“Just as there is a Jewish way of life, there is a Jewish way of death.”
When a loved one dies, we feel sadness and grief. Every religion and/or culture has customs and practices when it comes to dealing with death and mourning of our loved ones. The Jewish people have several which will be discussed in detail. Russian Jews also follow the same customs with slight adjustments.
From the time of death until the burial, the deceased is never left alone as a sign of respect. This period of time is called aninut. A person (shomer) is chosen to watch over the body and recite Psalms until the burial service. “This person can not eat, drink, or perform a commandment in the presence of the dead. To do so would be considered mocking the dead, because the dead can no longer do these things.”
The eyes of the deceased are closed and the body is laid on the floor and covered. Before the funeral service, the body must be purified (tahara). The body is washed thoroughly of dirt, body fluids, and anything else that may be on the skin. The body is then dressed in a white cloth-like material called shrouds (takhrikhin). “All Jews are buried in the same type of garment, regardless of wealth, profession, or position in society as all are equal before God.” The color white represents purity and has been referred to as the national color of early Jews.
The Russian-American Jewish community which are mostly reformed Jews usually do not have anyone watching over the deceased. At the time of death, the funeral home is notified and the body is taken to the morgue. A purification ritual is not performed nor is the body covered in shrouds. Usually the deceased is dressed in formal dress attire.
Jewish law forbids the mutilating of the body; for this reason, autopsies are forbidden. Autopsies are only permitted if law enforcement requires it. Jewish law also forbids embalming the body as well. During the embalming process, the blood is drained from the body. The Jews believe very strongly in not desecrating the body in any way and because the blood is part of the body; it must not be removed.
Another custom that is forbidden in Jewish law is cremation. “A ban has been imposed upon cremation not only because of the biblical concept that the body must revert to its original state and be buried in the earth from which it came, but because cremation is considered an unnaturally speedy way of disposing of the body of a person who was once a beloved member of a family group.” Cremation is considered to be an offensive act of violence on the body.
“It is considered a matter of great shame and discourtesy to leave the deceased unburied – his soul has returned to God, but his body is left to linger in the land of the living.” The Jewish people can be buried with or without a coffin. If a coffin is used, it must be made of wood so that the body does not decompose before the coffin. The wood of choice usually used was pine because they decompose quicker than other words such as oak. The simplicity and modesty of the coffins represent that man was created equal and must be sent back to God on equal terms.
Open casket funerals are also forbidden in Jewish law. This is considered disrespectful to the deceased because it allows not only family and friends, but also enemies to view the dead.
Jewish law requires burials to take place with twenty-four hours of death. The only exception is when a close family member cannot attend the funeral within the twenty-four time frame. This postponement period is never more than three days.
Flowers are strongly discouraged from being sent to the funeral home. Flowers are a representation of death and are usually given to hospitals or other institutions where they would give joy to others.
The Russian-American Jews differ in some of the above mentioned traditions. These types of Jews usually hold open-casket wakes so that family and friends can view the body and say their finals farewells. In order for this to happen, the body must be embalmed, which is forbidden in Jewish law. Flowers are sent both to the funeral home and to the cemetery. The body is buried on the following day after the wake. The caskets that are mostly used will vary from pine, oak or mahogany. Before the funeral services begin, all immediate family must tear their shirts over the heart. “This ripping is a concrete expression of heartbreak. It allows mourners to physically express what words cannot – the depth of their anguish at this time.” For the parents of the deceased, the left side of the shirt is ripped because it is considered a greater loss. For other family members, the right side of the shirt is torn. It is very common to have a pinned-on piece of black ribbon provided by the funeral home, which is later torn. During the funeral services special prayers called Kaddish are recited. These prayers are also recited for eleven months by a parent and thirty days for other family members. At the graveside, more prayers are recited before the coffin is lowered into the ground. It is customary for family and friends to shovel dirt onto the coffin. The backside of the shovel is used to fill the grave to indicate a more difficult manner. This gives mourners a state of “finality and closure.” After leaving the cemetery, all attended mourners must wash their hands. The Jews believe that demons hover over the deceased, so you must purify yourself through washing. The next stage of mourning for Jews last seven days, this period begins upon returning from the cemetery and is called shivah. Shivah is observed by parents, children, spouses and siblings of the deceased. “It is customary to observe the shivah period at the home of the deceased so that the mourners are surrounded by the tangible remains of their loved one.” This phase starts with the first meal that is prepared by neighbors or other members of the community; this meal is called Meal of Condolence. The meal usually consists of bagels, rolls and hard boiled eggs. These foods are symbolic of eternal life; the cycle of birth and death. Meat or wine are not allowed to be served because they symbolize joy. A party-like atmosphere is not to develop. During the shivah period, mourners sit on low stool or the floor instead of chairs; this demonstrates “that the mourners have reached a low point in life.” They also do not wear leather shoes, do not shave or cut their hair, do not wear cosmetics, do not work, and do not do things for comfort or pleasure, such as bathe, have sex, put on fresh clothes or study the Torah.
Some other rituals of the shivah period include lighting a seven day candle and covering up mirrors in the home because it is not appropriate to be concerned with personal vanity.
Shivah ends after the first hour on the seventh day. Mourners sometimes walk around the block to symbolize their return to society and the real world.
The next stage of mourning is called shloshim; an extended thirty day period of mourning for the immediate family except parents who mourn for one full Hebrew year. During this next stage, mourners are allowed to return to work but must still refrain from social activities, shaving, getting a haircut and do not listen to music. Prayers and Kaddish are also recited throughout this period.
At the end of the thirty days, the mourning period ends for all except for those that mourn a parent. During this year of mourning, there are restrictions on attending occasions with large gatherings, especially where live music is played. Kaddish is recited for eleven of the twelve months.
After this period is complete, the family of the deceased is not permitted to continue formal mourning. Every year, an observance of the anniversary of the death is remembered and prayed for; this is known as Yahrzeit. A candle is lit which burns for twenty-four hours. During the high holy holidays, Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, the last day of Passover and Shavu’ot candles are lit and Kaddish is recited.
Jewish law requires that a tombstone be erected so that the deceased will not be forgotten. “Tombstones may be erected any time after the shivah period; most people choose to wait for one full year after the death when the mourning period for a parent is complete.” It is customary to keep the tombstone covered or to delay in putting it up, until the twelve month mourning period is over. There is usually an unveiling ceremony when the tombstone is revealed. At the gravesite, people place small stones on or around the tombstone to indicate that members of the family and friends have not forgotten the deceased.

Bibliography
“Bereavement in Judaism,” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bereavement_in_Judaism

Bigman, Rabbi Amy B., “Death and Mourning: Jewish Rituals” www.j-cinstitute.org/Articles/Bigman_Back_Jewish_Rituals.htm

“Death and Mourning in Judaism,” www.mishpacha.org/deathintro.shtml

Drazen, Rabbi Paul, “Jewish Death and Mourning Customs”, www.utah.edu/hillel/mourning.htm, 1986

“Judaism 101: Life, Death and Mourning,” www.jewfaq.org/death.htm

Kolatch, Alfred J., “The Jewish Book of Why,” Jonathan David Publishers, Inc., 1981

Lamm, Rabbi Maurice, “The Jewish Way of Death,” www.aish.com/literacy/lifecycle/The_Jewish_Way_of_Death.asp

Palatnik, Lori, “The Stages of Jewish Mourning,” www.aish.com/literacy/lifecycle/The_Stages_of_Jewish_Mourning.asp

Soudakoff, Sharon Ann, “Jewish Funeral and Mourning Customs”, www.jdcc.org/sepoct97/doc1.htm