Mackenzie Timson
EWC4U/Ca
Mr. Marando
28/02/14
Suing the Sues
By Mackenzie Timson
There are at least two things you can always be certain of when it comes to a Mary Sue: one, she is dang good looking, and two, you hate her guts. About now, many people might be asking, “What is a Mary Sue?” Well, esteemed audience, a Mary Sue is, in every sense of the word, a perfect heroine, whom you hate solely for the way she is written. She’s kind, gentle, funny, and undyingly selfless, yet she can kick the butt of any and every evil villain in existence…somehow. Let’s not forget that she’s a genius, and gets the highest grades in every single one of her classes (because she’s probably between 13 and 18…seriously, almost every single time!). And she does all this without even getting a tangle in her super perfect hair.
Of course, the question to ask now is, “Why is that a bad thing? Don’t you think she’s really cool?” Of course I think she’s cool. I mean, why wouldn’t I? Did you see what was written before? That is the epitome of awesomeness. But let me ask you a question in return: Have you ever encountered a person that perfect? No, because they don’t exist. In real life people are rude and lazy, and sometimes stupid. A Mary Sue is the exact opposite of that, and this presents a few problems. To start, since she’s so much “better” than pretty much every human being on the face of the planet, how on earth could any reader relate to her? Characters are written so that you can relate to them while they’re experiencing their conflicts, so that you can feel some emotion while you’re reading, so obviously a character must be relatable! No one can relate to a girl who is so freaking perfect that it gives you a headache, and that makes reading a story with a Mary Sue quite a boring task.
It’s not just the inability to relate to her, but her inability to change that makes the story dull. Throughout the entire story, that thing called “character development” is thrown out the window. Remember, she’s perfect (because I haven’t mentioned that enough have I?); she doesn’t need to change. So obviously, there is no character development, which means that on this journey (whatever the journey is…usually an epic adventure in a fantasy world closely resembling Middle Earth), she does not learn anything. No lesson learned whatsoever. Seriously, what’s the point of a book if it’s not trying to teach you something?
Of course, we can’t forget another little thing: once you find out the main protagonist is a Mary Sue…THE ENTIRE ENDING HAS JUST BEEN SPOILED FOR YOU. Don’t forget, she’s also perfect at probably every fighting technique known to man, and she takes down the final villain, no problem, and then gets the guy (unless she already had him)…every single time. Literally, the entire story is operated by her. There will not be another character more powerful than her, or even with an ability that she doesn’t already possess. There will be a group that heads out on the epic adventure, but only one person who does anything…I’m not even going to say it; you should know by now. She upstages every character, and does anything worth noting by herself, even though she has a group of friends that can help her. Their only role throughout the story is to praise her whenever she so much as breathes. Because the reader can’t forget how freaking perfect she is. Honestly, there is no point for these characters to be there. Excuse me, friends of the Mary Sue, you may feel free to go take a coffee break when the battle against a giant army or evil villain arises. Rest assured, you wouldn’t be doing anything except watching her unjustifiably destroy every one of them, anyways.
And don’t even get me started about fanfictions (a fanfiction is simply a story written about a pre-existing fictional series, by a fan of said series-they are usually uploaded to the internet for others to read). The most common place for a Mary Sue to pop up is in a fanfiction, and that is THE WORST THING. One of these stories consists of a rewrite of the entire main story, but with a Mary Sue. And this is terrible because the story often switches around to make her the main character, and everyone follows her around, and immediately loves her. If my story was invaded by some little girl who tried to take my place as main character, I’d be pissed. And it doesn’t matter if the main male character was originally with someone else-she gets him as her boyfriend anyways. A Mary Sue ruins a story by tainting it with her presence. She upstages any and every character in the original story, so that, once again, she does everything. The entire story is changed around to make room for Perfect McShinyhair and her annoyingly polite personality.
And whoever the authors are that wrote these horrid girls in these fanfictions don’t know how to write. They riddle the story with spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and pointless descriptions of the Mary Sue’s clothing. I mean, it should be expected; it is the internet where these stories are being posted-it’s the only place where these crappy stories with one-dimensional characters are allowed to go. If there are a few good things I could point out about a Mary Sue story, fanfiction or original, it’s that one: I read then as a guilty pleasure…they’re so bad they make me laugh, and two: they make everyone feel better about their own writing.