Spanking your Children, Is it okay?

Every parent out there knows that a child will always misbehave. It may not be some drastic life changing wrong they will commit, but it is something they were taught is wrong. The question now isn't how to prevent this from happening, but what to do once they have done it? Most parents want to sit down and talk to their child about what they did wrong, and believe that a stern punishment is out of the question. So when, and if, is it possible to spank your children? I think when the situation is something the child needs to learn, or continues to repeat without learning, than yes a spanking is needed.

Most parents will tell you they don’t ever want to be physical when it comes to punishing their child, which in some degree, is respectable. Let me ask you this however, how long before your kid learns to pretend to agree with what you are lecturing them on, or finds that they can ignore you? What about when they learn that if just saying sorry is all it takes for someone to stop lecturing them, and it becomes a new catchphrase to them? Are they really being disciplined and learning a lesson, or just finding a scape goat?

Now I am not saying that every lesson needs to be taught through an aggressive way. Clearly there needs to be a balance between stern punishment and gentle punishment as it helps the child learn the difference from serious and minor wrongs. Now this can get tricky if the household has either one, or two parents. If living in a single parent home, it is easy to have the child respect the single parent as both the strict, and the gentle rule keeper. Now living in a two parent home, the parents have to make sure to be both stern and gentle. One parent may be preferable towards the other, but can't dabble in it too much as it teaches the child one parent may be more lenient towards certain rules.

Now, the next thing that probably comes to your mind is, well isn't that abuse? Punishing your child with a stern smack or two on the behind is not abuse. Now if your taking your kid out back and wailing on their behind till they can't walk, than yes that is abuse. There is a bold line between punishment and abuse, and knowing that line is very important. You want to instill fear and teach a lesson when having to result to spanking as a punishment, but you don't want to physically wound the child crippling them in the pursuit to teach your lesson. Best advice I can offer is, if you wouldn't slap your self that hard, you shouldn’t spank a child that hard.

Well what do I mean by spanking exactly? I am talking about an open palm slap to the behind. Some parents are prone to belts, and wooden spoons, and any other convenient kitchen object. Personally I think in the case of some mothers, not necessarily all, it is needed to measure up to the level of sternness a father would use, but I do not recommend it as it can also be used to harshly and be more counter productive than anything. I am not intending this comment to belittle woman in any way, but most children who come from two parent homes, will tell you their father scares them the most when it comes to punishment.

So now you have to think, when is it appropriate to spank your child. I would not recommend in public, to you it may be a justified well deserved punishment, but to someone else who may not share your just views in punishment this may be seem as uncalled for. If the situation calls for it as it may be seen as a last resort for a lesson your child well knows at home but is trying to abuse the fact they are in public, by all means, I encourage you. Generally it is most recommended to do in your own home, as their will be no misjudgment, and this is also the most likely place misbehaving is going to occur. Now what if they have friends over, is it okay to spank them in front of friends? By all means that may be the best time.

Sometimes another part to spanking as a form of punishment, is humiliation and embarrassment. If a kids friends have to watch him or her get a spanking, they are going to be that much more discouraged to repeat an offense like this again. Children can be more cruel than any adult, and that is something to keep in mind. No that does not mean save all your child’s punishments for when their friends are over, but don't make any exceptions either. Part of this however, is the way in which you approach administering the spankings

Almost every parent has their own personal custom way of going about punishing their children, especially spankings. Some parents will turn around and spank the child the second they catch the child misbehaving, others will call the kid over than spank them like as if by surprise. Personally I think both of these are ineffective as you will either cause your child to always be prepared and able to try and dodge and escape it. As well as you may have inverse effects that your child is scared to stand within proximity to you as every interaction that involved that close was a surprise spanking. I believe the most suited is requesting the child to bend over on a table or the parents knee.

This may be completely embarrassing for the child, but it makes them know exactly when it is coming, and offers them no chance to refuse the punishment. It may be seen as unjust, but you have to remember you are only trying to teach the child this lesson once, your not intending to do this once a day. You want to save this form of punishment for a lesson the child refuses to learn any other way. If this punishment doesn't work the first time, it is understandable to spank them again for every recurrence of the wrong doing, but don't think this solves every wrong doing a child may make.

Trying and space out the spankings, as a kid may attempt the same wrong doing more than once in a day, and continuously spanking them isn't going to solve anything. If it happens two or three times in a day than yes all three times it would be appropriate to spank the child. If you have to administer multiple spankings in a day, keep in mind that you have already spanked this child previously and your not trying to severally harm them. Try not to aim for the same spot and if you have to, try and be more gentle this time around but stern enough to teach the lesson. Learn to know when the child is crying or upset because they don't want to be punished, and when the child is actually in serious pain.

Punishing your child should not be enjoyable. You may be proud your child is learning a lesson, and that your being a good parent, but you should never enjoy it. If you take pleasure out of either physically or verbally punishing your child than it crosses that line into abuse. You should feel as bad as they do for having to spank or punish them in anyway. But don't let them know this is how you feel or they won't take the punishment seriously. They have to believe that your are upset with what they did and that it was a serious wrong that can not be repeated.

Well what about having another family member spank your child, or even a babysitter? This is where the line has to be given to the child's parent. Some parents are okay with maybe a grandmother or grandfather spanking their children, because well, that's who taught them that spanking is an okay punishment. As far as a babysitter or other family member, I can not say I personally agree as that is an intimate part of your child’s life that shouldn’t be taken likely. Sometimes this can be warped to work a little however, since though this may be an intimate part of your child's life, the child has to respect and have an appreciation for the person spanking them if the lesson is to be learned.

Sometimes if the age difference is large enough an older sibling can fit this role. Sometimes an aunt or uncle will do as well just because the child looks up to them, so any form of disapproving or dissatisfaction from this idol would be a devastating effect. As I stated before this is something the has to really rest on the shoulders of the parent as this is their child. You should keep that in mind however if you do spank your child, that doesn't mean its okay to spank another persons child if he or she misbehaves, even if you think you would be okay with it if it was to happen to your child.

Punishing children is an important part of their development and should be given great thought and consideration when raising one. A child will reflect what they learn from the parents, and just like a ball of clay will shape into what you shape them through your teachings and rules, as well as the punishments needed to enforce such rules. So what is okay and what is not okay for punishing children? I say a stern talking should always be your first approach and do what you can hoping the child while listen. If it gets to become more of a problem I have to say spanking is okay, when the wrong doing is severe enough to deserve such a punishment or the child refuses to be punished any other way. In the end it's up to you, how far do you think you need to go to guarantee your child learns what you are trying to teach them?