1. FLC allows us to view the multiple entrances and exits that individuals make within the family of origin. It helps depict not only the changes in the structure of the family, but also insights into emotional transactions in the family status. Associate with FST and Satir’s mobile model, there must be changes and imbalance of homeostasis when a new system is formed. Those changes include changes in roles, which lead to rule changes, as well as changes in boundaries. According to SI, all those changes bring in individual meanings to couple relationships. Associate with the Circular Causality model, in order to balance the system, the loop has to be broken. That is why we must establish marital roles and marital boundaries. It is also important to manage our financial properties, and foster a healthy emotional climate. It is also challenge of blending culture and religion in marriage. Interracial marriage indicates partners are of different races while interfaith marriage indicates partners are from different religions. 2. 3. In the beginning of the movie, Katie mentioned a plastic spoon that the couple cared so much. She didn’t know when the spoon became just a spoon. We can tell that she cared so much about it not because of its physical value but the meaning and history behind it. The S.I theory tells us that the entire identity of a couple is based on meaning. And that’s what makes their relationship so distinct from others’. Every time when they see the spoon, it reminds their first anniversary, the sweet time when they shared food at the park. That is a symbolic meaning which distinct her family from others. 4. From the movie, the primary role of the wife is a responsible mom, and the primary role of the husband is a carefree dad. The spouse did not share the same meanings concerning their family roles. Every time when there was a conflict, the wife complained he never listened, and she had to do every single thing in the house. She has taken enough. The husband complained she always took him as a third child; there was no more interconnection between them. They did not share the same meaning concerning their roles. Words responsible and carefree meaning differently to them. When Katie was taking all the responsibilities of taking care children, and the family, Ben looked at it as a disconnection with him. And when he was trying to make interconnections, she thought he was carefree. 5. “Six people in bed” was a good example of IFT. They were talking and laughing about all the therapies that they had visited. It was like a turning point for their relationship; there were some interconnection between them. Then here came the voice from Katie’s parents saying that everything happened too fast. At the same time the voice from Ben’s parents saying that there was nothing wrong of going fast or saving this relationship. Then conflict happened again, they made everything worse. Marriage is never about a male plus a female, but a family of origin plus a family of origin. Those voices are their family of origins. The relational culture they created was transmitted from one generation to next. 6. There are 5 types of destructive conflict. When words we said does not line up with our nonverbal behavior, it is denial. In the movie, when the wife was saying “I’m fine!” she was actually upset about his husband. When a person attempts to cover up expressed emotion, it is called disqualification. In the movie, Katie got mad on their way to take children to the summer camp, because it was already late and everybody else was making fun of some house on their way. After she yelled at them, she tried to make fun of that house to cover her anger, but it did not work. When we take anger or frustration out on someone other than who we are mad at is called displacement. Towards the end of the movie, Ben almost yelled at his friends while they were having dinner at a nice restaurant, he was not mad with his friends, but his own marriage. When we choose silent treatment, act out anger through lack of interaction with each other is called disengaged. Throughout the movie, we see the couple fight with each other first, then Katie started to use the silent treatment; she completely ignored everything that Ben said to her. The other type of destructive conflict is pseudomutuality, appear close and as no conflict exists, yet anger always at the surface. In the movie, every time in front of the children the couple chose to cover up their anger, pretended that nothing had happened to their relationship. 7. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewall. Criticism is when we say “you…” instead of say “I…” in an argument. In the movie, whenever Ben said “You always pick up on little things!” and Katie said “You never listen!” That is criticism. Both of them became very defensive when they expect to be hurt. There was always criticism, defense, criticism, and defense. The cycle had become a habit to them, and the reason was they did not share the same meaning on many things. Once this criticism/defense pattern goes even deeper, and all you can think of your partner is negative, the relationship has reached to contempt phase. Overtime, mutual contempt spills into every area, eroding every aspect of the relationship. In the movie, there were times that all they did was fighting to each other and whatever they said or did was devalued to that other person. Everything went from discontent to all out hatred. 8. The first stage of relationship deterioration is when criticism and defense becomes a established pattern. According to CC model, it is hard to change unless the loop is broken. When a couple reaches this stage, they tend to be emotionally disconnected. Referring to FST and Olsen’s model, relational culture goes down, disclosure goes down, trust, respect, and intimacy also goes down. Then we will see de-escalation of intimacy in a relationship. Everything we think about our partner becomes negative, and hatred. We start to collect evidence but not ready to share with public yet. The relational culture and intimacy continue to decrease. When we get contempt and stonewall phase when we completely shut off communication and interaction, the relationship has emotionally done which can be way before the physical separation happens. All those push the couple goes on to dyadic phase and social phase. The system is imbalance, the meaning, role, rules start to change. And at the end, is the graving dressing, the relationship is completely done. In the movie, we saw the couple had gone the first couple of phases of relationship deterioration. Once the criticism and defense had become a pattern in their relationship, their disclosure to each other dropped, Ben moved out to a hotel. When he went back to the house to pick up his shirt, he rang the door bell instead of use his key. We can see there was a role change, and that led to a behavior change. Both of them tried the silent treatment, because they got tired of fighting with each other all the time. And Ben moved into an apartment which was a more permanent place than a hotel. However, that did not lead to the stonewall phase. They never completely shut off; they still talked to each other even though it was hard sometimes. 9. As the couple went through the process of relationship deterioration, their roles changed from a married couple to a separated couple. And it led to a behavior change. Katie got Ben’s shirts ready for him to pick up, but since they no longer live together she did not know where to put those shirts. They ended up on the stair handrail. Same to Ben, when he stood in front of their house, he wanted to open the door with his key just like he normally would do. But he paused and rang the doorbell, because his role changed. Roles changing always lead to rules changing. Katie used to be the responsible one and took care of everything. Now her role had changed, she did not have to take care of Ben like her third child any more. She no longer had that expectation of Ben to take all the responsibility. Their boundaries had changed. Overtime they were fighting to each other, mutual contempt spills into every area, and most likely ended up in bad. The boundaries between love, intimacy, stress, conflicts disappeared. And every single conflict affected their sexual life. During the process, the interconnection between had changed as well. They used to be busy all the time, but there were always some interconnections there to bond the family together as a whole. When they were fighting to each other all the time, Ben said that he did not want Katie to center him and paying all her attention to him, but a look, to let him know that they were still on the same side. And Katie also noticed that it had been a long time that they did not make an eye contact. “Yes, we are busy, but when we finally get time, we afraid there is nothing there when we look each other in the eye.” she said.

10. Hjkl