Committed

As Grandma lay in the newly delivered hospital bed, Jessica sat to her right in the big comfy arm chair. I sat to the left of her in an old wooden kitchen chair with barely any cushion at all. “It’s funny how time changes things,” Jessica said as she rubbed Grandma’s hand. “I can remember when my mom was in the hospital, Grandma would sit there for hours holding her hand. Telling her to wake up.” By now tears where rolling down both our faces. Jessica looked up at me with the biggest brown eyes; I used to have to turn away from those eyes when I tried to correct her as a little girl. Jessica is thirteen years younger than me and I used to baby sit her and her little brother. “You know, Kristie, I can remember when you used to keep Bryan and me,” she said as I swabbed the moist sponge over Grandma’s lips again. “You used to read stories to us and point to the words with your long skinny fingers. Now looking at Grandma’s hands and comparing them to yours, you have her hands.” “I know, Jessica,” was all I could say as we started pulling back Grandma’s covers to see if her diaper needed to be changed. “Funny how, I can’t ever remember Grandma changing a diaper,” I said as I turned to look at Jessica. We both had that look of trying to remember ever seeing that image. “I do remember her always singing…Stinky, Stinky, use your pinky,” I sang out. We both started giggling, and noticed Grandma’s feet were moving. Excitedly we removed the covers off her feet. Jessica grabbed her cell phone to record them moving, and joined me on another round of Stinky, Stinky, use your pinky. We did this four or five times until her feet stopped moving. After playing back the video a couple times we finished changing Grandma and walked to the kitchen to make more coffee. “I can’t believe you remember that,” Jessica said as she poured water into the coffee pot.
“Well, being one of the oldest Grandchildren, it wasn’t hard.” I told her as I reached to get the coffee down from the top shelf. “You forget I was thirteen when you and my brother were born, and by then Beverly, the oldest grandchild, was married and adding great grandchildren to the mix.” As I put the coffee into the coffee maker, I turned to Jessica. “The baby making hasn’t stopped since.” We both started laughing. Eleven grandchildren, twenty-five great-grandchildren and ten great-great grandchildren, and growing. Heading back into the bedroom I heard a noise in the living room. “Jessica, I’ll be back in a minute; I’m going to check on my Mom and Jean,” I said as I headed down the hall way. My Aunt Jean, Moms’ oldest sister was asleep in the den, the closest room to Grandma’s. As I made my way to the big living room, I noticed my mom tossing and turning on the sofa, not sleeping so well. “How’s Momma? Is something wrong?” she asked, sitting straight up as I bumped my knee on the coffee table next to her. “No, Momma nothing’s wrong. Why don’t you go into the spare bedroom and stretch out in the bed?” I tried to reassure her. “That room’s too far away from her! I won’t be able to hear.” She started tearing up. “Momma, your eyes and ears are right here.” I pointed to mine. “If anything comes up, you’ll be the first to know. Now get some rest.” Once I had her settled and she was back to sleep, I tiptoed back to Grandma’s room. “This is so hard,” I said to Jessica “She’s always been the caregiver and cook. Now seeing her bruised up from her fall, fragile and pale, I just can’t believe it’s all happening so fast.” I stepped back around the end of Grandma’s bed and sat back in the hard ass wooden chair. Every other hour we were either giving her a dose of morphine or a pill for anxiety. It just didn’t seem right. A few hours later, around five thirty am, my cousin’s wife Linda came by. “Are you two ok?” she asked as she handed both of us a freshly made sausage and cheese biscuit. “I cooked these this morning, haven’t been able to sleep either,” she said as she stepped into Grandma’s room. “I couldn’t find a substitute for my third graders today and I have to make sure they all get on the bus for their over-night trip. My assistant teacher is going on the trip with them, so I can be here.” She stated pacing back and forth, full of nervous energy. She left about fifteen minutes later.
Around six-thirty am, it was time to give Grandma another dose of morphine. As I was preparing the syringe, Jessica popped her head into the kitchen. “Kristie, I think you need to come here.” I could feel the nervousness in her voice. With the syringe still in my hand and all kinds of thoughts running through my mind, I followed her back into the bedroom. “Her pulse rate has dropped to forty-forty beats per minute, and her breathing has slowed down from one breath every four to six seconds to one every eight to ten seconds.” Jessica was nervously pacing between the dresser and doorway. “Calm down. Eric told us this would happen. That’s why he had us monitoring it every thirty minutes.” I was falling apart on the inside, “Not on my watch” was all I could think. I continued to fill the syringe with the morphine. I reassured Jessica that it was ok and gave Grandma the medicine. Afterward I stepped outside for a much needed cigarette and to call my brother. He answered on the second ring. “Hey, what’s wrong?” “Nothing major, Jessica is a little panicky. She checked Grandma’s pulse and breathing and it’s starting to drop just as you said it would.” I tried to sound not so worried and reassuring so he wouldn’t feel the need to rush right over. In his sleepy voice he said, “There’s nothing you can do. My alarm goes off in three minutes. I’ve got to get Emeri and Alyssa on the bus. Then I’ve got to take Ainsley to my mother in-law’s house and then I’ll be out there.” His voice was calming to me. Although he’s thirteen years younger than I am, I still look to him for comfort. Eric has been an EMT with Chatham County for ten years and his wife April is a registered nurse with Duke Hospital. The two of them, and their knowledge helped me relax for the time being. As I turned to walk back into the house I heard a crashing noise. I jerked open the big aluminum screen door and found my Aunt Jean standing in the middle of the kitchen floor, tears rolling down her cheeks, her eyes red and puffy from lack of sleep. “What’s wrong?” I asked as I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her. “Jessica said that Mom’s heart rate and breathing were dropping.” This was all I could make out through the uncontrollable sobs. “I’ve already lost my dad, brother, daughter and grandchild. I don’t won’t too lose her so soon.” I wrapped my arms tighter around her trying to take the pain from her. “It did drop, but I just got off the phone with Eric and he’s on his way.” I kept rubbing her back to comfort her. “We can go check it again, if it makes you feel better.”
“Yes, that would be nice.” Giggling through her sobs, she blurted out “Who’s gonna clean up this mess?” I started laughing myself, as Jessica walked through the kitchen door.
“Who made this mess in my floor?” she said in her best Grandma voice. “I can’t sleep for five minutes without someone making a mess! Sweep, dust, and mop are the only exercise I get anymore.”
By this time sleep deprivation had kicked in on all of us, and we all started laughing hysterically when the front door opened. I looked up and Jean’s oldest son Dale was coming through the door way all six foot of him looking at us like we had lost our minds or something.
“I take it every things ok,” He said with a slight grin.
Trying to control my laughing and wiping tears off my cheeks I replied “No”.
“No! What do you mean no? What the hell’s wrong with the three of you, standing there like you’ve all lost your damn minds laughing hysterically?” He yelled as he pushed past us and took off to Grandma’s room.
Jessica, Jean, and I started giggling again and cleaning up the spilled coffee. “He’s gonna have us committed,” Jessica said as she reached for the mop.
A few minutes later and with a clean floor, Dale came back into the kitchen with a puzzled look on his face. “Why did you tell me everything wasn’t ok? I just checked her pulse and it’s around 84 beats per minute and she’s taking a breath every four to five seconds.” I could feel the confusion in his voice and see it on his face. The three of us turned to each other and breathed a sigh of relief.
“We need sleep!” We sounded like a church choir we were so in unison together. After I explained to Dale what had gone on in the last hour, he decided to join us at the table for some freshly brewed coffee.
“I’m calling Dorethea on ya’ll,” he said as he took a sip of his coffee.
“Dorethea who?” my aunt asked.
“Dorethea Dix!” he exclaimed as he scrambled out of his chair to dodge the hand that was coming for him. It took my aunt a minute to catch the joke and she was trying to smack him on the arm.
“I don’t think Dorethea Dix Mental Hospital has enough beds for this family,” Jessica replied “Besides they closed down several years ago.”