Critique of Essay 4 by Ben Hunt

After reading the submitted draft essay by Ben Hunt I had a fair sense of his views on censorship. Hunt believes that censoring televised violent or obscene programming, such as teenagers killing teenagers and pornography, should be the job of the parents and not the government. He continues that all of the negativity is just an overreaction on the public’s part. However, even though the topic is very interesting, the writer does not offer enough material to form an opinion at this point. Hunt begins by stating certain events cause heightened reactions from the public, such as Janet Jackson’s performance during the Super Bowl game half time a few years ago. He points out that everyone reacts differently to violence, but to censor everyone is not really the solution, he would argue. Moreover, Hunt argues that it is the parents’ job to censor what their teenagers experience in life. For example, monitoring what they view on television, listen to as music and experience overall on a daily basis. During the introduction of the second paragraph, Hunt describes the effects of incidents mentioned earlier. These incidents tend to quickly get the “…FCC and conservative interest groups” involved in the issue. Moreover, Hunt said it best by saying, “It seems that groups such as these feel an obligation to defend against what they feel disrupts pure American value.” (Hunt 1) Hunt contends that everyone should have the right to watch, listen and experience anything they see fit to without the control of a separate entity. Additionally, Hunt believes that all Americans should have the right to raise their child any the way they see fit. That includes being able to take in anything. My first suggestion would be to provide resources to legitimatize the argument. Where are they and how do the resources link to the topic? It would probably be a good idea to let the reader know why these resources have the authority to discuss this topic. The next suggestion would be to discuss the topic more in depth or be more descriptive, as what should be subject to censorship and what should not? Draw the in reader by persuading them to your side of the fence. That would make all your ideas flow for the reader. Finally, there is the smaller matter of mechanics and MLA formatting. On this topic, I have only a few suggestions. In order to make the paper easier to reference, it would benefit the paper to add page numbers in the essay. MLA formatting dictates that the writer put the page number on the top right hand corner of every page except the first. Then you will need to add a “Works Cited” page as your last page of the essay. Our English 101 instructor, Mrs. Roper, has provided the class with samples of the works cited pages, so I strongly urge the writer to refer to them for guidance. Other than these suggestions, I think the writer has done a fairly good job beginning the argument essay.