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Traits in Coping and Conflict

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Traits in Coping and Conflict
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Traits in Coping and Conflict
The Big Five personality dimensions provide a very broad view of a person's personality. Everyone's personality has the combination of each of the Big Five personality characteristics. Some of the characteristics may be more than another, but still we all carry certain traits. Rentfrow (2014), "A considerable amount of research suggests that personality is stable throughout life and associated with a range of important life outcomes, from academic and occupational success, to marital stability and physical health" (para. 3). My husband and I have been married for ten years. We get along and enjoy each other's company; however, we are complete opposites. I am an extrovert while he is neurotic. Having such extreme opposite trait characteristics can be positive, as well as negative. Let me explain.
Being an extrovert helps me to interact with the outside world while my husband struggles to make eye contact. For example, we went to our friend's BBQ over the summer. While I was enjoying myself and chatting with different people, my husband had a hard time making small talk with anyone, including our own friends. He became very anxious and stressed to the point where we had to leave early. This social outing put him into a depression because he was left feeling insecure and unwanted. His low self-esteem and moodiness only reaffirmed the label of negative affectivity. This trait, my husband strongly carries around, worries me at times. "In a 50-year longitudinal study of 300 married couples, Neuroticism scores of both husbands and wives were a major predictor of divorce” (McAdams, 2008, p. 167). In our earlier years together, I had hopes that this particular trait would dissipate over time. No one likes to see their spouse feeling so sad and helpless. Still, we share happy times together, and this is what keeps my hope alive.
Most would think being an extrovert is a wonderful trait to have while being neurotic is a curse. However, in the workplace, where teamwork is required, it is becoming a very popular choice to choose neuroticism over extraversion. Although an extrovert adds energy and to the team in the beginning, their performance tends to be somewhat disappointing over time. Neurotics try harder to please; therefore, they exceed everyone's expectations and end up being highly effective team members. Anxiety, which can be a fault to many, is actually what drives neurotics to get along well with others and perform well. Extroverts, on the other hand, tend to be poor listeners, impatient, and not good collaborators. Over time, they contribute less to the team and lose status among their peers. It's not to say a team should consist of only neurotics, but a mixture of personality types.
Just because two people are complete opposites, doesn't mean they can't form a strong bond with one another. What one person lacks in a relationship, the other one makes up for and vice versa. Both similar and opposite traits attract and satisfy, but at different times, and in different ways. I have found that my husband and I love each other despite our differences. We help each other through the rough times, and flourish as one during happier times. As humans, we all possess the same five characteristic traits. What makes us unique from one another is how much of each trait, or disposition, we each carry within ourselves.

References:
Rentfrow, J. (2014). PsychCentral. Retrieved from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/11/10/the-big-5-model-of-personality/
McAdams, D.P. (2008). The Person (5th ed.). Retrieved from The University of Phoenix eBook Collection database.

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