This Week in Sex: Bisexual Men Have Unique Needs, Casual Sex Is Good for Some, Later Childbirth Linked to Longer Life
by Martha Kempner
June 27, 2014 - 11:50 am
A new study suggests that reactions to casual sex are mostly about the individuals who are having it and how authentic they are being to their own sexual mores. (Couple in bed via Shutterstock)
This Week in Sex is a weekly summary of news and research related to sexual behavior, sexuality education, contraception, STIs, and more.
The Public Health Community and the Needs of Bisexual Men
A new study in the Journal of Preventative Medicine argues that the public health community has not paid enough attention to the unique needs of bisexual men. In Beyond the Bisexual Bridge, author William Jeffries suggests that men who have sex with men and women (MSMW) are often seen as transmitters of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) including HIV, and, more to the point, as the way in which certain diseases or epidemics jump from gay men to heterosexuals of both sexes. By looking at them as disease vectors and not a population with their own sexual health issues, however, Jeffries believes that we are making bisexual men more vulnerable to STIs.
Only about 2 percent of the male population identifies as MSMW but, according to the study, their sexual health needs and experiences are different from those of heterosexual or straight men. They are more likely to have early sexual debut, forced sexual encounters, and sex in exchange for money or something else of value. They tend to have more sexual partners, greater issues with substance abuse, and take more risks in sex with both male and female partners. Adolescent MSMW are more likely to drop out of school because they don’t feel safe. This may be one of the reason that, according to the study, adult MSMW are less likely to have a college degree and more likely to have lower incomes or be homeless.
Jeffries attributes many of these issues to biphobia, which comes from both gay and heterosexual people who feel that bisexuality is not a legitimate sexual orientation. The view of bisexuals as the STI “bridge” between communities heightens biphobia and can lead MSMW to take additional risks. For example, Jeffries says that “MSMW may feel inclined to publicly validate their bisexuality through multiple sexual partnerships with men and women.” He adds that the biphobia “can contribute to MSMW’s social isolation and psychological distress, which in turn may promote HIV/STI risk through substance use, sexual risk behaviors, and the avoidance of prevention services.”
Jeffries ends the article with a number of social and public health strategies, including media and educational campaigns that he believes can improve the health and well-being of MSMW. One suggestion is to create “social spaces that cultivate a sense of community to provide opportunities for social support and candid discussion of sexual health concerns.” He also believes that medical and health professionals need “sensitivity trainings to lessen any hostility encountered by MSMW when they seek information about sexual health or HIV/STI testing.”
Finally, Jeffries concludes, “Recognition of MSMW’s unique sexual and social experiences can lay the foundation necessary for ensuring that these men have healthy and fulfilling sexual experiences.”
Is Casual Sex Good for You? Depends Who You Are
Researchers, possibly because they reside primarily on college campuses, where this is common, have taken quite an interest in hook-up culture. They’ve tried to determine how prevalent casual sex is, whether it represents a significant change in values around relationships, and, importantly, how it affects those young people who are doing the hooking up. As you can imagine, the results of these inquiries have been varied.
For example, RH Reality Check reported on a study around this time last year that found college students who had recently had casual sex had lower levels of self-esteem, life-satisfaction, and happiness, and higher levels of general anxiety, social anxiety, and depression compared with their peers who had not had casual sex recently. A study published this past March, however, suggested that it’s not whether you have casual sex that affects your well-being; it’s why. Those who had casual sex for the “wrong reasons”—such as to feel better about themselves, to please someone else, for material reward, or for revenge—had lower self-esteem, higher depression and anxiety, and more physical health symptoms, compared to those who didn’t have casual sex. In contrast, those who did it for the “right” reasons, such as to have fun and new experiences, had similar levels of depression, anxiety, and physical symptoms to those who didn’t hook up but notably had higher self-esteem.
Now a new study, by the same lead author, suggests that reactions to casual sex are mostly about the individuals who are having it and how authentic they are being to their own sexual mores. The study followed 371 college students at New York University and Cornell and asked them to fill out diaries about their sexual contacts over a semester, as well as answer various questions about their states of mind. Participants were considered to have had casual sex if they had oral, anal, or vaginal sex with anyone they described as a one-night stand, friend with benefits, “fuck buddy,” ex-partner, just a friend, or a casual hang out, or anyone with whom the relationship was “unclear” or “complicated.” By the end of the study, 42 percent of participants had had casual sex.
The effect of such incidents on the participants’ psychological well-being, however, had to do with each person’s own views on casual sex. For those who the researchers described as sociosexually unrestricted—essentially those who were more open to and accepting of casual sex—the experiences were beneficial. In fact, these people reported thriving after the casual sexual experience. Interestingly, however, the researchers did not find the reverse—sociosexually restricted individuals did not report negative effects after casual sex. Still, they believe this study shows that the impact of casual sex is never just good or bad, but depends on situational characteristics and personality traits. They also believe the lack of findings on restricted individuals can be explained by the small portion of this group that actually engaged in casual sex during the course of the study.
(Source: http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2014/06/27/week-sex-bisexual-men-unique-needs-casual-sex-good-later-childbirth-linked-longer-life/)
Who Benefits From Casual Sex? The Moderating Role of Sociosexuality
1. Zhana Vrangalova1,2⇑ 2. Anthony D. Ong1 1. 1Department of Human Development, Cornell University, Ithaca, NY, USA 2. 2Department of Psychology, New York University, New York, NY, USA 1. Zhana Vrangalova, Department of Psychology, New York University, 161G Meyer, 6 Washington Place, New York, NY 1003, USA. Email: sv52@nyu.edu
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Abstract
Casual sex has become a normative experience among young people, raising concerns regarding its well-being consequences. Prior findings on main effects of casual sex on well-being are mixed, suggesting possible moderating factors. Using longitudinal and weekly diary methodologies, this study examined the moderating influence of sociosexuality, a stable personality orientation toward casual sex, on psychological well-being (self-esteem, life satisfaction, depression, and anxiety) following penetrative (oral, vaginal, or anal) casual sex among single undergraduates. As predicted, sociosexuality moderated the effect of casual sex on well-being on a weekly basis across 12 consecutive weeks, over one semester, and over one academic year. Sociosexually unrestricted students typically reported higher well-being after having casual sex compared to not having casual sex; there were no such differences among restricted individuals. Few gender differences were found. Findings are discussed in terms of authenticity in one’s sexual behaviors.
Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Sexuality and Casual Sex 08DEC
Does the phrase “casual sex” set your soul on fire… or does it scare the piss out of you? Many of us, regardless to sexuality, hold firm to the notion that the only permissible sex is relationship sex even though we are also very much aware that casual sex exists and does happen.
A lot.
Bisexuals get to wear the promiscuous tag (gee, I just love that word for some reason) because it’s assumed that all we do is fuck everything with a pulse… but the people who’d gladly put this at our feet, as usual, neglect to point out that promiscuity is a human trait and one we all can get caught up in. Now, I’m not gonna speak for other bisexuals on this one but I’ve had a lot of casual and relationship sex so I’d never say that I had a problem with the former.
But some folks do and it’s just my opinion that we are so driven toward the relationship model that getting our heads out of it in order to experience more of the joys of sex can be troubling; the body is screaming for sexual release but the mind (a) acknowledges the need and (b) can prevent us from answering this particular call of nature.
And, yes, even bisexuals can be caught up in this. Early in our development, we are severely cautioned against having casual sex and steered toward relationship sex, you know, save it for when you’re older, more responsible, and in love with someone and, preferably, married. Once we become aware of our sexuality, it can be damned confusing and a bitch to deal with our “opposite sex conditioning” and our “same sex attraction” all at the same time; again, the body tells us what’s needed and the mind wants to get it… and still leave us high and dry.
Hormones can override the conditioning in some; the need to check this shit out is just too great to ignore and sex will jump off, relationship or otherwise, straight or gay depending on one’s orientation… and all the while, there’s this little voice in our heads telling us that we shouldn’t be doing this now or that “Kenny” shouldn’t be having fun screwing around with “Eddie” but, yeah, doing it is really the right thing to do.
But we’re still driven toward relationship sex because it’s the right and proper way to do things and while the allure of NSA sex – no strings attached – is so delicious, eh, some of us just can’t adopt the mindset that’s necessary to partake of this “illicit” sex, like, understanding that it’s just sex, that while relationship sex is so rewarding and all that, yeah, just doing it because you need to do this can be quite the rush.
What’s that you say? Sex has to have some meaning other than mere lust? That sex for the sake of sex is cheap? That it’s unthinkable and even “impossible” if you’re not into them or they into you? And you really believe this, don’t you? Of course you do – it’s what we’ve all been taught to believe, that there’s a purpose to sex and that any sex minus that purpose is wrong, slutty, whorish, so on and so forth.
We get so inured with relationship sex that even when we can partially get our heads around the NSA version, we avoid it because we’re leery about strings being attached when the situation doesn’t call for any. It’s understandable but if sex is what you need, then one must simply be able to attend to this need in an “it’s just sex” frame of mind.
It’s like I tell a lot of bi guys: You don’t have to be “into” a guy to have sex with him; you don’t even have to be friends with them – you just have to like them (read this as a trust issue) enough to get your rocks off with them. Sounds simple… but it really isn’t – that conditioning I mentioned is at the core of who we are and it’s not easy to overcome it so that you can take care of that physical need… but it can be overcome.
Our morality about sex is insidious and if ya think this sounds bad, it’s because it is. It’s an inhibitor, a mindset that’s designed to focus our sexual desires in a single direction: The heterosexual, monogamous sex that is conducive to reproduction; thus, any sex that does not serve these specific purposes is deemed to be, well, uncool.
And sexuality, such as it is, doesn’t play much of a role in this. Bisexuals do engage in NSA sex… but so do straight folks, gay folks, transgender folks, etc.. So I’ll ask you again: When you think of casual/NSA sex, does it get your juices flowing… or does it scare the living daylights out of you?
Oh, and have you ever really asked yourself exactly why it might be a scary proposition for you? The answer might surprise you…
(Source: https://kdaddy23.wordpress.com/2015/12/08/todays-bisexual-thoughts-sexuality-and-casual-sex/)
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The Unfiltered Truth About Being Bisexual (In And Out Of Bed)
Michael Hollan
March 5, 2010
My family didn't get it and neither did the gay community.
It's not news that sexual fluidity has been working its way into the mainstream. We all know the girl who experimented in college and then went back to guys, or the middle-aged woman who left her husband for some turquoise artisan in Taos named Deborah.
Both seem to be examples of the stronger sexual preference winning out in the end. But more and more, it's becoming acceptable for women to "hop the fence"— that is, to make the occasional gender switch-up in casual sex and in long-term relationships. I know, 'cause I'm one of 'em.
Although I'd always privately identified as bisexual, I'd only dated boys before I met a girl I had instant chemistry with. We had an amazing, insanely sexy couple of months, but we wanted different things out of a partner, and things fizzled in the natural way romantic relationships of either persuasion do.
The next person I dated happened to be a guy, and it was wildly irritating when my parents and friends — who had been supportive of my dating a girl, if dubious — acted vindicated. I wasn't bisexual, they thought — I was just going through a phase. When I dated another girl a year later, they were more respectful of the fact that it was an actual relationship. This, apparently, was how it was going to be.
More and more of us are deciding to shirk traditional definitions of sexuality in favor of doing what feels natural. We all know a girl who says she's always been attracted to other women but has never really done anything about it, save the occasional bar make-out or session spent watching girl-on-girl porn. So why don't more women act on it?
I'm Bisexual. No, Really.
First, I think there's a stigma attached to bisexuality. Sure, I got a lot of flack from my friends ("Oh, having the obligatory lesbian fling? How second-season-of-The-O.C.") and my parents ("But you've always liked boys! Is this because we sent you to art school?"), but I also got a surprising amount of stink-eye from my girlfriend's lesbian friends.
A lot of the LGBT community is kind of dismissive of the "B" element. My girlfriend identified as strictly lesbian, and most of her friends thought of me as some kind of sexual interloper. (Many lesbians will patently not date bisexual girls, which I find ridiculous.) I get that lesbians have had to struggle with discrimination and oppression as both women and homosexuals (I get it, guys, I really do!), but the fact that I also like to date men doesn't make my love for — or attraction to — a woman any less real. I like penises and vaginas — if you don't want me to be part of your culture because you think I'm some sort of sexual dilettante, fine.
Do the (Fairly Simple) Math
Reason No. 2 why so many girls remain "untested bis"? Sheer numbers and availability. I date guys more often, but that's because I don't specifically seek out gay bars. While flirting it up in a bar with a member of the opposite sex is fairly normal, it can be hard to tell if that cute girl at my favorite watering hole is gay. So unless I get an introduction from a mutual friend who knows I'm into girls, I'm unlikely to just randomly meet a chick in the same way I might a guy.
If you factor in that the majority of the population identifies as heterosexual, you're working with a much smaller pool of potential "les" dates. So even though it's sheer mathematical probability that leads to my dating men most often, I still end up getting accused of being a fauxsbian.
I Don't Know What to Do With My Hands!
When I first started dating girls, I was amazed at how many friends boozily confided in me that they harbored secret same-sex curiosity. The biggest thing keeping them from acting? "Hey, uh, how do lesbians have sex?"
"I'm totally into breasts," confided one friend, "but I'd be terrified to go down on a girl."
Honestly? It's a little scary at first. But it's the same as heterosexual sex: You're nervous for the first time, but you get over it pretty quickly, because at some point, it feels f**king great. It's sex! You'd be surprised how intuitive it is. So many girls approach being with a woman with the same trepidation as assembling a particularly tricky piece of Ikea furniture. Ever had a guy go down on you or finger you? It's pretty much the same deal, just with less chest hair and more toy involvement. Not to mention with somebody who actually knows her way around a vagina.
It's different than being with a guy, sure, because usually hetero sex has a clear stopping point: when the guy comes. As another girl who dates both men and women put it, "In my experience, girl-on-girl goes on indefinitely. This can lead to faking — and guess what? Yes, we can fake, even if it's with another lady! On the plus side, it's really nice to not walk away with beard burn."
I'm on the Fence, and That's the Way I Like It
I'm currently not in a relationship, and I'm not sure whether I'll date a man or a woman next (and yes, I've enjoyed casual flings with both). The point is, I'm not actively looking for one or the other.
I could say that I'm not attracted to the gender, I'm attracted to the person — but that would be a lie. While I'd love to meet somebody hilarious who loves Coen brothers movies, bourbon and PBS, sometimes I just like the way your a$$ looks in those jeans — regardless of your gender.
(Source: http://www.yourtango.com/201060205/curious-girl-girl-bisexual-gives-advice#)
