A leader takes many roles and must deal with people effectively to succeed. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People was first published in 1936 in post-depression era but his insights on how to use social skills to improve human relations can still be applied present day. He presents techniques for approaching people that are simple, yet can prove to be powerful in improving relationships. The book is broken down into four main parts: “1) Fundamental Techniques in Handling People, 2) Ways to Make People Like You, 3) How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking and 4) Being a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment” (Carnegie, 1936). Leaders in every arena will benefit from the advice given in this book. Great leaders know how to deal with people to be successful, yet it is probably the biggest problem they face. In part one, Carnegie gives some techniques for handling people in a way that will make both people come out of a difficult situation without hard feelings towards each other. Carnegie gives the example of criminals, such as Al Capone and “Two Gun” Crowley who don’t blame themselves for any wrong doing and says that if these criminals think this way, how about normal people we come into contact with? He says “ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be”. (p.5) So the first technique a leader should apply is to not criticize people, it will only make the person defensive and strive to justify himself and is “dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment” (p.5). Instead he says to give people “honest and sincere appreciation” (p.31). He makes the comparison that you would be committing a crime if you didn’t feed your children for a week, yet some people go weeks, months or more without giving their children appreciation for things they’ve accomplished to
Leadership Book Review 3
“feed” their self-esteem. Leaders who use this advice will have employees who feel valued and happy in the work place. In the second part of the book, Carnegie gives some advice on how to make people like you and these simple techniques will work wonders for improving your relationships amongst those you lead. One is to become genuinely interested in other people because people love to talk about themselves. Carnegie gives the example of when Theodore Roosevelt was expecting a visitor, he would stay up the night before reading up on whatever subject that his quest was interested in because “great leaders know that the royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most” (p. 94). Not only being interested in the person but being a good listener and encouraging people to talk about themselves and their accomplishments will make people like you. People will think you are a great conversationalist, even if all you really do is listen to them because people are more interested in themselves and their problems than they are in you and your problems. A few other techniques he mentions in this chapter are just to smile and use and remember the other person’s name. These things are welcoming and make people feel important.
Leaders who wish to get people to think like them will want to avoid arguments because “you can’t win an argument because if you lose it, you lose it: and if you win it, you lost it”. (p. 117) Both people usually come out of the argument more convinced that he is absolutely right or if you happen to triumph over the over person, you will feel fine, but your opponent will feel inferior and you will have hurt his pride and he will resent you for it, which is no way to win a person over. Telling a person they are wrong will never get them to agree with you, it is a direct
Leadership Book Review 4 hit to their intelligence and you will hurt their feelings. If you know for a fact that the other person is wrong, you could say something instead like “I may be wrong, let’s examine the facts” and this will give the person the chance to look at the situation differently and not put them on the defensive. The person may be completely wrong but they don’t think they are, so another piece of advice is to try to see things from the other person’s point of view. A leader should ask questions to himself like, “How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?” (p. 170). You will become a more tolerant person if you try to understand others instead of arguing with them. And if a leader knows he is wrong, he should be the first to admit it.
In the last part of the book, Carnegie gives advice specifically on how to be a leader and change people’s attitude and behavior without causing resentment. He gives a lot of suggestions in these chapters but I want to highlight some of the ones that may be most beneficial for a leader. He says that most people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and then tell the other person what they did wrong. He suggests simply changing the “but” to “and” to make the person feel better because without “but” there is no follow up to a suggestion of failure. Parents, for example, may usually say this to their kids, “We are really proud of you for raising your grades this semester, but if you had worked harder, the results would have been better”. Instead, they could say, “We are really proud of you for raising your grades this semester and by continuing to study hard next semester, you will do even better”. By changing just one word can make the meaning it conveys a little different and not so much negativity. Another thing Carnegie points out is that no one likes to take orders, so leaders could give suggestions instead or ask questions. A principal, for example, may demand of his math teachers to raise test scores immediately. Another way he could approach that would be to call a
Leadership Book Review 5 meeting and ask questions about why math scores aren’t improving or give suggestions on how they can improve. The teachers will take that approach as a less direct attack on their teaching and won’t resent the principal for being so demanding. Reading this book has already had a huge impact on how I think about interacting with others. I wish I read this book 20 years ago, its advice is priceless. Just reading the title of the book, one may think the book is about how to manipulate people or change them, but it’s really about how to change your attitude towards people and in return the person’s behavior towards you will change for the better and improve your relationship. The advice seems like it would be common sense but in reality it’s not common practice for people and to be successful, you must practice using these techniques often. All of this knowledge will help me in my future as a principal to be an effective leader of teachers and I hope to encourage other teachers to read this book.

Leadership Book Review 6

References
Carnegie, D. (1936). How to Win Friends & Influence People. New York: Simon & Schuster,
Inc.