How Should I Live?

With each decision, we constantly ask ourselves, “Is this the right decision?” Sooner or later, we are all presented with the task to choose between what is right and what is easy. In one of my favorite novel series, Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore says to Harry, “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” (Rowling 1998, 219) This is true. Our decisions in life, our struggles, selections, and choices, are the bindings to our stories; ultimately holding together what makes us who we are, just as Dumbledore said.
How should we live our lives? It is not a question that can be simply stated in a few words. One word out of the posed question is the main subject- “live”. What does it mean to truly live and what is the best way to do it? I think it is a mixture of many things. However, out of many lifestyles that involve moral behavior, I think the life of an altruist is an extremely honorable one, and it is one by which I want to model my life. In order to do good, one must know evil. So, what is evil? What makes good people do bad things? According to Philip Zimbardo, “evil consists in intentionally behaving in ways that harm, abuse, demean, dehumanize, or destroy innocent others -- or using one’s authority and systemic power to encourage or permit others to do so on your behalf” (Zimbardo 2007, 5). Throughout history, we have seen multiple examples of evil acts; from the Rwandan Genocide to Abu Ghraib to the actions of a high school bully. When developing a plan for executing a lifestyle modeling that of an altruist, I am constantly brought back to a few examples of behavior that I need to avoid. One of my main priorities will be to avoid group behaviors and resist conforming to group norms. It has become apparent that most people, me included, are guilty of being judgmental of people who are different. Even more commonly, humans are inherently guilty of acting immorally when variables of a group are factored into the equation. Another goal for leading an altruistic lifestyle will be to avoid deindividuation. Although each person carries a unique personality, occasionally, it is lost when we become members of a group. Sometimes, when one joins a group, they take on the ideals and views of the group rather than keep their own values (Zimbardo 2007, 299). Being a part of a group raises anonymity, and thus increases the chances that a person will do something they would not normally do. Consider Halloween: Halloween is usually seen as a fun holiday where children can dress up and eat lots of candy. The chilling reality, however, is that aggression and violence is increased on Halloween. Why? Wearing a mask or makeup hides one’s identity. Once one has lost their identity, the world is their oyster- they can do anything because it is not really them committing the acts. In one study, it was shown that children were more likely to steal candy when in costume than when identifiable (Zimbardo 2007, 303). Another example is The Mardi Gras effect. Celebrating Mardi Gras usually means dressing up in outrageous costumes and partaking in excessive drinking, partying, and sexual acts. The Mardi Gras effect involves “temporarily giving up the traditional cognitive and moral constraints on personal behavior when a part of a group of like-minded revelers bent on having fun now without concern for subsequent consequences and liabilities,” (Zimbardo 2007, 307). I enjoy having fun, but there is a difference between having a good time and doing immoral things just because others around me are doing it. Unfortunately, this is one of the hardest things for me to avoid, especially being in college. College is supposed to be the time of one’s life. As seen in movies and television shows, college parties are wild and full of the acts one might see during Mardi Gras. I have fallen prey to deindividuation on more than one occasion. I, and many of my friends, have had too much to drink at parties. Looking back, one of the reasons why I did it is because it was so dark at the parties, I was sure nobody could tell that it was me. Dim lights created a kind of mask that allowed me to feel no guilt for doing what I knew was wrong. Another factor was that all of my friends were doing it as well. I was part of a group and I lost the part of me that would not normally act that way. People tend to form groups, conform to fit into the groups, and then look down upon anyone else who isn’t part of the group. “It allows people to feel connected as they join to scapegoat others. Devaluation of a subgroup helps to raise low self-esteem. Joining a group enables people to give up a burdensome self, adopt a new social identity, and gain a connection to other people.” (Staub 1998, 17). During the Holocaust, or the “systematic, bureaucratic, state-sponsored persecution and murder of approximately six million Jews by the Nazi regime and its collaborators,” there were two groups: the Nazi party and everyone else (The Holocaust, 2011). Six million Jews were killed, yes, but “another five million people were also killed: political opponents; mentally ill, retarded, and other “genetically inferior” Germans; Poles; and Russians. Gypsies, like Jews, were to be eliminated; more than 200,000 were killed, probably many more.” (Staub 1998, 9). This mass extermination started as nothing more than one group disliking the other. Members of the Nazi party were subject to group conformity, or changing their views or participating in events that contrast to normal behavior in order to be accepted in the group. Most of the Nazis, probably, would not go around killing other people without being told to do so. I am guilty of conforming to a group as well as devaluating those outside of the group. In high school, as cliche as it sounds, smoking was the cool thing to do. I knew I should not try it. I knew my parents would punish me if they found out and I knew it was bad for me. I also knew that if I did not do it, my peers would call me “lame” or “a prude”. I succumbed to peer pressure and took a puff of a cigarette. It was terrible, and I got in trouble when I came home reeking of cigarette smoke. Why on earth would I cause myself harm? The answer is simple, I did not want to be the one girl who said no. When I hear the word “evil”, violence is the first thing to come to my mind. Although committing acts such as those seen in the Holocaust or acts of genocide are evil, there is an evil about doing nothing as well. Avoiding the bystander effect is something I will strive to do in living my life. The bystander effect has cost the world hundreds upon thousands of lives just because people chose to do nothing. An aspect of the bystander effect that I, especially, have been guilty of perpetrating is having the mindset that “someone else will take care of it” or “my help will not help.” It seems that if an incident happens, people tend to think that someone else will help and that one might not be able to make a difference. Watching “Hotel Rwanda”, a movie about the Rwandan genocide in 1994, there was a moment in the movie where one of the reporters said to Paul Rusesabagina after Paul suggested that they use their film to tell the world about what was happening in Rwanda, the reporter replied, “I think people will see it and then go right back to eating their dinners.” There is something seriously wrong with that picture, and yet, I find myself doing it all the time. There are situations where I will always stop to help. I am first aid, CPR, AED, and lifeguard certified. It has become an instinct to stop when there is a car accident. If I see someone struggling in a pool, even when I am off duty, I will go in to help. But I can clearly remember a time where my mom and I were shopping at Old Navy and we saw a man tucking clothes into the shopping bag. He was shopping very quickly, and had a suspicious aura about him. But mom and I continued our shopping and we just whispered to each other about how strange he was acting. I even remember mom saying, “I bet he plans to steal those clothes.” We were leaving the store when he decided to run out of the store with a bag of clothes and hop into the trunk of his get-away car. Mom looked over to me and said, “Told you.” If we had just told the cashier or the manager, we could have stopped him. Instead, we decided to continue about our shopping pretending we didn’t see anything. If citizens in other countries decided to do something about the genocide in Rwanda, rather than just turn off the television and pretend it was not happening, thousands of lives could have been saved. In August of 2005, hurricane Katrina ripped apart New Orleans causing many lives to be destroyed. Different organizations, despite the warning of “impending disaster of the worst kind imaginable, city, state, and national authorities did not engage in the basic preparations needed for evacuation,” (Zimbardo 2007, 318). This lead to turmoil and despair for many citizens of New Orleans. Maybe people “did not have time to help”. I, however, say “make time.” Consider the car crash scenerio: If you are driving by and see a car accident, should you stop and help? What if there is a child in the back seat? What if the helper has their child in the back seat with a broken arm needing to go to the hospital? I do not think it is right to leave someone who has just experienced a car accident to be alone. What if they are hurt? What if they are in dire need? What if your car is the only car to go by for hours? Being a bystander is never the correct answer. My goal is to always help when I am able. An altruist would always stop, no matter what their situation may be. Although there are examples that I should not follow, such as those involving groups, there are just as many examples that I should use as an example in my life. In Harry Potter, after a character stood up to Harry to prevent him from getting into a dangerous situation, Professor Dumbledore awarded the Griffindor house points for bravery. Dumbledore said, "There are all kinds of courage. It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." (Rowling 231). It is hard to be the “whistle blower”, or the person that stands up and says, “No,” or “This is wrong.” It is especially hard when the person is part of the group in which you are included. Joe Darby, a “lowly Army Reserve specialist” is a hero on many levels (Zimbardo 2007, 476). The specialist witnessed the brutal events that took place in Abu Ghraib. Inside the prison, Darby witnessed multiple instances of dehumanization, deindividuation, and evil acts that caused the American military to be looked down upon. Darby knew what was happening inside the prison was horribly wrong, but he also knew that if he “tattled”, for lack of a better word, then he would be shunned by his comrades. He says, “I had the choice between what I knew was morally right and my loyalty to other soldiers. I couldn’t have it both ways,” (Zimbardo 2007, 476). Going against everyone he worked with in the prison, Joe Darby burned a copy of the CD with the gruesome photographs, typed an anonymous letter about them, and sent them to an agent at the Criminal Investigation Division. Unfortunately, they could not remain anonymous, and it was released that he was the one who sent the CD to the CID. Since the trials of his military comrades, Joe Darby and his wife have been shunned by friends and neighbors, their property has been vandalized, and they now reside in protective military custody at an undisclosed location. Darby did what was right, and I am ashamed to say I do not think I would have been strong enough to stand up against my friends the way he did. Many altruists say, “Anyone would have done it.” The shocking truth is, there are far less people who would give everything to save a life than there are who would watch one slip away. In Tolkien’s The Hobbit, Gandalf says, “True courage is not knowing when to take a life, but when to spare one.” (Tolkien 1973, 243). It is much easier to be a bystander than to be an altruist. Altruism requires great sacrifices that stretch past the realm of just donating money to an organization. Altruism, by definition, is the “uncalculated consideration of, regard for, or devotion to other’s interests...” (Oliner & Oliner 1988, 5). During the Holocaust, as mentioned before, millions of innocent people were murdered in mass quantities. While there are many examples of Altruistic acts during this time, one man was set apart in my mind, and in many other minds as well. Oskar Schindler, the man depicted in the award winning movie “Schindler’s List”, gave everything in order to save Jews from their doom in the concentration camps. At the start of the Holocaust, Schindler was an entrepreneur looking to invest in an enamelware and ammunitions factory. As a member of the Nazi party, he was initially motivated by profit and thus, he hired Jews to work in the factory since they were cheap workers. As the number of deaths increased, Schindler became more and more disgusted with the acts in which he participated. Inside his factory, his workers were treated with civility. The more Oskar witnessed, the more determined he was to save as many people as he could. He spent almost everything he had on buying Jews to work in his factory. He saved over 1,200 Jews from perishing in labor camps. Although I do not possess the means or capability to do the things Oskar Schindler risked his life to do, I have the ability to move much more along those lines than I currently am. I am adopted. My birth mother was extremely young and my birth father was not present during the pregnancy or my birth. My parents saved me from a life that may have inhibited my potential as a human being. They have given me everything I need to be able to do something meaningful with my life. Altruism requires one to help another, it brings no external reward, it involves a risk or sacrifice from the actor, and it is a voluntary action. None of those conditions are too much to ask. In order to change the world or do something good for it, at least, I think that living an altruistic lifestyle is the best option for what I would like to accomplish. One of my favorite quotes from Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring features Frodo, the ring bearer, and Gandalf, the wizard. Frodo learns about the deadly dark power of the Ring as he begins to undertake his mission, and he longs for a simpler time. Frodo says, “I wish it need not have happened in my time.” Gandalf replies, “So do I, and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to is decide what to do with the time that is given to us.”