THE CONFLICT BETWEEN TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME 2
Abstract
There were three roommates in college by the names of Tall, Dark, and Handsome. They came from a same small town place in Hereford, Maryland. The three came to Salisbury University to play football. They ran into a conflict with one another that has put a damper on their friendship. Using the four steps to achieving successful negotiation as guidelines come from Getting to Yes, by Fisher, Ury, and Patton, they were able to analyze their situation and come up with a successful solution to their problem. Tall was a little bit older than Dark and Handsome; he was the best friend of Darks older brother. Tall is five years older than Dark and four years older than Handsome. He has taken a different path than the other two because he attended four other universities before coming to Salisbury. It was not that Tall could not handle the other universities, but rather he was a very highlight recruited football player coming out of the state of Maryland and chose to go to WestPoint/ The United States Military Academy to play football. During Talls’ football career at WestPoint he severely injured his knee. With commitment to the military, school, and football Tall decided that WestPoint was no longer the right path for him and chose to transfer schools. Tall then went to a local college back home by the name of Towson University where he was awarded another scholarship to play football. There Tall was doing very well up to a certain point. A week before the first game, Tall tore his ACL and thought about not ever playing football again. Tall sat out that football season and went to school, while contemplating getting surgery so that he could compete in football once again. After doing one semester at Towson, Tall realized he wanted to play football again, so he searched for schools where he could
THE CONFLICT BETWEEN TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME 3 potentially play for. Tall came across a junior college by the name of ASA who offered him an athletic scholarship to play football. Tall got surgery that December and attended ASA in January. There, Tall ran into a road block in his comeback: his knee was not healing up like the doctors expected. Tall had to sit out once again, went to school, and got his Associates degree in accounting while helping out the football team to keep his scholarship. Tall graduated in a year with his Associates in accounting but still he was determined to play football once again. So, Tall rehabbed himself to get back into shape to compete in football again and chose to go to school with Dark and Handsome who were planning to attend Salisbury in the fall of 2012 to get a degree in marketing and play football.
Dark is the youngest of the three friends and is a freshman at Salisbury. When Dark first decided he wanted to attend Salisbury University, he initially wanted to live in a dorm because he would have had more of an opportunity to meet new friends and had no idea that Tall and Handsome were going to be attending Salisbury University at the time. Once Dark figured out that Tall and Handsome were going to be attending college with him, he had an idea that they all should room together because it would be cheaper and they could form a bond like no other through friendship and football. Although Tall, Dark and Handsome already have strong relationships with each other they have never lived together, Thinking this opportunity would make their bond that much stronger. Tall and Handsome loved the idea about living together but had concerns about Dark. They were scared that Dark would not be able to get the full experience of college if he did not live in the dorms. Since Tall and Handsome are both older, they know about what being a college freshman is all about. They both tried convincing Dark to live in a dorm instead of living with them the first year, but Dark instead on living with them.
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Dark is the type of person who has very strong personality; once he has his mind set on something there is no changing it.
Handsome is the middle child in the friendship. Handsome was a late addition to the friend circle. While Tall and Dark have been like family for essentially their whole life, Handsome was introduced to Dark by Tall, who knew him through football. Handsome and Dark are closer in age to each other than to tall so it was an instant connection between the two. At the time, handsome did not attend the same high school that Tall graduated from and Dark currently attended, so after convincing his mother and the school board to let him transfer schools he became a Hereford Bull football player for his senior year. That summer before his senior year, Dark and handsome became very close. They pretty much did everything together, including running, lifting and partying. Handsome was very different from Dark. He was the one who needed a lot of guidance, but not the type of guidance as far discipline. Handsome just was a very forgetful person and had no time management skills. Dark played the role of his mentor, because he just needed a little help with things. With Dark having a strong personality, and Handsome having a great outgoing personality, it was a perfect one two punch. Dark and Handsome were able to help each other out in areas the other lacked. It was a bro-mance between the two. After Handsomes’ one year at Hereford High, he received a football scholarship to Fairmont State in West Virginia. There, Handsome played football his freshman season and decided that Fairmont was not the place for him. Handsome then came home for the spring semester while he tried to find a school that would fit him both socially and athletically. Handsome was introduced to Salisbury University by Dark who was planning on attending.
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Handsome fell in love with the school and everything it represented. Handsome made his mind up and chose to attend Salisbury where he would be rooming with Dark and Tall. With all of the friends having such different personalities, they had times were they got along great, and times where they did not get along as well. Tall, Dark, and Handsome had one particular incident where they all could not agree on a mutual understanding. It is common for people to argue when first living together and the case of Tall, Dark and Handsome, the matter at hand was chores. Tall, who is the oldest and also went to a military school likes to be clean. He would always just pick up things around the house or clean up when things started to get dirty. Tall never mind doing this because that is part of his personality. Tall said he did make messes here and there and did not clean them up but it was not often that he did this. Dark, which has the strongest personality, made it seem like he was always right and everyone else was wrong. Dark tried to take the matters into his own hand and created a chores list, which created even more drama. Tall and Handsome thought that they were getting the short end of the stick when it came to who cleans what. Tall thought that since he did the most of the cleaning already he should not have to begin with the worst chore, which was cleaning the bathroom. Handsome thought it was not fair that Dark got easiest job because he made the list. It was a huge mess in the household and no one could come to an agreement. Handsome, who is the dirtiest one in the house, had no reason to complain because Tall always picked up after him. Although handsome would not admit it, Tall and Dark knew what was going on in the house. They both tried to bring the issue up but Handsome did not agree. Dark is the type who cleans up one time and thinks that he does

THE CONFLICT BETWEEN TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME 6 not have to do anymore because he was the youngest, and does not make huge messes. What Dark did not get, was that Tall and Handsome cleaned up after him sometimes as well, Tall and Handsome felt like Dark thought he could take the easy way out of things and do the minimum, and then complain about others not doing their part. Tall, who was kind of the quiet one, got annoyed with of the situation and took it out on the youngest, Dark. Dark did not take that very well so, he lashed out at Tall through text message, and said inappropriate things to Tall, who has been like a brother to him his whole life. Dark is young, and Tall knew that, but the things he said did not pertain to the situation and Tall and Handsome both took that as a sign of disrespect. Tall decided that he wanted to have a talk with Dark when he came home. Dark, took everything to heart and choose not to talk to Tall right away. Tall and handsome asked themselves where it goes from here then: Do they make this into a big issue and rough up Dark, or do they wait on Dark to come around to his senses.
Tall, Dark and Handsome went to a third party mutual friend to maybe help them come up with a solution to their problem. They explained to their mutual friend their issues and wanted him to guide them to a solution to their problem. The mutual friend heard what each roommate had to say about the situation. He took notes on what each person said so that he could clearly understand each friend’s point of view. He then sat them down in a mutual area and explained to them that from his point of view that their situation was a misunderstanding and it could have been avoided if the friends would have approached the situation differently. He told them to get the book Getting to yes written by Roger fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton. The book explains the four steps to achieving successful negotiation. The first is to: separate the people from the problem, the second step focuses on interest not positions. Step three explains interest
THE CONFLICT BETWEEN TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME 7 options for mutual gain, and step four insists on using objective criteria (Fisher, Ury, and Patton, 1991, pp.6-95).
Separate the People from the Problem In separating the people from the problem, it needs to be understood that it is dealing with emotions, perception and communications, which are the keys to the process of negotiation. In Tall, Dark and Handsomes’ conflict, emotions played a key role in why they could not come to a conclusion. They all had the feeling that they were being taken advantage of and were not willing to listen to each other’s point of view. If Tall, Dark, and Handsome were able to sit down and express themselves one by one, this conflict may have been avoided. The perceptions of the three parties were all different. Tall thought that Dark was very lazy and wanted to take the easy way out of everything, and Handsome, was very inconsiderate because he constantly did the same inconsiderate things over again and would not change, despite multiple confrontations about his messiness. Dark considered that Tall thought he knew it all just because he was older and never had to listen to other peoples’ ideas or thoughts. Dark also thought that Handsome was a traitor because he sided with Tall on a lot of issues. Handsomes’ perception of Tall was similar to Darks perception of Tall, which was Tall thought he knew it all because he was older. Handsomes’ perception of Dark was that he did not know how to communicate well enough to the group to understand what he was trying to do with the chores list. Their perception of one another was based off of not effectively communicating with each other. Communication was not smooth at all between the three friends, which also caused them not to come up with a solution to their problem. If they were able to express themselves to one another without any
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Interruptions and approached their misunderstandings with an open mind, they would have been able to get rid of the problem before it became an issue.
Focus on Interests, not positions The focus on interests, not positions section, awarding to Getting to Yes, is based on focusing on the topic or issue, and not your own personal preference. “The basic problem in a negotiation action lies not in conflicting positions but in the conflict between each side’s needs, desires and concerns and fears” (Fogg, 1985, p. 333). In the case of Tall, Dark, and Handsome, each of them took their own positions, not a common interest that would solve the problems they were having with one another. If Tall, Dark, and Handsome were able to get to the root of the conflict, they would have seen that their biggest problem was that they went off topic in their arguments because they all made up their mind that they were right about one another and did not take the time to look at the situation holistically and come up with a common interest. Being able to sit down and talk about shared, compatible, and conflicting interests between one another would allow a person to be able to relate to one another and would create an understanding of what each person is saying and what point they want to prove. Shared interest allows for a start to the process of agreeing so that common ground can be met. Sharing compatible interests will allow for the opportunity to bring up points that each person can understand to come up with an agreement in spite of their differences. Lastly, being able to share conflicting interest with each person involved in the conflict will facilitate the process of getting everything out in the open so that each person knows everyone’s opinion. If this cannot be done, ultimately the situation will end up back in the same conflicting position it was in before. The reason for this is because
THE CONFLICT BETWEEN TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME 9 issues get built up inside and once another issue comes’ up, this person will be quicker to pull the trigger and start another conflict. Getting it out all at once will reduce the chances of this, or get rid of it entirely.
Invent Options for Mutual Gain The process of creating options for mutual gain deals with things such as brainstorming. Brainstorming is a great idea when a new idea needs to be found. It is even better when this can be done as a group brainstorm because it allows for many ideas to be presented. In the case of Tall, Dark and Handsome, they could not have used this right way because Dark was afraid to address the issue in person. Later, when they met with the third party they could have sat down and did a brainstorming exercise so that each person could put their ideas out on paper to show what each other thought about the situation and how they can prevent this conflict from happening again. While brainstorming, the conflict could be taken from general to specific, which will allow for a deeper understanding of the conflict. While they are doing this, Tall, Dark, and Handsome will see that they have some of the same ideas, and therefore the same goals, but did not know how to express those ideas without feeling like one would be gaining an advantage over one another. “Effective mutual gains negotiation requires that the parties gain a clear understanding of each other’s interests (needs, hopes, fears, what is of importance, what I value), behind the positions (my unique solutions to issues) they have taken” (Alberta Urban Municipalities Association [AUMA], n.d.). Understanding the purpose of what effective mutual gain will help Tall, Dark, and Handsome come to a great solution to the problem that they are experiencing with one another.
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Insist on Using Objective Criteria Using objective criteria will help move one away from the personal views and start thinking about all possible solutions to the conflict. The goal of the three roommates is to come up with a mutual solution to their conflict. This can be achieved in the fourth step because it will shift Tall, Dark, and Handsome away from each of their personal conflicts with one another to actually talking about the conflict which, is coming up with a solution for cleaning the house. Tall, Dark and Handsome will all have to agree to come up with fair standards that will benefit everyone and not just one, or even two of them. After that, the situation can be outlined and attempts at coming up with a possible solution can be made. Godin (2005) says, “An understanding of the applicable objective criteria protects you from being taken advantage of by the other side in any procurement or other negotiation”. This is the key to Tall, Dark, and Handsomes’ conflict, because they all feel like they will get taken advantage of if they agree on just any solution to their conflict and not one that fits them. Understanding what Godin says will help them further understand that using objective criteria will help eliminate those negative thoughts they may have in coming up with a solution.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Tall, Dark, and Handsome did come up with a joint effort solution to their problem. This solution was they were going to eliminate the idea of a cleaning chart and take responsibility for their own messes so that no one will have to do it for them. What helped them come up with their solution was the four steps Golden explained, which are separating the people

THE CONFLICT BETWEEN TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME 11 from the problem, focusing on interest not positions, inventing options for mutual gain, and lastly, Insisting on using objective criteria.

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References
Alberta Urban Municipalities Association (n.d.). Mutual Gains Negotiation. AUMA. Retrieved February 28, 2013, from http://www.auma.ca/live/AUMA/Toolkits+%26+Initiatives/Rural-Urban+Cost+Sharing+Toolkit/Negotiation/Mutual_Gains_Negotiation
Fisher, R., Ury, W., & Patton, B. (1991). Getting to yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. New York, N.Y: Penguin Books.
Fogg, R. W. (1985, June). Dealing with Conflict: A Repertoire of Creative, Peaceful Approaches. The Journal of Conflict Resolution. Retrieved March 1, 2013,
Godin, P. D. (2005, September 2). Stitt Feld Handy Group, Blog Archive, Using objective criteria to negotiate better agreements. Alternative Dispute Resolution | Dispute Resolution Courses | Mediation Workshop | Conflict Management Training :. Retrieved February 28, 2013, from http://www.sfhgroup.com/blogs/news_and_articles/2005/09/02/using-objective-criteria-to-negotiate-better-agreements/