When I gave birth to my daughter Georgia Grayce, I was not prepared for parenthood. I was nineteen, naïve, depressed, and angry with myself for not having my life together. In my mind, everything should have been perfect prior to getting pregnant. I was not in college, had no job, and was not married. I spent many nights envious of friends’ abilities to experience an exciting life. I knew that I would never be a “normal” young adult. I would neither have fun nor put myself first. I often thought about giving up after her appearance, but after enduring weeks without Georgia Grayce, I changed my opinion.
Observing posts on social media of upcoming parties and concerts, I became extremely depressed. I was jealous and confused about my purpose in life. After consulting a psychologist, I was soon diagnosed with post partum depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I sat, alone, questioning if I wanted to continue being a mom or be a regular twenty year old. I felt as though I was a failing mother, child, and person. Many months passed, and my urge to disappear rapidly grew. It was then that I decided to leave her behind and enjoy the normalcy of young adulthood. Even though it was for a short time, it changed my attitude towards my newfound responsibility. …show more content…
It took many sleepless nights and separation to accept that I wanted to be the best role model for my daughter. My emotional burden was lifted and replaced with joy and excitement. Suddenly, moving on from my initial priorities and striving to achieve my goals became important. I enrolled in college courses, mended my relationship with my family, and excelled in being a full-time mommy. The pressure of a successful social life was merely a phase. Looking back, I fully regret leaving Georgia Grayce behind for the “good life”. However, I gained a new appreciation for the role I needed to play for