Our first track is Soma, by the smashing pumpkins. What starts out as an eerie lull eventually plunges into a heartbreak-laden song of resentment and escape from a painful relationship. As the song progresses, the solitude the singer experiences in the midst of conflict parallels with my early life. My mother was always off. Over-emotional, high strung, and worried constantly. She clung to me and my sister for dear life, protecting us from imagined evils and outside influence. We were pristine and innocent, meant to be protected, and always well taken care of. Me and my sister had different fathers, mine laid back and easygoing, hers charismatic and eccentric. But both of them clashed with my mother to the extreme. She constantly wanted us to be taken away from our fathers, who didn’t do anything wrong, but were simply caught up in her erratic (and ruling) decision. I never knew it at the time, but my mother had Borderline Personality Disorder. Some times were easier …show more content…
She kept repeating that we were leaving, but my dad was having none of it. He scooped me up and rushed out of the room. And then there was screaming. My mother tried to pry me from his arms; I had never seen this side of her. I was terrified. As my father rushed out of the house, clutching my small form, my mother clambered after him, hysteric and out for blood. He rushed me into the car, and as he was buckling me into my car seat, she was still screaming. And then she hit, scratched, battered. I was terrified, screaming. And then we were driving away from my house in the country, I was still crying, and my dad had a scratch on his face. This was the day I started to see my mother differently. Everytime she hugged me I flinched. I wanted to forget about her. Forget about my mom, her mental illness. And so for years, we didn't talk, and rarely visited. We went through the process of family court, and eventually I stayed full time with my