Reginia Lanes
Dr. Graham
English 105
14 April 2013

Mr. Mom
As I sat through frustration of rush hour traffic, I received a text message from my best friend who is a male. The text message read “What’s a good age to start wearing tampons?” My sarcasm immediately kicked in and I almost replied back “Whenever you think you’re ready.” However knowing this is probably another one of those sensitive subjects for him concerning his daughter, whom he has raised alone since soon after her birth, I figured I better answer seriously. I responded “Whenever she’s comfortable.” As usual he replied “Ok, Just thought I’d ask.” You see my friend is one of the many men that have challenged the stereotype that has been placed upon them of being absentee or dead beat fathers once their relationship ends with the mothers. This is proving to no longer be status quo. You see I have several male friends who are raising their children, mostly girls, alone. Thus we now have a growing number of “absentee or deadbeat” mothers in our society.
According to new data from the U.S. Census Bureau, there is a significant rise in the number of single fathers raising kids. Specifically, the census data shows that the rise in families led by single fathers has outpaced the rise in single-mother families for the first time since 1970. Today, there is an increase of 14 percent of single-dad households. The number of single-mother households only increased by roughly 3.2 percent in the past 10 years. Gone are the days of family court automatically granting custody to the mother just because “That’s the way it’s always been.” Fathers are now challenging and exercising their parental rights. They are now demanding the opportunity to make a real difference in the lives of their children.
The reasons for fathers being granted custody vary from things as bad as child neglect and abandonment, to something as simple as the mother wants to pursue a career. Some mothers chose drugs or another man over their own children, others chose the desire for the corner office with a window and others just don’t chose at all and leave the fathers hands tied because she has just disappeared. Whatever the case maybe we can no longer stereotype men only as deadbeat. We must either include women or drop this stereotype all together.
I have been fortunate to share in the lives of some of these modern day hero’s also known as single fathers and I have not met one that I am not proud to call “friend”. These men wake up in the morning put on their steel toed boots and hurry into the kitchen where they grab an apron and prepare breakfast for their children. They are the smiling faces these children wake up to and they are the loving voice they hear saying “Don’t forget your lunch.” as they scurry to the bus stop. After getting the kids off to school they go off to work and pray that they didn’t forget anything or that the teacher doesn’t call with an issue or that they didn’t forget to pay a bill or forget one of the kid’s doctors’ appointments. They put in a hard day’s work ,usually on a strenuous job, and when they arrive home there is no home cooked meal and slippers waiting for them but there are hungry children waiting to tell daddy all about their day. These men don’t fall asleep watching the game or a western in a recliner, they fall asleep at the table checking homework or figuring bills.
I recently spoke with a few of the single fathers that I know, all of which are raising or have raised girls alone. I asked for some of their experiences being a single father and their answers didn’t shock me because I have lived through this with them but for those who don’t know and don’t understand I want to share a glimpse in the mind of a “Few Good Men”, soldiers that have stepped up and made a choice to not be absent or deadbeat but to be the one their child could be proud of and the one other men in our society could model.
I asked this specific question to all of them, “As a single father what are some of the things you do or have done that you would have avoided, had you not taken on this responsibility?” Even though the men are all very different the answers were very similar. The number one answer tied between combing little girl’s hair and purchasing feminine products. The men also agreed on purchasing under garments as something they would not have had to do. We discussed things like communicating with the children on why mother is not here and offering security and assurance that he would not leave. We discussed shelter and how much easier it would be to just provide for oneself than making sure there was adequate space and the proper environment for raising a child. They mentioned things like addressing the menstrual cycle and hygiene with girls and how it was difficult but necessary. These answers came out as natural for these men as their nurturing comes out on a daily basis.
One of my friends said something that really stuck with me. At some point I mentioned the word life. I don’t recall exactly what I said but his response touched me and gave me a stronger appreciation for single fathers He said “Life? How can I have a life raising kids alone and working two jobs?” Because I was rushed at the time it was said I did not address it but to my friend and to all single parents; men and women, Life is what you make it. This is your life. You are having “a life” right now. Be proud of what you are doing and the difference you are making not only in the life of your children but also in the life of society as a whole.
To some that might read this and ask “What’s the big deal? Women have been doing this forever.” Well I say to you, it is a big deal. It’s as big of a deal as we’ve made to stereotype men as the deadbeat parent. I would hope that you will now see the rise in single fathers as a positive trend, a signal that more couples are deciding who should raise children based on practical considerations, rather than stereotypical gender roles. I’d hope that you’d have a new found respect for the single fathers in our society because they truly are soldiers.