...5.3 Audience Relationship: Emphasize the Positive Revise these sentences to be positive rather than negative. • a. To avoid damage to your credit rating, please remit payment within 10 days. • b. We don’t offer refunds on returned merchandise that is soiled. • c. Because we are temporarily out of Baby Cry dolls, we won’t be able to ship your order for 10 days. • d. You failed to specify the color of the blouse that you ordered. • e. You should have realized that waterbeds will freeze in unheated houses during winter. Therefore, our guarantee does not cover the valve damage, and you must pay the $9.50 valve-replacement fee (plus postage). 5.5 Audience Relationship: Bias-Free Language Rewrite each of the following to eliminate bias: • a. For an Indian, Maggie certainly is outgoing. • b. He needs a wheelchair, but he doesn’t let his handicap affect his job performance. • c. A pilot must have the ability to stay calm under pressure, and then he must be trained to cope with any problem that arises. • d. Candidate Renata Parsons, married and the mother of a teenager, will attend the debate. • e. Senior citizen Sam Nugent is still an active salesman. 5.10 Message Composition: Selecting Words As you rewrite these sentences, replace the clichés and buzzwords with plain language (if you don’t recognize any of these terms, you can find definitions online): • a. Being a jack-of-all-trades, Dave worked well in his new general manager job. • b. Moving...
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