There is this popular saying: “Kids say the darnedest things.” And it is so true! But not only do they SAY the “darnedest” things. They also DO the “darnedest” things. As the mother of a four-year-old little girl, I know from experience. But where do kids learn the things they say or do? They learn it from watching and listening, or “observing.” Children are like little sponges. They observe everything around them, soak it all in, and imitate the words and actions they see and hear, both positive and negative. Because of this, it is my belief from personal experience that the style most appropriate and fitting to teaching children is observational learning. One of the most important factors of observational learning is whether the desired behavior is rewarded or not. The observation of punishment isn’t a guarantee that negative behavior won’t be learned or repeated. However, the chances of repeated desirable behavior increase if a child observes a reward. It is pretty simple to teach a child to clean his or her room with this approach. Although it may take a few times for the concept to sink in, it’s very basic: clean your (referring to the child) room and you will get to go to the park (or color, or watch television, whichever you want the reward to be). There are few things to do before you start. First, you need to consider a schedule for reinforcement. Do you want to reward your child every time he cleans his room with a continuous reinforcement schedule, or every once in a while with a partial reinforcement schedule? Personally, I prefer a variable-ratio schedule, which is a type of partial reinforcement schedule where the child is rewarded after a varying number of times that she cleaned her room properly. Also, extinction of the desired behavior occurs quicker with a continuous reinforcement schedule than with a partial reinforcement schedule.
If you teach your child to clean her room using the continuous reinforcement schedule and decide afterwards to move to a partial reinforcement schedule or to stop rewarding her, she will eventually stop cleaning her room properly, which is what extinction is. After getting used to being rewarded every time her room is clean, she will likely stop after the normal cycle changes. Even if you do decide to go with a partial reinforcement schedule, she won’t realize that even though she will be rewarded, it’s not going to be every single time like she’s used to. In that case, you would more than likely need to start all over again.
Next, you will want to organize your child’s room so everything is within his or her reach. You will also need to make it so that it’s easy to remember where each item or group of items goes. In my daughter’s room, she has a rack with bins on it where her toys go. Each bin holds something different. For example, her books go in one bin, her kitchen toys go in another, her dolls in another, and so on and so forth. I made it very easy for her to be able to get her toys out AND put her toys right back! And now the learning begins! The first couple of times, when clean-up time comes around, help your child with the task. Be sure to show him where everything goes and how you expect the room to be cleaned when it is time for him to do it on his own. While helping him clean his room, be sure to be encouraging and positive the whole time. Phrases like “I know you can do it!” and “You are doing great!” worked great for me. Each time you are done helping him, offer him a reward, such as a lollipop or time at the park. Now it is time for your child to show you what she has learned! Have her clean her room on her own. Let her know that if she cleans her bedroom to the given expectation, she will get a reward. She may need a few words of encouragement or even a few little reminders as to where some of her toys belong at first, but that shouldn’t last but a few times on her own. When her room is clean, let her claim her prize! It is my belief that children can learn almost anything you want them to if taught in the proper way. Observational learning has been the most effective to me as a parent, whether it be cleaning her room or helping me around the house. That being said, all children are different and require different styles of conditioning or learning. Find the style that best fits your child and you’ve found the key to easy child rearing.