You asked me why I was so hesitant to make the decision about what I wanted to do in the fall and I couldn't answer you. Then I thought I've never really been asked. About anything in my life really. I do love my mother I truly do. And I do believe that she did a great job raising us. She always made it known that we could do what we wished we got older. She encouraged us to follow our dreams. But, she never really asked what that was. Now I'm sitting here in this restaurant and you are actually asking question that revolve around me. The only person who has ever asked me what I truly wanted was Alex and now you. I've always been afraid of letting people down so I just find it easier to keep to myself. I feel that people expect me to be this great thing or have this great career when in reality the only thing that I know that I want to be is a mother. But. I'm not one of those stupid girls that goes out and gets pregnant as soon as I leave my mother's house. I know that I need to be able to support my family. So I will finish college even though I don't think that I've ever been more unhappy. It's not that I can't do it. I'm not a stupid girl. School isn't that hard for me. But isn't is terrible when you hate doing the things you're good at? I chose a career that is hands on so that I stay busy and I enjoy helping people. I'm better at dealing with other peoples problems or concerns. I enjoy listening to other people. And so do you. My mother has always been the talker. She was always the other talking. I no she didn't mean to hurt anyones feelings however, when I would call her with something to talk about it always somehow turned into her talking about her issues. I know that she believes that I can take care of myself and she knows that I will be okay. And well I suppose that she is right. Unfortunately, she has turned me into someone who doesn't know how to talk about myself. I feel selfish when I do. Most of the time when people ask me anything about myself it's about school. I don't think that I could ever be so angry when that question comes out of someones mouth. How well someone is or isn't doing in school does not define who they are as a person. Maybe that's why I feel so comfortable around Alex. I don't feel the need to have a bunch of money. And I will support Alex just as he supports me. I hate that the majority of people force children to go to College when they really aren't ready. I'm so ready to move on with my life. I don't want to go to College anymore but, I'm not a quitter. I started something and I plan to finish it. However, I doubt that I will go any farther with my education after I obtain my first degree. I want to work. I want to go out and get a job that I turn into my career. I want to feel proud that I have helped someone. But, I can't be in charge. I have no problem with being told what to do as long as I'm not being walked all over. When things go wrong in my life I freak out and can't stop thinking about how to solve the problem for days. There is no way in hell that I could handle more then one thing coming at me at one time. I know that this is a flaw. I know that it time that I start excepting my flaws and creating a way to work with them. I do want to move to Grand Rapids. Unfortunately for the first couple years I may have to do it in a way that I don't wish. I may have to live with a couple people I really wish that I didn't have to. But, I can't afford it to do it on my own right now. So yes I will be moving in with my brother and his girlfriend. I may hate it but, at least I'm one step closer to where I want to me. And no I will not be attending Grand Valley. I thought that I would enjoy a bigger classroom cause then I wouldn't be excepted to speak so much but I don't. Being someone that hates school I need a smaller class so that my attention doesn't drift. I don't hate school because I hate learning. I hate school because the United States educational system needs a change. We aren't being taught anymore. We are being told and expected to remember.