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This Story of Mine

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This Story of Mine
It all started when I was in eighth grade weighing 120 pounds and four feet nine inches tall. During my eighth grade year, I dated a guy who was skinny to the bones. He had no fat nor did he have muscles; he was pretty much a stick. On the other hand, I had a chubby round face with wide fat hips; and let’s just say, a bunch of fat hanging in between. I always thought to myself that I wanted to be skinny so I’ll look good standing next to him. He always told me that I was fat and I would look prettier if I was skinny. I starting thinking and finally came to a conclusion. That was, to break up with him and I did; I was a lot happier, stronger, and more confident. But from then on, I kept his words. For someone who didn’t love me for who I truly was, I decided to transform myself into a different person. Later on, I realized that not only is appearance what matters, but it’s what’s inside that matters the most.
When summer began, I started working out every single day and night; I pushed myself really hard for I wanted to look pretty faster. Then, my hard work finally paid off! I lost 20 pounds at the end of my freshman year and weighed 100 pounds with the height of five feet two inches. I was anorexic for three years and never went bulimic; however, I had always thought of becoming bulimic but I was too scared of the causes. I started starving myself, eating less than one meal a day, and drank Special K’s protein drinks. I also exercised every day during the summer time and the times during gym class at school. When I had time, I would sometimes go into the fitness center and work out for an hour or two. I would say I was more anorexic by exercising than starving myself. At the end, I was really proud of myself and was extremely happy. Although I was 100 pounds and was five feet two inches tall, I didn’t look like I weighed 100 pounds; I looked like I weighed 90 pounds or less. I starting looking like I was sick, and I too, was skinny to the bones. My collar bone and ribs were showing when I wore tight clothes; my face became a lot slimmer too. When people complimented me that they could see my ribs showing, I was really happy because I knew I was skinny. I kept my weight the same until the winter of my junior year in high school. During my junior year, I started dating again. Although I didn’t know him well, it felt like we’ve known one another for so long. He was a skinny guy with big arm muscles, broad shoulders, big calve muscles, and so on. Although he looks muscular, he was still skinny, now weighing 140 pounds at the age of 21. He was my “perfect” boyfriend. As we got to know each other more, I asked him if size was a matter in a relationship, and he said he didn’t care if I was fat or skinny, he would still love me for who I am; it was then when everything starting changing. Ever since I met him, I started gaining all my weight back. As of right now, I weigh 130 pounds with the height of five feet three inches. I am really disappointed in myself because all my hard work went to waste. I’ve always had the thought of being anorexic again but it’s really hard because I now eat three times daily and I can barely starve myself. I also want to continue exercising so that my body is in good shape. Since I use all my free time watching Korean dramas and doing homework, I don’t have time to exercise and workout at home. I am also becoming lazier and lazier as the day goes by. I really need to adjust my time management outside of school and live a healthier life. I hope to get my body back in shape and be as happy as I was at the end of my freshman year in high school.

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