Inhaltsverzeichnis

1 Introduction 1
2 Situation 1
3 Square of Communication 4
3.1 Implementation 4
3.2 Reflection and Conclusion 7
4 The Vicious Circle 8
4.1 Implementation 8
4.2 Reflection and Conclusion 9

Introduction
In this transfer paper the two models learned in the seminar
“Principles of Communication” will be applied to a real life situation. First, the situation will be is described, second the chosen models are implemented on the situation and a conclusion will be drawn. The square of communication and the model of the Vicious Circle will be applied in the following.

Situation
This spring I’ve been interning at a big German company for three months. During this internship my task was to analyze different parameters of all plants of this company, which are operating in the sector of my department. The results of this survey were to be presented to a group consisting of eight to ten managers including the head of the department, at the end of my internship. Due to shortcomings in organizational maters from the side of the company, I did not have any access to a computer for the first two weeks of my internship, making it impossible to actually work on my project. As this meant a loss of almost 20 % of my working time, I had to complete my project under time pressure. Knowing, that time will be a limiting factor, my supervisors’ days are literally packed with meetings and I might not get to speak to him if I wouldn’t arrange it ahead of time, I had already set up a couple of meetings shortly before the presentation. In those meetings, open issues and questions from my side were to be discussed.
Moreover my analysis required indepth knowledge of the companies’ policies. Therefore I was very dependent on regular meetings with my supervisor in order to make sure everything has been interpreted correctly.
Therefore, I had scheduled a meeting with my supervisor a couple of days before the actual presentation.

I was finalizing my presentation when I received an automatic email from the notes account of my supervisor, saying that my meeting has been canceled.
It wasn’t new to me by that time, that my supervisor cancelled or rescheduled meetings with me. I had never complained about this to him, as I knew that this is due to his high work load and engagement in the company. Normally however I would receive a short notice before he did so, asking if I would be ok if the meeting is rearranged. Even though it always stroke me as poor time management from his side, I kindly replied to those emails, saying that a shift of our meeting is ok with me. I knew it wasn’t meant to be rude from his side and I didn’t wanted to put any more pressure on him than he already was confronted with, and even though my topic was of very high importance for the company, I knew I was “just” an intern after all.
I was aware of the fact that in a company the daily business requires flexibility, and rearranging meetings is very common. Still, my supervisor deciding over my head that the meeting will be rescheduled seemed to be rude to me, especially considering the pressure I found myself under, due to the bad organization of the company at the start of my internship and the fact that my presentation would be held in front of managers.
About an hour after I had received the cancellation notice, my supervisor, to whom I will refer to as “Felix” in the following, came to my desk and the following conversation took place:
Conversation 1:
Felix: Did you get my cancellation notice? Me: Yes, I got your notice. Felix: I had to shift the meeting as Dirk* wanted to see me. I hope that’s OK with you?
Me: Yes, that’s ok. Still, it’s very important to me, that we have this meeting soon.
Felix: Look, Dirk needs to see me and I cannot make the meeting with you.
Me: It’s just important for me, that we don’t have a huge delay for this meeting. My presentation is in three days and I need to check a couple of things with you. I would prefer if we could meet today.
Felix: Well, I will meet Dirk now. We can discuss this later *Dirk is the head of the department and the boss of me and my supervisor

The meeting was finally arranged in the afternoon. Even though I realized that the conversation we had this day was somehow strange, I couldn’t really figure out why until we had the feedback conversation at the end of my internship. There my supervisor criticized my behavior that day.
Conversation 2
Felix: When I reschedule a meeting, I do it because I need to. Dirk wanted to see me that day and had to cancel the meeting with you. You might even have realized that I told you more firmly that the meeting will not take place when you started questioning my decision.
Me: I was aware that the rescheduling of the meeting was not open to discussion when you came to me that day. However, the meeting was very important to me, therefore I asked you to give me an appointment in due course, still accepting that the original appointment was canceled.
Especially after the feedback with my mentor it became obvious to me, that we had some communication issues. Not only did I not realize that day, that he firmly tried to set borders, neither did I know that he thought I didn’t want him to shift the meeting, even though I was only looking for an alternative date in due course. I will analyze the situation referring to the Square of Communication in the following. Within the analysis I will only refer to the main conversation, and not the feedback round.

Square of Communication
The Square of communication analyses an interpersonal conversation from four different perspectives, the objective content, the self-disclosure, the relationship and the appeal of the things which were said during the conversation. Within a conversation one person always functions as the transmitter and the other one as the receiver of information. As Felix and I altered as transmitters and receivers I drew the square of commination from my and from Felix’s point of view.
Implementation
Me being the transmitter, I tried to point out, that the meeting is extremely important for me and that I want a new date for the meeting as soon as possible. After accepting his numeral rearrangements and cancellations of meetings I felt enabled to claim a meeting. Especially since my presentation was about to come up and without his feedback the content of it might just have been completely wrong. This caused distress for me as I knew I had to present my findings in front of the whole management of the department, which of course was able to detect deficiencies of my interpretations as well. Me as the Sender of Information * I realized that the meeting is canceled * I want a meeting with you * I need a meeting with you soon

* I realized that the meeting is canceled * I want a meeting with you * I need a meeting with you soon

Objective Content

Relationship

Self-Disclosure

Appeal

Objective Content

Relationship

Self-Disclosure

Appeal

* I have the right to claim a meeting with you * I want you to arrange a meeting with me in due course * I need your help * I have important things to discuss with you * I feel left alone * I don’t feel taken seriously * I have the right to claim a meeting with you * I want you to arrange a meeting with me in due course * I need your help * I have important things to discuss with you * I feel left alone * I don’t feel taken seriously * Have a meeting with me soon * Don’t reschedule a meeting without consulting me * Treat me like an equal * Have a meeting with me soon * Don’t reschedule a meeting without consulting me * Treat me like an equal * You have the responsibility to help me * You are unreliable * You are badly organized * You don’t take me and our meeting serious enough * It’s your job to help and support me * You have the responsibility to help me * You are unreliable * You are badly organized * You don’t take me and our meeting serious enough * It’s your job to help and support me | Figure 3.1: Square of Communication from my point of view |

Felix on the other hand has a different perception of the situation. He feels that I don’t understand the importance of his meeting with Dirk and that it is beyond my position to ask him not to shift it. Additionally, he feels criticized by me and therefore tries to make a point about being my boss. Felix as the Sender of Information * The meeting is canceled * I have an important meeting with my boss Dirk * It is more important to keep the appointment with Dirk

* The meeting is canceled * I have an important meeting with my boss Dirk * It is more important to keep the appointment with Dirk

Objective Content

Relationship

Self-Disclosure

Appeal

Objective Content

Relationship

Self-Disclosure

Appeal

* Stop criticizing me * Accept that I can give you instructions as your supervisor * Accept that I’m your Boss! * Realize that daily business is important! * Stop criticizing me * Accept that I can give you instructions as your supervisor * Accept that I’m your Boss! * Realize that daily business is important! * I am under a lot of pressure * I am your boss * I have the right to choose the meeting with Dirk over the meeting with you * I have the right to cancel a meeting without consulting you * I am under a lot of pressure * I am your boss * I have the right to choose the meeting with Dirk over the meeting with you * I have the right to cancel a meeting without consulting you

* You have to accept my decision * You don’t have the right to give me a hard time because of my decision * You need to realize that daily business is most important

* You have to accept my decision * You don’t have the right to give me a hard time because of my decision * You need to realize that daily business is most important | Figure 3.2: Square of Communication from Felixs’ point of view |

It could be said, that Felix and I are speaking with a different mouth and hearing with different ears. Even though we have the same mother tongue and cultural background, our way of expressing ourselves are very different. In the following the Situation will be reflected and a conclusion will be drawn.

Reflection and Conclusion
If only the factual information is taken into account a third person might see immediately that Felix and I have been talking on cross purposes. Even though I never explicitly stated that I don’t want him to shift the meeting Felix apparently inferred this information. I on the other hand, interpreted that the meeting is canceled without substitute and he thinks that our meeting is superfluous, which as well has never explicitly been stated by Felix. Moreover Felix has a wholly different perception of the relationship between an intern and his supervisor then I do. Despite the fact, that I was an intern, I wanted to be treated as an equal, whereas Felix had a more hierarchical model in mind.

The misunderstanding in this conversation was a typical one between me and Felix during the internship. This is due to the fact that I prefer to state me not being happy about a situation in a rather direct way. Felix finds this not appropriate and inpolite.
Unrelated to whether I or Felix was the sender of information, the received information apparently differed substantially from the transmitted information. This is due to implicit information which has never been said directly but still is inferred by the receiver.
A solution for situations like the above described, would have been an open conversation. In this conversation everybody would have had to state his problems. From my side this would have meant pointing out, that the unreliability of my supervisor when it comes to meetings is a problem for me in general, especially if meetings are canceled without consultation of me up-front. Moreover that I would like to have more support and would like Felix to be a more reliable supervisor, which is only reasonable considering my dependency on him.

For my supervisor Felix on the other side, my ability to subordinate was not strong enough and he generally felt that my way of expressing discontent was to harsh and even inpolite.
T most important thing during this conversation would be however, that I and Felix keep in mind how differently we express criticism. Therefore I need to learn how to use less strong words for criticism, whereas Felix would have to state it more explicitly. Additionally, Felix should try to use criticism constructive and not to see it as a personal attack whereas I had to accept the hierarchy of the company more and not to demand things which are regarded to be beyond my competence.

The Vicious Circle
Implementation
The situation described in section 2 can also be examined with the circular movement of inter-personal interactions: the vicious circle. Looking at conversation 1 the reason why me and my supervisor couldn’t really get anywhere with our conversation might not be too obvious. Of course, this is due to a problem which started way earlier. The organizational problems which led to my bad start during my internship have already been criticized by me at a very early stage. As it was really important to me, that those problems would not occur in the future, I made a very clear point about how disappointing and discouraging this experience had been for me. For my Supervisor however, this was too much of criticism. He felt badly treated and not respected by me as my boss. I on the other hand thought that my concerns were absolutely dismissed and therefore tried to point out problems even more. And so the vicious circle went on and on. This is also illustrated in Figure 4.1. Authoritarian
Cold
Not up for discussion
Trying to make a clear point about the meeting,
State criticism strongly not accepted as supervisor, humiliated, personally attacked not taken seriously, disappointed, discouraged, left alone, not respected
Me
Felix
Authoritarian
Cold
Not up for discussion
Trying to make a clear point about the meeting,
State criticism strongly not accepted as supervisor, humiliated, personally attacked not taken seriously, disappointed, discouraged, left alone, not respected
Me
Felix
In return feels
In return feels
In response behaves
In response behaves
In return feels
In return feels
In response behaves
In response behaves | Figure 4.1: Vicious Circle |
Reflection and Conclusion
Felix does not feel accepted by me as superior, whereas I feel Felix needs to take me more seriously. When I demand another meeting from Felix he feels the need to define the relationship with him as the supervisor and therefore points out to me that the meeting is canceled and there is will be no discussion about this.
I on the other Hand felt that, due to my high dependence on him, he has the responsibility to check my findings and therefore is more in a mentoring position. Even though I accept that meetings have to be shifted I think that he should make more time for me especially when my presentation is just around the corner.
In order to break the vicious circle an open talk would have been necessary. In this Felix would have had to tell me that he doesn’t feel respected and accepted by me as my supervisor, whereas I would have had to state my feeling of not being taken seriously. Felix would have to realize that presenting in front of a whole management group for the first time is a challenging venture for me and therefore a supervisor who is reliable and makes time for me is important for me. He on the other side is under pressure as well as he has to meet with his supervisor, which I in turn had to realize.
Also the problems when it came to the understanding of the hierarchy between us would have to be discussed. For me a very clear definition would have been helpful. His way of giving me instructions never gave me the idea that he likes to see himself in a more distant position as my boss. Me being quite forward when it came to criticism, further gave him the impression that there is a lack of respect from my side, even though I never meant to undermine his authority. Still we had a different point of view when it came to the definition of our relationship. A very important point however while having this conversation would have been to always keep in mind that Felix has a different way of stating criticism than I do. Therefore I would have had to be aware of his sensibility when it comes to criticism and he would have had to be aware of the fact that I simply didn’t realize that he criticizes me if he does it in a very implicit way.
Back then however, breaking the vicious circle was impossible for us, as neither of us actually realized that we are in one. Drawing this conclusion in retrospective is only possible as I now have a more impartial and objective view on things than I had back then, when all I knew was that Felix is not exactly what I would describe as a good boss. Additionally, the feedback-round gave me a better understanding of the situation. Moreover, I couldn’t really realize that- just like me- he didn’t act like he did on purpose but just had another way of communicating.
An important thing, which leaded me to realize this, was when I learned during the seminar that we always consider our self to be perfectly normal and that the other person isn’t doing it the right way. This was definitely the case with me. I just couldn’t accept and handle how Felix was communicating with me. As direct talking about issues always was my way of dealing with them, I felt his way was hypocrite and useless. Hopefully however, I will realize that I’m in a vicious circle or about to get into one the next time, and my newly acquired knowledge will help me to do so.