...Enmanuel Perez Freshman Seminar 101 Final Project 12/17/12 The Deinstitutionalization of American Marriage According to the article “The Wedding as a Status Symbol”, Andrew Cherlin states that “A wedding was an event at which two kinship groups formed an alliance. More recently, it has been an event organized and paid for by parents” (856). In this section of the article Andrew is stating that even the way people have their weeding’s have changed in this modern era. Andrews says that wedding has recently lost it’s meaning from being a form of alliance to just being an event paid by parents for their son/daughter to get married. Later on in this section of the article Andrew states that “The wedding, it seem, has become an important symbol of the partners’ personal achievements and a stage in their self-development” (856) This shows how people are not getting married for the right reasons. People are getting married because it gives them a personal achievement. It makes them feel like they are following a tradition by doing what everyone else has been doing. How My View on Gay Marriage Changed. By: BLANKENHORN, DAVID In this article David Blankenhorn talks about how his view on gay marriage has changed over the time. Blankenhorn talks about how gay marriage or same sex marriage can actually be a positive thing in how it can unite people together. According to the article it says “For me, the most important is the equal dignity of homosexual love. I don't believe that opposite-sex...
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...avoid a communication breakdown in your marriage: Be Considerate of Your Mate's Feelings When you put your spouse's feelings first then you are sending a loud clear message that you respect them and you want to fix any communication breakdown that may exist between the two of you. Unfortunately, most married couples do not do this; so instead of getting disappointed or angry when your spouse doesn’t automatically meet your needs, try to understand where he or she is coming from first then you can share your issues with them. You may need to involve a professional counselor or marriage coach to help you through some of the more difficult issues. If that is the case with you, don't run from this help; embrace it and keep an open mind as you seek a good solution to your communication issues. Have A Well-Thought Out Plan to Discuss Tough Topics When there is a communication breakdown between spouses, marriage can get pretty nasty and very challenging. When it comes to talking about sensitive subjects like, in-laws, money, children and other similar things, you have to be very delicate and choose your words very carefully. Before you begin a conversation with your mate about something that you know is a very sensitive topic for them, you need to think through what you are going to say and how to say it. You must plan these conversations very carefully and let your mate know at the beginning of the conversation that what you need to talk about might upset them, but express...
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...CAN WE TALK? The Role of Communication in Marriages Married couples in matrimony for several decades may lack communication. A couple married for 50 years having a sit down dinner will speak for only a few minutes out of an hour long sitting, researchers have show communication of happy marriages which consists of sharing intimate thoughts, uncertainties, distrust. When we observe a couple in a restaurant or another public setting. In 1987, a review in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy established elevated rates of self-disclosure were coupled with advanced rates of couple satisfaction. Appearance of love and sustainability was also associated to contented marriages. "Many couples think they're communicating with each other" when they sort out who will pick up the kids, pay the bills or call the grandparents, says Orbuch. But that's not the kind of communication she's talking about."In the (research) literature, as well as for my couples, communication means you're sharing and really getting to know one another," Orbuch says. (NARA SCHOENBER. Houston Chronicle. Houston, Tex.: Feb 5, 2011. pg. 7.) In research literature couple should communicatively share and get to know each other. When a couple set aside just ten minutes a day, which is recognized as the ten minute rule per Orbuch, is to cultivate effective...
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...LIT2480 Prof. de Benedictis 16. Write an essay comparing and contrasting the philosophies of Brooks and Tesich toward marriage. With what points did you most agree or disagree. As a young, single male, the concept of marriage is still somewhat distant and unclear to me. However, marrying a fine young lady and starting a successful family feels like the ideal lifestyle to have one day. After reading “The power of marriage” by David Brooks and “An amateur marriage” by Steve Tesich, it was interesting to see the idea of marriage from different perspectives and how these gentlemen’s ideals differ from each other. David Brooks and Steve Tesich both make valid points about the matter and introduce their own philosophies, some of which I partly agree and partly disagree with. Brooks immediately declares what side of the debate he is on by stating a more traditional approach to the subject. He believes that marriage is a lifelong sacred bond between two people and that by having several sexual partners you are committing “spiritual suicide”. This mentality is almost completely opposite to what Tesich believes. Tesich would probably see this as a myth; in fact, he says that marriage is full of myths that are made up by society. Tesich instead talks about his experience the day he got married to a girl that used the same ring from her previous marriage on her current one, and he adds, “It did the job”. Tesich and his wife Becky have been married for 13 years. ...
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...Can We Talk Tanya Lynn Vilano Interpersonal Communication Professor Steven Fritzenkotter June 3, 2012 Can We Talk After reading the article on “Can we talk? Researcher talks about the role of communication in marriages”. The author does deliver enough material on self-disclosure in relationships. Self-disclosure is when you share personal thoughts and information with someone you are in a relationship with. The author states “In 1987, a review in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that higher rates of self-disclosure were tied with higher rates of marital satisfaction. Expression of love and support was also linked to happy marriages” (Schoenberg, 2011). When you are in a marriage you are looking for happiness from your partner. Self-disclosure brings reinforcement because it lets you be who you are and the same time improves your relationship and when someone you are in a relationship accepts what you tell them about you can help build your bond with one another. The first serious relationship I had, I chose to discuss the most intimate points of my life, because I thought it would bring us closer to one another. I told him about how my Dad disowned me after I got pregnant as a teenager and how it affected me inside it hurt me deeply. This time in my life affected me with my relationships with people, it made it tough for me to open up and trust anyone. It was difficult for me for me to open up to him because I did not share my personal affairs with people...
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...Assignments, Can we talk? Researcher talks about the role of communication in marriages I thought the article was great and I enjoyed reading it. It puzzled me to know that a couple that has been together for 50 years has little or nothing to talk about I think that is so sad. Yes I can relate to the on self-disclosure in relationships sharing with my partner my private feelings. Me and my partner always talk and tell each other how we are feeling and we always tell each other we love one another and we always show love in front of our children and kiss we let our children know that we love each other no matter what. We always keep our relationship open it help keep the love and understanding between the both of us and we always think of one another when we are out we always check in when we are out doing the shopping or what ever we have family time we sit and talk with the children and grand children make sure ever body is find with what ever may be going in our lives at that time. We work different shift so we always communication with each other and the children on a daily and let the other know what the other is doing or how we maybe feeling about the job or just life in general. Dear Bob and Sue, All throughout your marriage you will have to face trails and tribulations, so my advice to you Bob and Sue for a successful relationship is do not give up on the first sign of trouble “Fifty Percent of American Marriages Are Ending in Divorce (www.truthorfiction...
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...org the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41 percent. Isn’t that crazy? What ever happened till death do us part? So many marriages are plummeting and simply not working out. Mark and Grace Driscoll American pastors and authors who preach at Mars Hill Church in Seattle Washington, wrote a book on marriage called “Real Marriage, The Truth About Sex, Friendship & Life Together”. This book focuses on ways to maintain or get back to a healthy relationship or marriage. The book is also great for single people wanting to know the true meaning of marriage and how to be a great spouse. Mark and Grace tell their story on how they brought their marriage back together and also talk about all the mistakes they made down the road, unlike most marriage books that just talk about the good. In “Real Marriage, The Truth About Sex, Friendship & Life Together” Mark and Grace Driscoll make the claim that friends before marriage is a good marriage after and that perusing Gods grace together helps lead them to a healthier relationship, by using personal experiences, comparison, cause and consequence and pathos. Mark and Grace’s own personal experience’s, which serve, as an appeal to their ethos, is a rhetorical strategy they use in the book. The Driscolls talk about their own personal experiences with marriage early in the book. They discuss their story on how they meet and also the conflicts and issues they had early in their marriage. “I had a dream in which I saw some things...
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...COM 200 Week 3 Assignments, Can we talk? Researcher talks about the role of communication in marriages I thought the article was great and I enjoyed reading it. It puzzled me to know that a couple that has been together for 50 years has little or nothing to talk about I think that is so sad. Yes I can relate to the on self-disclosure in relationships sharing with my partner my private feelings. Me and my partner always talk and tell each other how we are feeling and we always tell each other we love one another and we always show love in front of our children and kiss we let our children know that we love each other no matter what. We always keep our relationship open it help keep the love and understanding between the both of us and we always think of one another when we are out we always check in when we are out doing the shopping or what ever we have family time we sit and talk with the children and grand children make sure ever body is find with what ever may be going in our lives at that time. We work different shift so we always communication with each other and the children on a daily and let the other know what the other is doing or how we maybe feeling about the job or just life in general. Dear Bob and Sue, All throughout your marriage you will have to face trails and tribulations, so my advice to you Bob and Sue for a successful relationship is do not give up on the first sign of trouble “Fifty Percent of American Marriages Are Ending in Divorce (www.truthorfiction...
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...the author's opinion and understanding about life and human experiences. It is impossible to tell a story without letting out one's views and attitudes toward a subject of the story. By sharing these views, it helps someone distinguish or open up to new ways of thinking and feeling. To demonstrate, the theme in Raymond Carver's short story "What We Talk When We Talk About Love" portrays multiple themes, which are love, language and communication, marriage, drugs and alcohol, and violence. Although themes are not directly presented, you can derive an idea or the evidence of what the theme may be from the characters, actions, and settings that formulate the story. For example, based on the what the characters of What We Talk About When We Talk About Love are trying to define as love, you can formulate that one of the themes are the elusive nature of love. For instance, Mel says, " I was going to tell you something. I mean, I was going to prove a point. You see, this happened a few months ago, but it's still going on right now, and it ought to make us feel ashamed when we talk about love like we know what we're talking about when we talk about love" (p. 729). He is saying that even though they speak on the meaning of love like they really know what it is, he is pretty sure none of the couples actually know what they are trying to say. He tries to precisely define love by telling a story about an elderly couple that almost died in a car accident. The ending result of his story ended...
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...For and Against Gay Marriage Same-sex marriage is one of the issues that American lawmakers are going through, right now. It could be a big decision in history, if legalized because the consequences, either positive or negative, can extremely affect our society. That’s why many debates start once this topic, legalizing same-sex marriage, starts. In “For Gay Marriage” Andrew Sullivan talks for homosexual being married, and in “Against Gay Marriage” William J. Bennett expresses himself against same-sex marriage. Andrew Sullivan thinks that homosexuals cannot have equal rights until the same-sex marriage is legalized, but William J. Bennett says that talking on this topic is totally pointless. Bennett says that legalizing gay marriage would be destroying that word “marriage.” He calls it an “honorable estate,” because of the differences between men and women balance it out and makes it complete. Marriage is a tradition not an insult to those who cannot get married. According to Bennett, heterosexual marriage is a social act and taught by all major religions, worldwide. It is a universal reorganization of male and female. But, Sullivan talks about the basic needs of a marriage rather than looking at it religiously. Sullivan discusses that there is no law that expects a married couple to have kids. It is a bond emotional, psychological, and financial bond between two people. Also, Sullivan argues that heterosexual marriages do not guarantee that they will always workout...
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...Can We Talk? Researcher Talks about the Role of Communication in Happy Marriages,” Marjae Corbett Com 200 Instructor Stephanie May March 14, 2014 Communication is a vital part of marriage. Knowing your spouse is imperative in having a strong marriage. Communication is an essential key in making connections with your partner. After reading the article “Can We Talk? Researcher Talks about the Role of Communication in Marriages”, I would have to agree with what Nara Schoenberg had to say on the matter of message in marriages. I’m not married but my partner and I have a magnificent relationship. We really know each other like the back of our hand. This was formed on how fit are communication is with each other. We have been together for two years, and we still have a heart-to-heart conversation about everything. Both of us have a lot in common; we love talking about our similarities and even the differences we may have. We also converse about our viewpoint on the upcoming, goals, moods, and any other unpremeditated topic we may come across during our discussions. If we were not able to connect the way we do with communication, I honestly believe our connection would not be as solid. While reading this article the author has faith that couples that share at least 10 minutes of impassive communication on a daily basis will have a long-lasting relationship. From my own knowledge, she seems to be correct. This article also points out a lot of inspiring things about communication in...
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...Communication in marriage Research: Communication In Families Communication is a vital part of everyday life. Without communication we would not be allowed to express feelings, needs or even wants. Communication is more complicated than just speaking to one another. Some families suffer from the lack of communication and it is most important to keep a good communication flow through families. Effective communication is an important characteristic of strong, healthy families. Family communication is the way verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between family members (Epstein et al.,1993). Communication involves the ability to pay attention to what others are thinking and feeling. In other words, an important part of communication is not just talking, but listening to what others have to say. Communication within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another. It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise within the family. Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families. Poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships. Marriage and family therapists often report that poor communication is a common complaint of families who are...
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...2 “Self-Disclosure, Gender, and Communication” Communication is one of the most important things in our lives. Quality communication in marriage is defined as the interpersonal, transactional, symbolic process by which marriage partners achieve and maintain understanding of each other (Montgomery, 1981). Marriage and communication are far more complicated than it seems. This paper will discuss the self-disclosure in relationship. Also this paper will discuss why self-disclosure is important and directly related to satisfaction in gender. Finally, this paper will outline the overall view point of communication in marriage or relationship. Self-disclosure us the process of revealing something about yourself to another person, in most cases revealing something that you usually keep hidden like a secret. Self-disclosure might involve information about your values, desires and beliefs, your behavior, and your self-qualities or characteristics. Self-disclosure is also different among genders, woman tend to self-disclose more than men do, they tend to reveal more intimate information than men, and most commonly woman tend to disclose more than men about their previous romantic relationships, their feeling about their greatest fears. Reading the article, “Can we talk? Researcher talks about the role of communication in happy marriages”, there are some things found to be true, but there are some things in the article that are believed not to be true. Like how men need to have...
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...WHAT CAN YOU AS A PARA-COUNSELOR DO TO STEM THE ISSUES IN NIGERIAN MARRIAGES BY AWUA STEPHEN INTRODUCTION The institution of marriage remains a cherished jewel of society. This is because from it, the family unit springs forth; as there is no denial that the family is nucleus of society. In Nigeria today, many marriages are going through a plethora of problems, very many of which are threatening the unity, love and life of marriage. These problems range from poor/lack of communication, substance abuse (addiction), sex-related complexities, etc. Given these unfortunate state of affairs in Nigerian marriages, the question what counselors would do to arrest the situation becomes crucially relevant. This is the take-off point of this write up. MEANING OF MARRIAGE Marriage is a social union or legal contract between people called spouses that create kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union is often formalized via a wedding ceremony. In terms of legal recognition, most sovereign states and other jurisdictions limit marriage to two persons of opposite sex or gender in the gender binary, and some of these allow polygynous marriage. Since 2000, several countries and some other jurisdictions have legalized same-sex marriage. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity...
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...life, we expect a marriage life to be happily ever after like the children’s stories, Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty, but it isn’t always the case. In reality, some marriage life does last forever but some doesn’t. As for mine, it only lasted for a couple years till I finally draw the line and said, “No more of this miserable life.” As time goes on, I have been living in a more stable and happy life compared to the married life I have before. How and why did I do it? Basically, I did it by re-socializing to adapt and cope to the married life I have now. What do I mean by re-socializing? It means that I must learn from my past experiences and make a dramatic change in the area concerning my behaviors, attitudes, expectations, and values to improve my new life. Before I get into my behavior change, I want to give a brief discussion on the topic why people get divorced. There are many reasons why people get divorced, but I will list a few of the important ones. First reason has to do with the break-down in communication and disclosure. This occurs with when both party starts to limit the communication between them. When one stopped talking to the other, it showed a lost of interest to be with the other one. If this goes on, both parties will eventually have negative thoughts such as, he or she is cheating, he or she don’t love me no more, or he or she is up to something no good. These kinds of negative thoughts aren’t good in a marriage life. Another reason...
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