The Complete Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition Ferengi are a species from StarTrek that was particularly highlighted in Deep Space 9. Their religion is commerce and their society is determined by profit.
The Ferengi believe that the universe is held together by the Great Material Continuum, also known as the Great River. The Ferengi believe that each part of the universe has too much of one thing, but not enough of another, and it is through the continual flow of the Great River that wants and needs can be fulfilled, if one navigates the River with sufficient entrepreneurial skill. By request, here are the complete Ferengi rules of acquisition. | * Check out the brand new StarTrek Game - Especially for StarTrek Fans!The Complete Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition1. Once you have their money, never give it back2. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to4. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough5. If you can't break a contract, bend it6. Never let family stand in the way of opportunity7. Always keep you ears open8. Keep count of your change9. Instinct plus opportunity equals profit10. A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one11. Latinum isn't the only thing that shines12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money14. Anything stolen is pure profit15. Acting stupid is often smart16. A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along17. A bargain usually isn't18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all19. Don't lie too soon after a promotion20. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat21. Never place friend ship before profit22. Wise men can hear profit in the wind23. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest24. Never ask when you can take25. Fear makes a good business partner26. The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it27. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down28. Morality is always defined by those in power29. When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying30. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss34. War is good for business35. Peace is good for business36. Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore37. You can always buy back a lost reputation38. Free advertising is cheap39. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers40. If you see profit on a journey, take it41. Money talks, but having a lots of it gets more attention42. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon44. Never argue with a loaded phaser45. Profit has limits. Loss has none46. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than you own48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife49. Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent50. Never bluff a Klingon51. Never admit a mistake if there's someone else to blame52. Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas53. Sell first; ask questions later54. Never buy anything you can't sell55. Always sell at the highest possible profit56. Pursue profit; women come later57. Good customers are almost as rare as Latinum - treasure them58. Friendship is seldom cheap59. Fee advice is never cheap60. Never use Latinum where your words will do61. Never buy what can be stolen62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit63. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine64. Don't talk shop; talk shopping65. Don't talk ship; talk shipping66. Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it67. Enough is never enough68. Compassion is no substitute for a profit69. You could afford your ship without your government - if it weren't for your government70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise71. Gamble and trade have two things in common: risk and Latinum72. Never let the competition know, what you're thinking73. Never trust advice from a dying Ferengi; listen but don't trust74. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies77. Go where no Ferengi has gone before; where there is no reputation there is profit78. Don't discriminate. The most unlikely species can create the best customers79. Benefit from the Vulcan greed for knowledge80. If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn't work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique81. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman82. A smart customer is not a good customer83. Revenge is profitless84. She can touch your ears but never your Latinum85. Death takes no bribes86. A wife is a luxury, a smart accountant a necessity87. Trust is the biggest liability of all88. When the boss comes to dinner, it never hurts to have the wife wear something89. Latinum lasts longer than lust90. Mine is better than ours91. He who drinks fast pays slow92. Never confuse wisdom with luck93. He's a fool who makes his doctor his heir94. Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship95. Important, more impotant, Latinum96. Faith moves mountains - of inventory97. If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don't tell it to a friend98. Profit is the better part of valor99. Never trust a wise man100. Everything that has no owner, needs one101. Never do something you can make someone do for you102. Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever103. Sleep can interfere with opportunity104. Money is never made. It is merely won or lost105. Wise men don't lie, they just bend the truth106. There is no honor in poverty107. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian Beetle Snuff108. A woman wearing clothes is like a man without profit109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack110. Only a fool passes up a business opportunity111. Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them112. Never sleep with the boss's wife unless you pay him first113. Never sleep with the boss's sister114. Small print lead to large risk115. Greed is eternal116. There's always a way out117. If the profit seems too good to be true, it usually is118. Never cheat a honest man offering a decent price119. Buy, sell, or get out of the way120. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum121. Everything is for sale, even friendship122. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer123. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer124. Friendship is temporary, profit is forever * Check out the brand new StarTrek Game - Especially for StarTrek Fans! 125. A lie isn't a lie until someone else knows the truth126. A lie isn't a lie, it's just the truth seen from a different point of view127. Gratitude can bring on generosity128. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races129. Never trust your customers130. Never trust a beneficiary131. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother132. The flimsier the produce, the higher the price133. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet ... sometimes good things come in small packages134. There's always a catch135. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it136. The sharp knife cuts quickly. Act without delay!137. Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father138. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder139. Wives serve; brother inherit140. The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more141. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fair play and financial loss go hand-in-hand142. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves143. The family of Fools is ancient144. There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket145. Always ask for the costs first146. If possible sell neither the sizzle nor the steak, but the Elphasian wheat germ147. New customers are like razor toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back148. Opportunity waits for no one149. Females and finances don't mix150. Make your shop easy to find151. Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much152. Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits153. You can't free a fish from water154. The difference between manure and Latinum is commerece155. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too156. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit157. You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look158. Don't pay until you have the goods159. The customer is always right ... until you have their cash160. Respect is good, Latinum is better161. Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life162. His money is only your's when he can't get it back163. A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn't164. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone elses165. Never allow one's culture's law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit166. Never give away for free what can be sold167. If a deal is fairly and lawfully made, then seeking revenge especially unprofitable revenge, is illegal168. Beware of relatives bearing gifts169. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable170. Never gamble with an empath171. Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi get the Latinum172. If you can sell it, don't hsitate to steal it173. A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer's pocket174. Share and perish175. When everything fails - run176. Ferengi's don't give promotional gifts!177. Know your enemies ... but do business with them always178. The world is a stage - don't forget to demand admission179. Whenever you think that things can't get worse, the FCA will be knocking on you door180. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do181. Even dishonesty can't tarnish the glow of Latinum182. Whenever you're being asked if you are god, the right answer is YES183. Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine184. There are three things you must not talk to aliens: sex, religion and taxes185. If you want to ruin yourself there are three known ways: Gambling is the fastest, women are the sweetest, and banks are the most reliable way186. There are two things that will catch up with you for sure: death and taxes187. If your dancing partner wants to lead at all costs, let her have her own way and ask another one to dance188. Never bet on a race you haven't fixed189. Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing190. Drive your business or it will drive you191. Let other keep their reputation. You keep their money192. If the flushing isn't strong enough, use your brain and try the brush193. Klingon women don't dance tango194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door195. Wounds heal, but debt is forever196. Only give money to people you know you can steal from197. Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives198. Employees are the rungs on your ladder to success - don't hesitate to step on them199. The secret of one person is another person's opportunity200. A madman with Latinum means profit without return201. The justification for profit is profit202. a) A friend in need is a customer in the makingb) A friend in need means three times the profit203. A Ferengi in need, will never do anything for free204. When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business opportunity, it's time to leave town until he's gone205. When the customer dies, the money stops a-comin'206. Fighting with Klingons is like gambling with Cardassians - it's good to have a friend around when you lose207. Never trust a hardworking employee208. Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer209. Tell them what they want to hear210. A wife, who is able to clean, saves the cleaning lady211. In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator212. If they accept your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much213. Stay neutral in conflicts so that you can sell supplies to both sides214. Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach215. Instinct without opportunity is useless216. Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself217. Only pay for it, if you are confronted with loaded phaser218. Always know what you're buying219. A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount220. Profit is like a bed of roses - a few thorns are inevitable221. Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes222. Knowledge is Latinum223. Rich men don't come to buy; they come to take224. Never throw anything away: It may be worht a lot of Latinum some Stardate225. Pride comes before a loss226. Don't take your family for granted, only their Latinum227. Loyalty can be bought ... and sold228. All things come to those who wait, even Latinum229. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox230. Manipulation may be a Ferengi's greatest tool, and liability231. If you steal it, make sure it has a warranty232. Life's no fair (How else would you turn a profit?)233. Every dark cloud has a Latinum lining234. Never deal with beggars; it's bad for profits235. Don't trust anyone who trusts you236. You can't buy fate237. There's a sucker born every minute. Be sure you're the first to find each one238. The truth will cost239. Ambition knows no family240. The higher you bid, the more customers you drive away241. Never underestimate the inportance of the fist impression242. More is good, all is better243. If you got something nice to say, then SHOUT244. If you can't sell it, sit on it, but never give it away245. A warranty is valid only if they can find you246. He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them247. Never question luck248. Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised249. Respect other culture's beliefs; they'll be more likely to give you money250. A dead vendor doesn't demand money251. Satisfaction is not guaranteed252. Let the buyer beware253. A contract without fine print is a fool's document254. Anyone who can't tell a fake doesn't deserve the real thing255. A warranty without loop-holes is a liability256. Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse257. Only fools negotiate with their own money258. A Ferengi is only as important as the amount of Latinum he carries in his pockets259. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know260. Gambling is like the way to power: The only way to win is to cheat, but don't get caught in the process261. A wealthy man can afford everything except a conscience262. No lobes, no profit263. Never let a female in clothes cloud your sense of profit264. It's not the size of your planet, but it's income, that matters265. The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend - choose wisely266. A pair of good ears will ring dry a hundred tongues267. Wish not so much to live Long, as to live well268. a) When in doubt, lieb) When in doubt, buyc) When in doubt, demand more moneyd) When in doubt, shoot them, take their money, run and blame someone else269. Never purchase anything that has been promised to be valuable or go up in value270. It's better to have gambled and lost than to never have gambled at all271. There's many witty men whose brains can't line their pockets272. The way to a Ferengi's heart is through his wallet273. Always count their Latinum before selling anything274. There is no profit in love; however, a strong heart is worth a few bars of Latinum on the open market. Keep it on ice275. Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it276. If at first you don't succeed, try to acquire again277. Diamonds may be girl's best friend, but you can only buy the girl with Latinum278. It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit279. Never close a deal too soon after a female strokes your lobes280. An empty bag can not stand upright281. Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell282. Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner283. Rules are always subject to change284. Rules are always subject to interpretation285. No good deed ever goes unpunished286. When Morn leaves it is all over The Complete Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition |