GET A LIFE By Muyiwa Afolabi
Do you have your life? Please think about this question, do you really have your life? I've heard statements like ‘get a life’ on many occasions said to people who appear to be different and unconventional especially in matters of socializing. Many also think the whole concept of life and living is about fun, leisure and enjoyment. When an individual is having a great time, you hear remarks like he's enjoying life, when an individual is conservative and somewhat antisocial we conclude he doesn't have a life. Hmmm.
What is life? I believe life is a season or a duration when an individual is conscious, aware and involved in matters of this world. It is a period when an individual is expected to fulfil a purpose, serve a purpose, make something great happen, impact the world and influence things positively. I believe we all exist and are in this world to improve things and make better the condition of this earth. We are all here to make the world a better place; to create value, not destroy value, to make people happier, mankind better and humanity more purposeful. We are here to improve the world.
This, though being a collective purpose and objective for all mankind, as individuals our place, roles and assignments vary. That's why we are created and gifted differently. Our gifts and talents are indicators of our place, our projects and assignments in this world.
The ability to recognise your place, your gift, your sphere and your assignment makes you truly relevant in life. The ability to act on who you're created to be, what you're created for, perform your duties, achieve your aim and do your assignment well makes you successful in life. Having a life is knowing why you exist and doing that for which you exist effectively.
Sadly, many do not know anything about their own lives, they are too busy focusing on the world and life in general, they are so unconscious of their own personal lives. They are too busy studying, watching and getting entertained by other people's lives they are wasting theirs. They are too busy emulating other people's lives they are doing nothing with theirs, they are busy trying to catch up with other people's achievements they lack personal achievements of their own.
What they do is what they see others do, what they believe is what they think others believe, the way they speak, dress, their values and belief systems is an adaptation from the life of people they admire, respect or envy, they have no minds of their own, they have no lives of their own.
So I ask the question again, do you have your own life? Answering the question correctly is not from the top of your head. A valuable life comes about by a deliberate act to design one. You ought to be the architect of your life. You should sit down, pick up a pen and paper and design a life for yourself.
An undefined life is a life out of control. A life not designed can't lead anywhere, a life undefined cannot profit its owner or anyone for that matter.
When your life is not defined, you feel so out of control, you're most of the time confused about what to do and what not to do and you're most of the time seeking for counsel and advice because you lack that sense of purpose and direction.
When you're not clear on what your life is about you can't be happy, you will be afraid and insecure, you'd lack self-esteem and will be desperately seeking after the approval of others.
The people around you, your friends, colleagues, relatives and the media will keep making decisions for you and leading you on, in this your journey through life.
You will not feel free or independent, you will lack peace and be subjugated in life. You would always want to know what is reigning, what is trending, what are people doing now? How are they speaking now? How are they dressing now? Where are they going now? And you will be-devilled by the ‘I don't want to be left out’ syndrome. Always chasing, always wanting to catch up with other people's lives.
What is your own life about my dear friend? What are your personal dreams, vision and assignment? What are you here to do? What do you need? Who do you need? Where do you need to be? Where do you have to go?
Who is really in charge of your life today? Are you so afraid to live and of living you've given up your life for others to use for their advantage? Who controls you directly or indirectly?
Who is your master? Who masters your life? Who makes your decisions? Who is planning your life for you? Who tells you what to do and what not to do? Do you have a mind of your own, a life you do control? Hmmm.
Daddy says, mummy says, my friend says, my boyfriend says, everybody has something to say and they expect you to do what they say because you've given them the total control of your life. Listen my dear friend, if people truly love you they will respect your choices and decisions, they will know you are unique and designed differently from them and wont expect you to live your life like theirs.
But you must ensure the choices you stand for a not self-destructing but self-actualising. When you chose to stand for something, stand intelligently.
There is a differences between caring and manipulating. It's time to get your life back my friend. Let's do this this year. It's time to be happy, free and in charge of your own life, subject only to God and not the desire and will of any human being. Don't let that tricky emotion called love make you a slave to anyone, love yourself enough to deny your body of a longing that can bring about abuse and destruction consequently.
Let's do this now, please what do you want in your life? Forget what people have said you need or is good for you, this is your own decision; what exactly do you want and love and desire?
For example if you want to be a nurse go to a nursing school or go study nursing at the university, don't let anyone tell you it's better to be a doctor because they think it's more prestigious, if nursing is your passion and what you want to do, be a nurse!
If teaching is your passion, if you want to be a primary school teacher please go be a teacher. Don't let anyone persuade you to go do something you won't enjoy because of perceptions on reward.
Every profession can make you a millionaire if you're in your place and you do it well. As a primary school teacher you can eventually own the best and most respected primary school in Nigeria, it's about what makes you happy. If banking is your passion, no matter what people feel or say about banking, go be a good banker if that's what would make you happy. What do you want? Don't be ashamed of whom you're designed to be, make your calling and election sure and attractive, exciting and prestigious, ignore what others think especially if its malicious and condescending. Stop subjecting your life to popular postulations and opinions, most times the majority is the convenient not the correct.
Sit down today, design your life and stop living another person's life. Think deep, connect with the original you and don't be clouded by the very many voices telling you different from what your spirit is telling you.
For long I've always known I'm designed to be a teacher, teaching comes natural to me, I love it, I enjoy it, and I'm never tired of teaching. Now who I teach, what I teach and where I teach is a matter of choice and details but I'm a teacher and I'm very proud of my profession and I think I'm a successful teacher. To take charge of your life you must know who you are and what you want to do.
Secondly you must determine where you want to function. What do you want to influence, who you want to influence, who are your targets, what do you want to improve, where do you desire to add value, the people and situations you want to make better? You must choose where you want to manifest, you must know your sphere of influence and coordinate your efforts in that direction.
It could be a community, a state, a country, a continent or the whole world. Know who and where you're sent. In recognising who and where you're sent, you'll have a natural sensitivity towards such people or places. Matters affecting people or places like that would matter to you. You will care about the place and the people within the context of your passion and assignment.
Having defined this you must then know what you want from it, your expectations in terms of fulfilment and material reward. Our desires vary from person to person and what appeals to us differ.
Being rich is relative, for some people 10 million naira is their dream income and for some other person with ten million their dead broke. A man's dream could be to build his own home and another could be dreaming of owning estates in major cities around the world. A 5 million naira car someone may think is outrageous and another person may collect cars and the cheapest in his collection may cost as much as 18 to 20 million naira. The point I'm making is we all vary in our desires, expectations and dreams. A man may desire to become an MD of a conglomerate and another wants to run a small business or an NGO. One man may desire to live a very private life and another wants to be the president of the federation.
We are wired differently even in terms of desires and expected returns in life. What someone believes is in excess another believes is moderate. A man may think a private jet is an outrageous purchase and another is thinking of collecting private jets.
Where do you want to live? What do you want to eat? What cars do you want to drive? How well do you want to dress? How wide do you want to travel? What's your projected net worth by the end of the year?
It is your decision to make. Focus on your own dreams, desires and expectations. As no one has a right to question or judge what you want you also have no right to question or judge what another wants or expects. What excites me may not excite you and what delights me may not delight you. We can't all want the same things or have the same taste; should that be the case the world would be so boring. Variety is indeed the spice of life.
This year you need to set yourself free from floating in life, it's time to focus on your life and handle things the way you like. Stop competing, stop the envy, stop the rivalry, it's so distracting and unprofitable. Stop listening to people who keep setting you up for contests and competition with others – people with news about who's bought the latest car, built a new house, won a huge contract, travelled the world and got a new appointment. If such news get to you, disconnect from the informants and stay focused on what you want, what you like and what delights you. Never let anyone look down on you because what you love and want appears less prestigious than what they love and want. It's not about the cost, it's about what you like. Love yourself and be happy and satisfied with your life. That's how to be in control. Don't let any gossip or slanderer make you miserable, life is no competition, it's about personal goals and accomplishments. You're not in a race against anyone, you're in a race against time.
Personally I love to study, read and teach, I'm not so into sports, I'm more into music than sports. I love cars, German machines, I hate flying so I don't travel until it becomes really important. This is me and I'm happy with me, I'm sure you may not be like me in some ways, love you the way you are too, but whatever you do, take charge of your life and make good success with it, touch your world, create value, create happiness and bring solution always. Life is really beautiful, that's if you've got one. Do you have a life?
Enjoy your day.