The Importance of Self-Esteem in Child Development
Anastasia Jones
Bakersfield College

The Importance of Self-Esteem in Child Development
Self-esteem is a vital part of a child’s development. The development of a positive self-concept or healthy self-esteem is extremely important to the happiness and success of children and teenagers (Child Development Institute, 1999). Self-esteem is how the individual sees themselves; an individual's perception of their own abilities. But it doesn’t stop at one’s self perception, the perception and expectations of important people in their life, e.g., caretakers also shape a child’s self esteem.
A child’s self esteem changes at different ages. They will need different types of support in different stages in order for them to have a healthy self-esteem. Babies don’t have a sense of self yet, but you are able to start building it by answering to their cries, smiling and just being loving. This is letting the baby know that they are loved and develops a sense of security. They are secure because they know that there is someone who loves them and that they are apart of something, such as family, a group of friends, or some type of community. Without this a child won’t have a sense of belonging and feel rejected. This is why it’s important for a child to have a family, group, community, something that makes them feel accepted.
We want children to feel accepted and have a sense of purpose so that they believe in themselves. When there is confidence they are able to accomplish any necessary or desired task. And that they are able to venture into the world, work toward attaining their goals and welcome life with anticipation and pleasure (PBS, 2016). But a child cannot achieve this if they don’t feel confident, and if they don’t have a trusting relationship with their parents or caretakers. Once again, they need to feel safe and secure in order for their self esteem to be high and remain healthy. If they don’t take the risk, or they do and they fail and there isn’t a sense of security with knowing that if failure does occur there is some type of support and encouragement then their self-worth will diminish and their pathway to independence will be obscured. Self-esteem plays a large role in whether a child will be successful as a human being (Center For Parenting Education, 2016).
When a child has a healthy self-esteem they are able to do a number of things such as, acting independently, taking responsibility for one’s actions, take pride in their accomplishments, handle frustration, attempt new tasks and challenges, handle positive and negative emotions and offer help to others. A child with low self-esteem will do the exact opposite. They will avoid trying new things, feelings of being unwanted or unloved, blames others for their mishaps, puts down their abilities or talents, easily influenced or unable to tolerate a normal level of frustration (Center for Parenting Education, 2016).
Parents or caretakers can help promote a healthy self-esteem. Guiding instead of correcting or always acknowledging the negative and never the positive from the child can give them low self-esteem. It is important they hear positive feedback. They need to know when you are feeling good about them, and they need to hear that you value them as a family member. Praise is important, but it is how you praise them that will build not just a high self-esteem but a healthy self-esteem. Praising their efforts or actions, not just their traits. A child needs to hear specifically what they did is good because they will in turn feel competent and good about themselves.
It is good to balance out praising them for their capabilities, as well as praising them for who they are. Every individual is unique, and kids need to hear that their uniqueness is welcomed and accepted, even the bad traits. Without this balance, the result might be a child who feels the need to be a perfectionist and doesn’t feel worthy or lovable if they are not achieving. Another way to build healthy self esteem is through our actions. A simple hug, or smile when they enter the room can do a lot for a child. It let’s them know that they are loved and belong.
Having a high self-esteem is important, but having a healthy self-esteem is more important. Just like praising the child is good, but healthy praise is ideal. A research done by Columbia University suggests that when the researchers praised kids’ effort, they were priming them to be more resilient. Because the kids didn’t expect success to come easily, they felt more confident to take risks. Most important, they didn’t hang their sense of self-worth on the outcome (Emmons, 2016).
Self-esteem comes from within yourself, it is how you generate positive feelings about your accomplishments. If a parent or caretaker is constantly praising and never letting the child experience failure, or shortcomings, then they are not helping them cope with failure and they will struggle with it. Once again, there needs to be a balanced praise. One that praises their traits as well as their capabilities. Yes that child can be awesome, they are still awesome if they failed but their attempt is what needs to be acknowledged. As a parent, I struggle with balancing these type of praises. We are quick to shun anyone and everyone that doesn’t see our child the way we do. My son has a very hard time losing, I see now that I did not provide the balance of praising him for his actions and efforts as well as his traits. When he would lose I would tell him the other people were dumb, and he is awesome instead of praising how hard he worked or his efforts in the game.
In conclusion, having a healthy self-esteem is the ultimate goal. Kids are just like adults. When I’m at work I like to hear that I am doing a good job, but I am also sad when my boss does not specify what she liked or an exact action I did that made her happy. I struggle with low self-esteem and that in turn has made me constantly searching for praise and acceptance, it has led me down a spiral of depression and anxiety, always fearful of making mistakes or taking risks. When I look within myself, and how I feel, it makes me want to feel better so that my kids can feel good about themselves. Parents and caretakers are the mirrors and it is important what we reflect to our children. It starts with us and ends with them.

References
Emmons, S. (n.d.). How to Build Healthy Self-Esteem in Children. Retrieved March 31, 2016, from http://www.scholastic.com/parents/resources/article/praise-discipline/how-to-build-healthy-self-esteem-children
Must-Read Advice For Parents On Teenagers Self Esteem! (n.d.). Retrieved March 31, 2016, from http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-development/self-esteem/
Self-Esteem: Everything Parents Need to Know. (n.d.). Retrieved March 31, 2016, from http://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/self-esteem/what-parents-need-to-know-about-self-esteem/