to throw away the final sheet of paper. (pause for silence) Let's talk about what you felt as we discuss this exercise. (participants respond)
Let us now share with one another our feelings about the followin