Free Essay

The Rules of Life

In:

Submitted By natnatnat
Words 514
Pages 3
36 rules of life
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

1 4. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.

27. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.

36. Your friends love you anyway

Similar Documents

Premium Essay

Legititiize Louis Rule In Einhard's Life Of Charlemagne

...Einhard used the Life of Charlemagne to legitimize the rule of Louis the Pious by establishing and transferring the legitimacy of his father Charlemagne’s rule. Einhard stated that his two reasons for writing this biography were to share the “splendid life” of the king (136) and to honor his relationship with Charles and his children (136). This almost certainly included a relationship with Louis since he was the clear heir to the throne for several years (145). This relationship and Einhard’s previous position on Louis’ court likely brought him to write this biography as a tool to honor his deceased friend while serving the political goal of legitimizing Louis’ rule. Einhard accomplished this goal by legitimizing Charlemagne’s rise to power, using Charles’ deeds to justify his own reign, and transferring this legitimacy to Louis through a clear line of succession....

Words: 978 - Pages: 4

Premium Essay

12 Rules For Life An Antidote To Chaos Analysis

...Universally, man struggles to reconcile his views and beliefs with his surrounding environment. Influenced for one reason or another by prominent figures (good or bad) and by the depth and abundance of stories that have been collected over vast periods of time, man is capable of deriving a method of being which provides him with the most suitable life. But keep in mind that just because man is capable of choosing the right way to live, he does not always choose the path of goodness. In “12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos”, Jordan Peterson discusses the yin/yang symbol and how the Taoists derived meaning from the border of these two. “To walk the border is to stay on the path of life, the divine way.” It’s common knowledge that young men usually carry with them an...

Words: 573 - Pages: 3

Premium Essay

The Society of Jesus

...McAFEE SCHOOL OF THEOLOGY “RULE OF LIFE” A PAPER SUBMITTED TO DR. DENISE MASSEY IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR SPIRITUAL FORMATION: THSP 501 MASTER OF DIVINITY BY JOHN WATSON ATLANTA, GA DECEMBER 2013 At the beginning of the course we were told that we had to put together a paper that would be entitled “The Rule of Life”. At the very outset of hearing this, my mind began to wonder what in the world that is about. I didn’t really understand the concept or began to understand the concept until I had the opportunity to experience the retreat at camp Pinnacle. This opportunity to go hiking was an experience that truly changed my life and how I spend time with Christ. It also helped me understand the importance of creating and implementing rules in my life that would be beneficial to my ultimate growth while at seminary. Now I understand that the “Rule of Life” assignment is more than just an assignment but actually a diagram of my plan of action with purpose and meaning behind it. Now as I begin to think about the methodologies and routines that I want to place into my life in order to enhance my spiritual process here at seminary carries a little more meaning than just something to put on paper. I believe that these rules will not only help advance me but also my family. As a married man with two children, it is important that everything I do always reflect the survival of my wife and two kids. As I continue to learn how to be an awesome...

Words: 2676 - Pages: 11

Premium Essay

Bud Not Buddy Research Paper

...The novel, Bud, Not Buddy, is a humorous and inspiring book about an orphaned African American 10-year old boy named Bud who lives in Flint, Michigan during the Great Depression. He decides to try and find his father after his mother’s passing. Bud has his own particular set of rules called "Bud Caldwell's Rules and Things for Having a Funner Life and Making a Better Liar Out of Yourself." These rules teach him how he ought to respond amid various difficult situations. His rules are based on past encounters and apply to specific situations. The rules are used to survive and to thrive. Bud uses his rules mostly to survive from tough situations. The first reason Bud Caldwell uses his rules to survive is when he uses rule #328 to avoid getting...

Words: 491 - Pages: 2

Premium Essay

The Importance Of Life In Ayn Rand's Anthem

...The people in the novel Anthem and the article “Life inside the surreal, cruel, and sheltered North Korea,” have very similar lifestyles. Due to the strict rules, Anthem and North Korean citizens live an extremely cloistered life. These rules dictate, what society is taught, as the right way to live which has the citizens living in fear. There are strict rules is each society that cause people to be cloistered. Citizens are not aware of the world around them. One reason is they are not allowed to interact outside of their social class. In Anthem, there are strict rules about where a person may go and who they may talk to. Also, they do not make time for any advancements such as technology and transportation. This causes people living in these societies to seem isolated from other places in the world. There are similar rules in North Korea. Most people cannot leave North Korea because it is extremely difficult to or is prohibited completely. Few people have cell phones and still, there is no access to the Internet. In Anthem’s society they do not have time for and frown upon new advancements and discoveries. A standard day in Anthem’s society and in North Korea is very routine and does not account for any free time....

Words: 488 - Pages: 2

Premium Essay

Mr. Ahmed

...to all rational people. Values expressed in our thoughts, feelings, action, and perceptions. It is a quality of a thing which makes it desirable, useful, or an objective interest. It assesses the worth of something. Moral refers to the individual conduct itself, conform the accepted what is considered right pertaining to the manner in which one behaves in relationship with the others. Immoral refers to something that is contrary to moral Amoral is without morals, an individual taking an action without any consider to commitment to moral or social concept of good or bad. Evil is the idea that sad things happen to people and people do bad things. Etiquette: rules of behavior nothing to do with moral or ethics/ violating the social system, and it is a code of behavior of a society. Law is a rule or a body of rules established by the authority, society or custom. Laws are supposed to reflect morality. Value judgment: assess or work on something Intrinsic value is a value of a thing for its own sake, value for itself. Extrinsic Value: a value of a thing because it is a means for something else, Ex, for a show, low level value. Normative ethics, typical, average, investigating moral theory, in attempt to establish moral principle Deontological the morality of an action depends on...

Words: 2159 - Pages: 9

Premium Essay

The Levels of Ethical Authority

...The Levels of Ethical Authority As Christians, we wonder where we should go for guidance on ethics. Stassen and Gushee in Chapter 4 take a look back at the story of the Jewish family and the holocaust. The situation was whether or not it was ethical to hide Jews during the Holocaust. The family’s strong beliefs in Christian faith and morals make this family’s actions ethical in this situation. During this period, Christians looked to their faith to help them make decisions concerning helping the Jewish people. Christians look toward five sources of authority. They are the “Bible”, “divine guidance”, “a religiously informed moral conscience”, “moral tradition”, and “church leaders” (Stassen & Gushee, 2003, p. 82). There are other sources that some turn to for guidance; examples are relatives, a husband or wife, educators, and companions. The essential point is individuals have a tendency to search for direction when they confront moral predicaments (Stassen & Gushee, 2003). This is done instinctively. When we do not know where to turn in ethical dilemmas, the one person we can look towards is Jesus. We need to look at where Jesus turned when he looked for answers. His answers came from the Bible. “Jesus lived what he understood the scriptures to teach; he immersed himself in them and knew them well” (Stassen & Gushee, 2003, p. 84). Christians must remember it is important that we must look toward the Scriptures as the authority on our ethical decisions. The...

Words: 2550 - Pages: 11

Premium Essay

Examples Of Cognitive Dissonance Theory

...Rule: Floss, brush, and rinse your teeth twice a day. Rule: Stop eating when you’re full. Rule: Never pay to watch a movie with an IMDb rating lower than 7.5. Rule: Cross off a day on your calendar only after 7:00 PM. Rule: Drink at least 80 oz of water a day. Since middle school, I’ve grappled with anxiety in my social life, academics, and health as my world continued to lose stability and simplicity. The pressure to do well in classes increased in order to get into high school, and then into college. I rejected party invitations, panicked over late assignments, and obsessed over hours, ounces, and calories. Everything I did had to be the right choice, the safe choice. So I created rules for myself in an effort to maintain control wherever...

Words: 644 - Pages: 3

Free Essay

Ethics

...make impossible decisions as to which parent will provide the best life for the children. With these as well as other complexities of life taken into account making decision of custody when the parties involved may not be the biological parents increases the emotional stress for the parent whether biological or not and the child or children involved. As this is a very difficult decision the solution is clear and concise. When looking at the ethics involved they do indeed support the decision rendered by the judge. The rules of the law are clear; custody of the child was given to the foster parents on a temporary basis. The court system never took all parenting rights from the biological parents in a manner where the foster parents were able to legally adopt the child. The care of the child was taken under serve scrutiny by the judge as the child’s biological parents proved that they were rehabilitated and demonstrated the sincere desire to raise their child along with the ability to provide a safe and prosperous life style. The judge was faced to weigh the damage done to the child by removing her from her foster parents and the damage the child may face in her future upon realizing her foster parents aren’t her biological parents. Both the rules based and care based primary schools of ethics share familiarities as well as overall differences in the way rules are applied to the topic dilemma. Rule and care based schools of ethics are similar in that they are based...

Words: 638 - Pages: 3

Free Essay

The Rule of Benedict

...Benedict: The Rule Context The Christian church has taken on a new social structure as a result of the peace of Constantine. The persecution has ceased and the church has become powerful as acceptance is found for the Christian. The church now becomes open to the influence of riches and comfortable living, and the theology of the church conforms taking on a structure like that of the imperial empire. Aristocracy and privilege is accepted within the church, which leads to lack of discipline. This opens the door to division and scrutiny within the church and its believers. The monastic movement comes as a result from this scrutiny. There are those who believe that that the current security and life of comfort are enemies of the church. They leave for the desert where they seek out a way of asceticism. Paul and Anthony were both monks who sought this life in the Egyptian desert, seeking solitude and a place away from the temptations and chaos. Two generations later Benedict, who was born to Roman aristocracy in the small town of Nursia in 480 A. D., is influenced by this same struggle and seeks to live in solitude. At the age of 20 he leaves the city and lives as a hermit for three years in a cave developing a following of people seeking the same discipline and structure. He builds a monastery in Monte Cassino, where they can practice asceticism. Benedict’s rule is his structured framework for the monastic society. His rule proved to not be as harsh as the monks in the...

Words: 939 - Pages: 4

Premium Essay

Obstacles In Life Analysis

...Life is nothing without competition. Whether people admit it or not, everyone wants to be the best. Everyone wants the critical acclaim, fame, or distinguish. Einstein once said "You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” Who wants to lose? No one. Everyone wants to be a winner. Unfortunately, the world isn't full of winners. The world is full of people who learn the rules of the game and then conform themselves with just being good enough instead of being extraordinary. To me, Einstein was preaching that we're all pawns in the game of life and the way we move dictates our success. In my life, Einstein's words have been a private motto. For example, when I was awarded a full ride to UNC everyone accredited it to the fact that I...

Words: 500 - Pages: 2

Free Essay

Insurance Need Analysis

...PGDM-Finance Roll no 258/2014 Calculating how much life insurance you need is one of the most important financial decisions an individual will ever make. It should never be an isolated decision depending only on how much of a premium one can afford. Having said that, there are many ways in which one can determine how much insurance a person need. Some of the most popular methods for calculating insurance needs of an individual are Rule of Thumb In general, a rule of thumb is a simple guideline that can be easily applied to a situation. In terms of determining a need for life insurance, there are some rules of thumb that you might use to calculate a basic amount of insurance coverage for yourself. The rules of thumb are simplistic and do not consider many of the factors used in other methods of insurance-need determination. They are, however, easy to use and will provide a starting point for your insurance-need evaluation. Below are some common rules of thumb for determining amounts of life insurance coverage. a. Income Rule The most basic guideline for determining an insurance requirement is six to eight times your gross annual income. Under this rule, a person earning a gross salary of $60,000 should have between $360,000 and $480,000 of life insurance. Gross Salary x6 x8 $60,000 $360,000 $480,000 $80,000 $480,000 $640,000 $100,000 $600,000 $800,000 b. Income Plus Expenses This rule considers gross annual income along with cash...

Words: 2208 - Pages: 9

Premium Essay

La Malinche's Role In The History Of Latin America

...Trade between the West Indies, Africa, and Europe was introduced. The Columbian Exchange, which was the exchange of plants, animals, diseases and technology with Europe and Native America, was also introduced. Several explorers, were very famous at the time, as they played an important role in the history of Latin America. The social classes at the time was ranked as peninsulares, creoles, mestizos, mulattoes, and native americans, and black slaves. La Malinche established a life for herself in a strict hierarchy through the background information on her life, her being a rule follower, and the global trends of the 1500’s affecting her....

Words: 768 - Pages: 4

Free Essay

The Rule of St. Benedict

...“The Rule of Saint Benedict” The spirit of St. Benedict's Rule is summed up in the motto of the Benedictine Confederation: pax ("peace") and the traditional ora et labora ("pray and work"). According to St. Benedict, these rules are guide for Christians who are committed in the monastic movement but it shouldn’t be viewed as an exclusively legal code though it includes prescriptions for living in a monastery. The Rule actually contains a treasure of spiritual wisdom concerning the monastic movement in the Church. If we practice these rule everyday of our lives then we are most likely living the way God wants us to by then we shall receive the Lord’s promise of eternal life. In the Rule's prologue, Benedict said he intended to prescribe "nothing harsh, nothing burdensome" for his followers. His approach to seeking God was both sensible and humane. For Benedict, a spiritual pathway was not one to be littered with weird and unusual practices; rather, all that is needed is to be faithful to finding God in the ordinary circumstances of daily life. How to prepare oneself for this simple-but not necessarily easy-way of life is the substance of the Rule. Benedict envisioned a balanced life of prayer and work as the ideal. Monastics would spend time in prayer so as to discover why they're working, and would spend time in work so that good order and harmony would prevail in the monastery. Benedictines should not be consumed by work, nor should they spend so much time in prayer...

Words: 500 - Pages: 2

Premium Essay

Island In Lord Of The Flies

...the boys attempt to organize themselves and establish a civilized way of life on the island they elect a chief, named Ralph. Led by Ralph, the boys set rules, hold assemblies and are assigned jobs. However, as their time on the island grows some boys drift farther and farther away from their civilized origin. Eventually, one of the older boys named Jack creates...

Words: 1036 - Pages: 5