A Combat Medics Cry for Help

Abstract
In our lives we have experienced either personally, anecdotally or through the media of someone who has committed suicide, and being in the military is no exception. Even those that are trained to save lives can as well fall and never stand again. This paper describes my first experience receiving the dreadful call, one of my Combat Medics whom I will call SGT Medic, had committed suicide. The Soldiers’ cry for help and those who heard but did not listen to the warning signs of suicide.

A Combat Medics Cry for Help
Noncommissioned Officers (NCOs) are the back bone of the United States (U.S.) military. We are responsible for the training and leadership instilled in our Soldiers. This NCO had developed into an effective Combat Medic where his duty was to provide emergency medical treatment until further assisted. He lived his life helping others on and off the battlefield. This paper will provide an overview of an NCO Combat Medic battling his own internal daemons from the Iraq war that took away all that training instilled and the ability to adapt. In addition, this paper will give an example on how no matter the amount of training received, the amount of videos seen, numerous times hearing a Chaplain brief on Suicide Prevention there will come a time the warning signs are evident, and you will not react.

The Call

August 30th, 2015 approximately 19: 30 my husband and I were watching television, and in between commercials reading my emails. My cellphone rang and I recognized the number, one of my NCOs . As I greeted him, his first words to me were “Command Sergeant Major (CSM), I think SGT Medic killed himself”, I responded “how, when did this happen”? The Soldier had been on his Facebook page and had seen many messages of rest in peace, thinking of you, we will miss you. I asked the Soldier if he had called anyone to confirm the information, he informed me he was going to call SGT Medics number as well SGT Medics girlfriend’s cellphone. My heart started to pound harder and question myself if this was true why the hell did he do this? How did he commit suicide? Did he have a gun, did he hang himself, and did he cut himself, where was he, and who found him?
The Soldier returned the call and my worst fears were true, he had committed suicide by inflicting a gunshot wound to his left temple, in his room that morning at 02:00. Now it was on me to inform my Battalion Commander (BN CDR). After informing the BN CDR I quickly alerted the First Sergeant (1SG) and gave the order to activate the alert roster for a wellness check on the Soldiers and as well inform them of the passing of SGT Medic, which possibly many already new if they had him as a friend on Facebook.
A Soldier that I met briefly upon my assignment to the Battalion as CSM this January 15th, 2015. SGT Medic was 32 years old and living with his mother in Ocoee, Fl. SGT Medic had served as a 68W, Combat Medic for 12yrs. He recently returned from deployment in Iraq in 2012 and decided to join the U.S Army Reserves. He was divorced, and father of two daughters the ages of 6 and 8.
Talking to Mom It was Tuesday afternoon when I left work early so I could go home, get prepared, and go visit SGT Medics mother whom I will call “Mom”. All morning in my office I could just think on how I would be standing in front of Mom and not shed a tear. As I drove down the interstate I thought on what drove SGT Medic to do this, did he say anything to anyone at the unit. I arrived at Mom’s resident, there was SGT Medic’s sister smoking outside in company of her sister in-law. They greeted me and took me inside to meet Mom, there she sat on the couch with pictures of SGT Medic on her lap. Mom stood quickly and before I could say a word, she gave me a big hug which she held me tightly in her arms. As Mom and I spoke, she told me “he was battling many daemons since he came back”. SGT Medic was a very cheerful, happy, always joking and caring individual with everyone he knew. When he was at home at night that cheerful, happy individual was the opposite, just like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Mom had described him having difficulty sleeping, nightmares, anxiety, depression, drinking alcohol and abusing sleep medication. SGT Medic had been getting treatment, but Mom mentioned he never told her nor ever mentioned the word “suicide”. SGT Medic had as well been recently divorced, unemployed and had just taken his daughters back to Georgia with their mother after they had spent the summer with him in Florida. Arguments with the ex-wife and girlfriend had been taking place more lately as well. Mom stated; “I regret not letting anyone know at the unit, I was afraid he would get in trouble or he would be thrown out, the Army was his life”. Mom was informed of the protocol to take place, the assignment of a Casualty Assistant Officer (CAO) and due to he had committed suicide an investigating officer would come to visit her. Mom understood and was grateful that all her questions at the moment were answered. Funeral Service September 9th 2015, our last goodbye’s to SGT Medic. So many thoughts came to my mind that morning, once again from asking myself if he had informed anyone at the unit, to making sure funeral detail was conducted correctly. Upon my arrival to the funeral home my main focus was to make sure the U.S Flag was placed correctly and make sure his uniform was squared away. Many family members and friends started to arrive and pay their last respect. As I left outside the funeral home to take a breather the BN CDR did as well but, what an amazing picture to our eyes. There standing in line formation towards the entrance of the funeral home the Patriot Guard. They stood tall and proud in position of attention with the U.S Flag in their hand. My first words where to my BN CDR; ‘Sir, it is our duty and respect to salute each and every one present” he responded “lead the way”, so I did. As I gave each and every hand shake and thanked them for their service and presence, to me it was such a great feeling off honor and respect. There was a moment I found myself standing alone outside and looking at my Soldiers standing tall in their Army Service Uniform (ASU’s), and telling myself “God, give me the strength to be the best CSM I can, to guide them and not lose another soul”. It was time to begin the memorial service, the funeral director came to inform everyone outside. I huddled my Soldiers together and reminded them of the seating arrangements, facing movements and proper hand salute. During the course of the service time came when the Chaplain gave the family members; oldest daughter, sister and grandmother an opportunity to be part of the Eulogy. It was the oldest daughter who made every single person in the funeral home shed a tear. Her words of gratitude towards her father made me feel so proud of knowing that SGT Medic had instilled good morals and values to his daughters, despite his personal issues. The memorial service had concluded, and the pallbearers escorted the casket to the hearse. I was asked by the Chaplain to accompany him in the lead vehicle to the grave site, which was one hour away. The Chaplains’ first word to me in the vehicle was; “how your troops doing, and yourself”? All I could say was; “Chaplain, as long as I am CSM of this Battalion or any other Battalion in the near future I will dedicate more time to my Soldiers”. I did make clear, not that I have not been doing it, but with so many conference calls, meetings, etc., there are times you only see your Soldiers at formations. The Chaplain also had informed me that the Casualty Assistant Officer (CAO) made it possible to get two other flags to present SGT Medics’ daughters. The BN CDR would present the colors to the mother, in addition the Chaplain and I would present the colors to the daughter’s. The first thing that came to my mind was don’t lose it, don’t cry and suck it in. Upon our arrival to the grave site I quickly asked for the pallbearers to make sure everyone was in place. The Chaplain took his place: Prayer, Scripture, Committal Statement, and conclusion of the benediction. Firing of Volleys, sounding of Taps, and folding of the Colors, all was done so quickly. At this moment all I could feel was a cold rush up my spine and my eyes getting tearful behind my sunglasses.

Presenting the Colors The moment I was dreading came. One of the pallbearers stood before me with the colors, in return I rendered saluted. As I walked toward SGT Medics daughter, the Chaplain, and BN CDR walked towards the family member they were to present the colors as well. All I could remember as I kneeled to present the colors to a 6 year old girl who had no idea why she was getting the flag and for sure no idea of the truth on how daddy died. As I kneeled she said “I want a flag too, can I get one? I knew if I said the correct words while presenting the colors she would not understand me. At this moment my words to her were; “I am giving you daddy’s flag, he wanted you to have it so you could remember him when you feel lonely, as you hug this flag you will be hugging daddy”. The Chaplain was next to me, as he heard my words he choked and tears came down. I stood, saluted and walked away, from there on I could not hold my tears. As the ceremony concluded the family members asked everyone present to please join them in a short gathering to remember SGT Medic.

Coming forward at the Veterans of Foreign War Shortly after the funeral we arrived at the Veterans of Foreign War (VFW) location. This was a time for all who knew SGT Medic to share stories, eat and decompress. The family members dearly appreciated everyone’s presence. SGT Medics mother and sister where presented with flowers, each daughter was presented with big white teddy bears which they loved and hugged that afternoon. During this time I found myself discreetly talking to every single one of my Soldiers and asking them “are you ok, whenever you need to talk we can talk offline, I am here for you”. To my surprise three Soldiers came forward and informed me that they would never have had thought he would commit suicide despite of the many times he mentioned it when joking around. My reaction was why didn’t they come forward and say something, how could they keep this from the Command. Help could have been provided with the BN CDR being a Doctor and myself a Psychiatric Nurse. Now the focus was to make these Soldiers not become overwhelmed with the feelings of guilt for not coming forward.
All I could think about was not going thru this again, and enforcing the “A” from the Ask, Care, Escort (ACE) model. How to get their attention so they can learn something from this experience, if they learned from their behavior, it would be less likely to be done again in the future. Time came to an end, everyone was saying goodbye to the family members and to each other as well. Once outside the establishment I made sure everyone had exchanged phone numbers to call and make sure there buddy made it home safely, at this moment all I could do was pray that all my Soldiers made it home safe.

Conclusion As I reflect on this experience I ask myself with SGT Medic making the statement of suicide why didn’t anyone say anything? With all the training of Suicide Prevention we have to comply every year, didn’t anyone pick up on the red flags? Just because your buddy states in a joking matter he has thought of killing himself but he or she would never do it, you should never let it go by. You may think the person “has it all together and is in control” it doesn’t mean that person will never try to commit suicide. We as leaders have to take the time to know our Soldiers, not only by name and rank, but as an individual. It is our duty to assure them that they will be provided guidance an assistance when in need, and it will not be held against them, seeking help is a sign of strength not of weakness. This makes it especially important for all of us to be alert to the signs and symptoms of depression, we have to get rid of the stigma attached to mental health problems. If we gave ourselves the time to know our Soldiers, and gave them the confidence to come forward, how many lives could we possibly save to committing suicide? I have started to make time and you?