“What is the impact of parental separation in young children and how can parents support their children throughout and after separation?”
Separation can be a very daunting experience in young children’s lives and can impact severely on their growing skills; such as communication and social skills. Children can become vulnerable. Children need the continuing affection and support of both parents. “Not all parents are able to continue a relationship with their children after separation. There are no easy solutions to these difficult situations”
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the number of children under 18 years of age affected by divorce has decreased from 46,337 in 2010 to 43,867 in 2011. The average number of children per divorce was 1.9. Although there were no statistics taken recently, the numbers show a significant amount of children affected by divorce. During my survey of ‘impact of separation on children’, 100% of the people taking the survey knew someone that has been divorced or separated with children.
My first key finding is that because of a young child’s sense of time perception, that separation between the child and the parent has a confronting impact on their emotional wellbeing. Children under two will often have a stronger emotional and physical dependence on their primary carer. A child at that age has a vastly different concept of time compared to older children, leading to issues with parenting arrangements. The needs of the child need to be considered, as the level of conflict between parents can make visits extremely stressful for a child at a young age. As the child gets older, they perceive time less distortedly than infants, but still experience a short period as being a much longer time than it is for an adult. Separation can be a major crisis for any age group of children and they can react with shock or depression.
Children at all ages require a secure foundation in which they can explore and a safe haven they can come to for protection, reassurance and comfort. Couples who are separated and can provide this for their child will ensure that their circumstances in being separated will have the least effect on their child/ren. Children are very sensitive to conflict between parents especially if they are in the middle of it. While disagreement is normal in any family, a continuance of conflict makes life very difficult for children. In fact, research shows that this is one of the serious factors affecting children's adjustment after separation or divorce. It is proven that couples that fight in front of their children or who criticize the other parent weaken their children’s sense of safety and will negatively affect the child’s sense of self and purpose in the world.

Convincing a young child of the permanence of divorce can be hard when his or her intense longing fantasizes that somehow, some way, mum and dad will be living back together again someday. They rely on wishful thinking to help alleviate the pain of loss, holding onto hope for a parental reunion much longer than does the adolescent who is quicker to accept the finality of this unwelcome family change. Studies show that parents who attend family celebrations and holiday events to re-establish family closeness for the child only feed the child's fantasy and delay his or her adjustment. For the parent who divorces with a child, the priority is establishing a sense of family order and predictability. This means observing the three R's required to restore a child's trust in security, familiarity, and dependency - Routines, Rituals, and Reassurance.
The way the parent handles the separation affects how the child copes with it. During that time of difficulty, they might forget that they are the parent and that the child should not be parenting the parent. They should live an everyday normal life in which a child should play, attend school, excursions and visit family and friends.
Parents who ascertain household and visitation routines allow the child to create rituals to feel more in control of their life and it provides reassurance that the parents are still lovingly connected to the child as ever, and are committed to making a comfortable arrangement to work.
One way divorce and separation leads to other life stresses for both the parent and child is a reduction in financial resources. Studies have found that children who are separated from one parent during childhood tend to have lower income and education levels as adults. Not only do the financial resources become limited, but the remaining parent may also have less time to help the children with their homework and take them to special lessons and activities because the sole parent may not have help at hand to accomplish day to day living requirements. The change between having two incomes will be stressful on the sole parent as well, especially if they have a newborn/young child, they will find it difficult to fit the time to work or have a career with two or more children in their care.
Divorce increases the risk that children will suffer from psychological and behavioural problems. Children will often develop problems with anger, disobedience and rule violations. The effects of divorce and separation can also affect the child’s ability to achieve in school. According to Kaye (1989), boys' schooling is more likely to suffer than girls' following marriage breakdown; undeniably, any adverse effects for girls may be temporary only. It was found that immediately after parental separation both male and female primary school children had poorer test scores than other children, but five years later, only the boys were still performing at the lower level.

The effects of separation do not have to have a negative, long-term effect on a child’s emotional and social development. The experience the children have to endure such as lifestyle changes and loss is very traumatic at any age and they need help from the parents to cope. With enough support, they are likely to regain their sense of emotional and social wellbeing and continue to thrive and develop.
Parents need to explain explicitly that it is not their child’s fault that they have separated and in every way possible reassure them that both parents still love them. Understanding and talking about the child’s feelings is very important to help the child cope with the separation and the rollercoaster of emotions they may be feeling throughout this time.
The need for structure is very important especially if the ‘leader’ of the house has gone. Things will seem to be falling apart in their minds so they need to be reassured that it is not the end of the world.
Having a support network and people that the child is close to and they can trust (such as a family friend, relative, teacher or counsellor) will help them re-create a safe environment and build confidence to express their feelings, rather than hiding them. It is important for the child to be in contact with both parents. Very young children need to see both parents more frequently so that the attachments they have formed can stay in place.

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