The road to redemption
By Jared Maughan

It was the summer of 1995 when kirk packed his bags and headed for the Wyoming Rocky Mountains, kirk had grown up spending every summer in Wyoming at his family’s ranch but this year was different, with only a bag full of clothes and a pocket full of cash he set out on a quest to find himself and move on with his life. It was just three years ago that kirk lost his cousin & best friend Bradly from a roll over in those same Rocky Mountains, Bradley had been drinking while driving on the dirt road and lost control in a tight corner. Kirk had a hard time dealing with this and took to the comfort of drugs and alcohol to deal with his pain, after about a year the family had realized that he had a problem with pain killers which quickly elevated to the use of heroin. During this time kirk had a few run in’s with the law and was facing prison time. “I realized that if I didn’t get clean and straighten up I would be going to prison very soon. I went to rehab and dealt with my issues the right way”. Two years after Bradly’s death kirk was clean and on the right track when he met a girl named Melissa. Melissa was trouble from day one and everybody knew it, they dated for a while and often talked about marriage.
After six months of fights and break ups they finally called it quits, this would have been a good thing except kirk took it very harshly and went back to using heroin. It didn’t take long for the family to realize he was off the wagon, things like stealing and always asking for money and gas led to his family turning their backs , kirks dad Jim felt that tough love was the best way to deal with him this go round and they cut him off from all contact and support. Kirk was devastated to learn that his family had shut him out. With nowhere to go and no money to his name he decided to sell all of his belongings and take to the mountains where he knew he would feel welcome. So he did just that, kirk sold everything except a bag of clothes and his camping gear for somewhere around $800 dollars. Kirk figured he would buy enough heroin to last the summer and go to his favorite place. He loaded up on food and water and jumped in his little S10 pick up to head on his way.
(Kirk)” Several hours in to my drive I came upon the corner where I had so easily lost my cousin, I pulled over and made a fire, this is where I would spend the night remembering all the good times we once had. As little kids we would catch tad poles down by the river and as teen we would trap bullfrogs in the mud. I remember Bradly and I making a pack as young teens that we would always be there for each other just as brothers are, blood brothers to be exact. (Kirk thought to himself) how could he have been so selfish to be drinking and driving so late at night on this treacherous dirt road? I began to get angry and felt betrayed, without even realizing it I reached for my bag of heroin to ease the pain, I pulled out a needle and stared at the sharp tip, for this was the beginning of my ritual to mask my internal pain, out of nowhere I felt the most Erie feeling come over me, all I could hear was the crackle of the fire and the still mountain air. Suddenly I felt total empowerment to toss the bag of drugs and paraphernalia in to the fire. Without thinking twice I threw everything in to the fire and a feeling of freedom overcame me! Calmly I stared at the fire blazing like the devil, I didn’t feel alone that night and I knew Bradly was there with me. Soon after I fell asleep, I awoke to the early morning coyotes howling, at first it startled me but once I realized where I was I calmed down immediately , without even thinking reached for my drugs to get my morning fix when I realized what I had done the night before. Suddenly I went in to a panic and the hair on the back of my neck stood up, realizing that I would soon be going in to a full opiate withdrawal, my body was dependent on opiates and when there were no drugs I suffered immensely. I had gone through withdrawal before and it was complete hell, hot and cold sweats, nausea, diarrhea, unable to sleep, no appetite and not to mention having the most intense anxiety ever. Looking down at the smoldering fire I thought of any way to get salvage the ashes but I immediately came to terms, quickly I thought of returning back home to stock up again and avoid the pain coming but once again that total empowerment to get clean and live a sober life came over me, I thought about Bradley which kept me strong, I packed my gear and continued on the road to the family ranch. I was about an hour away which gave me time to reflect on my life thus far, how I could have gotten to this point again was beyond me, but I was going to tough it out, I was determined to straighten my life out. As I arrived it was as if I had never left, the aspen trees swayed back and forth, the meadow’s and hill sides covered with fresh mountain grasses, the rugged mountains were full of nature’s life and memories of climbing each and every mountain as a child seemed like it was just yesterday. As I drove down the hill from the gate I came upon the cabin and bunk house which were built by my great grandparent many many years ago. It was here that my childhood was spent falling in love with Mother Nature. The horses that roamed the hillside were galloping down to drink from the fishing hole, the feeling I got while being in these mountains was indescribable; I was home at last and I had not felt this alive in years. I was greeted by my second cousin Sean whose family was already here, I asked him” who all is coming up this summer?” he replied “ nobody that I am aware of, we have to leave in two days to head back for dads job” I was bummed out, looked like I was going to have a lonely summer. After I sat for a min I realized that I was starting to get clammy and have hot and cold sweats, being here had me so excited that I had forgotten that I was starting to go in to withdrawal. The first night was not bad, I fell asleep after about an hour of pitching my tent but day two was no treat! I was in full fledge withdrawal and nothing could take away the agonizing pain I was going through, I tried to keep myself busy but I had absolutely no energy, day three my cousin and his family left, they kept asking me if I wanted to come home with them, I think they could tell that something wasn’t right, I assured them that I was fine and that this is where I needed to be, they worried for me and left me with all of the food that they had brought with them. This would be the first summer I was to spend alone; along with detoxing from the drugs. Over the next few days I went a little stir crazy, nights I did not sleep so I played the banjo, I knew there was nothing that could help except for time, I made myself eat and drink so that it would speed up the process, I had learned that from rehab. I knew that after fifteen days or so I would be back to normal. After five days of the worst withdrawals you can even imagine I decided to go on a fishing trip up the river, I packed some food and a tent and headed up horseshoe canyon. I brought grandpas bobs old colt 45 revolver just in case I ran in to any kind of trouble, I was a hundred miles away from any kind of civilization in all directions, with all kinds of wild life around like bears and mountain lions I wasn’t taking any chances. I traveled about five miles the first day and set up camp under a rocky ledge me and Bradley had camped at before, I felt a sense of security being that we had been in this exact place a number of years back. I would sleep ten minutes here and ten minutes there, every time I woke up I felt like I had been asleep for hours, not the case. Nights where definitely the hardest and it seemed as if this inner pain would never go away, an endless stomach ache. I would ponder about what it would be like if my cousin were here and how I got myself caught up in this predicament, all I could think about was not feeling like this. A few more days past and I was at day ten, I slept for a whole hour after lunch and woke feeling much better than before. I could feel my self-healing and was happy to have hope in my heart. It was day thirteen and I could feel the end nearing, I had been sleeping for longer periods of time as well as getting my appetite back, I thought it was time to head towards the cabin so I took a switch back and jumped the ridge to headed down Preggor’s canyon, somewhere around three miles in to my decent when I saw a small white single engine plane crashed in to the hillside, it must have been there for at least a year being the bushes had grown over the wing, the right side was smashed in to the mountain side and the left wing crippled from a pine tree, I yelled out” hello is anybody there”? Silence was the only this I heard. I began to climb down the hill side to see what I could see, I tapped the side with a walking stick and paused, nothing so I began to climb up and take a look when out of nowhere I heard the roar of a mamma black bear, I jumped back and was startled, the bear started climbing out of plane as I’m sure it was looking for food, it continued to come towards me as I tried to shoe it away, just then I realized I was cornering myself in to some rocks and the only way out was through the bear, she charged at me roaring like a monster, and I got behind a huge rock, I reached for my revolver but it was packed away in my back pack, she tried to claw at me but I dodged the first round, she swiped again ripping through my clothes with her razor sharp claws, she had struck blood. She charged at me again as I ducked and punched her square in the nose, she was flustered just enough for me to get my colt 45 out, by now I had royally pissed her off, as she came at me with full force I held the revolver with both hands and pulled the trigger, the nozzle of the gun was practically in her mouth when it went off, she dropped immediately and I sighed with relief, that was the most scared I had ever been. After gathering myself I returned to the crippled plane finding a couple skeleton still in their chairs, it must have been winter when they crashed based on the amount of rust and that if either of them survived the crash they would have frozen to death that following night. As I looked around for supplies I realized that this was no ordinary plan, it was a drug smuggling plane, I said to myself “you have got to be kidding me, here I am struggling to get clean out in the middle of nowhere and I find a wrecked plane filled with bundles of cocaine and heroin in it” I camped there that night trying to decided what to do, I fought my inner demon hour after hour, there must have been at least a million dollars street value here still in this plane, as I went to sleep that night I dreamt about my cousin Bradley, I dreamt that he was there with me and that there was no question to what we were going to do the next morning. I woke up with the sun blaring me straight in the face, I looked around as if I Bradley was sleeping next to me, that dream was so real I couldn’t believe it, as I got my things together all I could think about was my cousin, I stood up to put my pack on and I looked straight at a sealed bundle of heroin, my mind was made up I was going to hike down and drive to the local authorities. Once I got to the cabin I immediately got in my truck and drove in to Casper Wyoming. While making the three hour drive I realized that I have gone through my withdrawals full circle and was so determined to do the right thing that I never thought about how I felt, I realized that I was being the selfish one by making the choices I had made, and that my family were the ones suffering because of me. Once I arrived at the station I told them I would take them to the crash site, we searched the map and zeroed in on the whereabouts of the wreckage. Just before we left in the helicopter I asked if I could call my dad. I told my father about everything and how sorry I was for tearing us apart. I told him all about my dreams with Bradly and how real they were, He was so very proud that I was his son and that I was able to do the right thing and alert the authorities. Later on the news reporters did a story on me and I am proud to say that still to this day I live a clean and sober life. Thanks to Bradley for always looking down on me!
In loving Memory of Bradly Waters