Edwin Friedman’s A Failure of Nerve Review
Sarah Jo Gomez- Lorraine
CMLE 601
Dr. Sarah Drummond

Who wants to lead this committee? Often this results in silent. Perhaps there will be the one among many who raises their hands after a deep breath and reluctantly says, “I’ll do it.” Edwin Friedman’s A Failure of Nerve seem to be answer the question posed by Sheryl Crow, “If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad? “ If God is good all the time, all the time God is good then why are so many congregations unhappy? The answer is the lack of leadership. Great leadership in Ministry allows the children of God to feel safe as they figuratively pass through the Red Sea of their lives to the dry ground that God has promised them. The Israelites needed Moses. Our congregations need us. They need us to lead by focusing on the “…leaders presence and being, not technique and know-how.” Every child of God has a purpose placed on their lives, leadership in Ministry is important in order for the will of God to move forward through God’s children.
In this module I was educated about characteristics of great leadership. The topics that left the biggest impression on me are the ideas of self-differentiating, equanimity and how to reframe the question. In the military there is a common mantra whispered among females, “ Don’t let them see you cry. “ Trying to suppress emotions seems to be a sure fire way of gaining emotional momentum of the feelings that are coming up in an already anxious environment. However, in class I realized the importance of equanimity. Instead of viewing a calm presence as a way of suppressing emotions and denying authenticity of one’s self, this can be viewed as a gift. I believe my genuine self and call is to serve God’s people and allowing myself to be calm during a time of heightened emotions truly allows those I am serving to open up and be served. With a calm presence I am better able to show them that perhaps their situation might need a different perspective or in other words, how can we reframe the question? A great take away from this module is to focus on my hipbones in my seat. Coming into a situation with a calm presence will help me not light the match in the room filled with fumes, as Friedman describes. As a leader it will be my responsibility to reframe the question as to who will open the window to disperse the fumes instead of lighting the match.
In the readings I find humor that Chapter Three tells us we have too much data that is not relevant or useful, but Friedman still asks us to journey with his data for an additional five chapters. Did Friedman just prank us? This observation struck me funny. Failure of Nerve covers so many points that I agree with and strive to incorporate in my leadership style. However, for the space allotted in this reflection I will focus primarily on what shocked me, “The Fallacy of Empathy.” Friedman states, “ …it is rarely been my experience that being sensitive to others will enable those ‘others’ to be more self-aware…or that appreciating the plight of others will make them more responsible for their being, their condition, or their destiny.” He goes on to essentially say that empathy will cause the flu. The Saboteurs, those who suck the empathy out of us, are like viruses that latch onto to healthy cells and destroy them, such as through triangulation. As leaders we must help identify these Saboteurs, those in our communities that always find a reason to complain, and isolate them from the healthy cells, those who are trying to build healthy communities. The most important cell we must protect is ourselves, the ministerial leader. If we get sick, we will no longer be able to possess a calm presence and eventually our faith communities will become infected as well. Therefore, it is not our primary function as ministerial leaders to make people feel good. This perspective is contrary to my understanding of being pastoral, but again Friedman reframes the question, “ How can we be most in service of those we are called to lead?”
In my experience a common issue is the problem of identifying the true leader because the system is sick. Is the position of leadership established by a title one possesses or by the real ability to lead? I have seen this in academia, churches and the military. The military provides examples of amazing leadership and scared leadership. The higher one moves in the ranking structure seems to diminish their ability to be adventurous in their leadership, because they are scared. However, because they have a title established with their rank they are deemed leaders. Yet, my greatest example of leadership was my First Class Petty Officer who challenged a Lieutenant Commander, a seven rank difference, on my behalf. This Petty Officer faced multiple negative repercussions and proved to be the leader in this situation, while the rank of the Lieutenant Commander ultimately was viewed as the leader. I have visited churches in which the moderator seems to be the leader of a congregation as opposed to the Reverend and it appears to be viewed as disrespectful to the Reverend, even though the United Church of Christ polity is set up for the congregation to lead. I do not have the answer to this situation and while it is my experience I also find I must do further reflection upon the establishment of leadership.
This module has left me to further reflect upon where I must focus to incorporate the combination of self-differentiating, equanimity and to reframe the question. The first is to reflect and identity my emotional triggers. A male soldier in front of twenty other soldiers has called me a bitch and I was not emotional at all. In fact, I could see his frustration. However, when my wife and I are followed out to our car after a church service this summer to be told how sinful we are I was sucked in emotionally. As a leader in both Christian and LGBT ministry in the military I have to do this reflection or I will not be an effective leader. If I do not identify theses emotional triggers I will continue to be emotionally sucked in. The byproduct of this is I will not be able to lead effectively, thus not fulfilling the call in which God has placed on my life to move God’s kingdom forward.

Works Cited
Crow, Sheryl. ""If It Makes You Happy" lyrics." SHERYL CROW LYRICS. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sherylcrow/ifitmakesyouhappy.html (accessed October 21, 2014).

Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. (New York: Seabury Books, 2007.) Kindle Edition.

Drummond, Sarah. "The Challenge of Leadership." Class lecture, Ministry as a
Profession from Andover Newton Theological School, Newton Centre, October 17, 2014.

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[ 1 ]. Crow, Sheryl. ""If It Makes You Happy" lyrics." Sheryl Crow Lyrics. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sherylcrow/ifitmakesyouhappy.html (accessed October 21, 2014).
[ 2 ]. Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. (New York: Seabury Books, 2007.) Kindle Edition, location 386.
[ 3 ]. The Challenge of Leadership, October 17, 2014.
[ 4 ]. The Challenge of Leadership, October 17, 2014.
[ 5 ]. Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. (New York: Seabury Books, 2007.) Kindle Edition, location 1129.
[ 6 ]. Ibid., 2510.
[ 7 ]. Ibid., 2426-2891.
[ 8 ]. Ibid., 132.