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Getting Past No Summary

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Submitted By davidk9122
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• Joint problem-solving helps turn face-to-face confrontation (which is an attack on a person) and funnel the energy into tackling the problem.
• 5 Barriers to Cooperation o Your Reaction (control it) o Their Emotion (understand it) o Their Position (stand in it) o Their Dissatisfaction (identify with it) o Their Power (deflect it)
• 5 Challenges o Don’t react (regain mental balance, focus on achieving what you want) o Disarm your opponent (diffuse defensiveness, breakthrough resistance) o Change the game (bargaining over positions to meeting interests) o Make it easy to say Yes! (guide to mutually beneficial agreement) o Make it hard to say No! (enhance your own power to battle resistance, put forward a circumstance where participation is inevitable)
• Let the other person have your way! -- Breakthrough negotiation
• Preparation is key to ensuring that you are ready for curve balls. o Before each meeting o After every meeting, assess progress so that you can alter/address/adapt your strategy, and then prepare again.
• Identify interests, options for satisfying interests, standards for resolving conflict fairly, alternatives, and proposals for agreement. o Interests: both Yours and Theirs → what are they? o Options: part of an agreement, specific commitment (do not dwell on a single solution. o Standards: how do you resolve the issue? turn opposition into a brainstorm. o Alternatives: BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) → Identify Yours, Boost, Decide, Identify Theirs: ideally a walk-away agreement/best course of action. o Proposals: What would you be content with?
• 3 Reactions: o Striking Back: rarely advances immediate interests, damages relationships o Giving In: results in an unsatisfactory outcome, exploits weakness o Breaking Off: Financial and Emotional Costs are often high
• Strategies: o Balcony: take time to breathe (privately) by stepping back and away. o Distance yourself from your negotiators and everyone else o Recollect your prior thoughts and recondition your mind
• 3 Unfair Tactics: o Stonewalling: refusal to budge
 Ignore it
 Reinterpret it as an aspiration (think like an ant)
 Test it o Attacks: pressure tactics designed to intimidate and give in
 Deflect and ignore it (what you don’t recognize, isn’t a threat)
 “They are not attacking you, they are attack the problem”
 Past wrongs convert to future remedies
 It is not “you” against “me” → We are working together o Tricks: dupe you into giving in; take advantage of good faith.
 use it to your advantage by turning it into a guarantee (it will be harder to object)
• Recognize the tactic by looking for a “mismatch” o Between words and actions o Facial expressions, body language, tone of voice
 eg: liars can control facial expressions by not tone of voice (raising in tone, high-pitch due to anxiety). One clue is not enough...remember what Dr Paul Ekman said. o They are seeing ‘how far can they go’ and ‘how much can they get away with’. o Make it easy for them to give up their tactic. If they are being rude, say “it seems like you are having a rough day” (that’ll teach ‘em) o Don’t accuse but make them realize what they are doing: for interruption, use their name, look them in the eye and say “may I finish my sentence?” o You are negotiating about something specific, don’t get distracted or allow anything else to interfere.
• Know your hot buttons o recognize your feelings and learn how to control them before you meet o this will help to know when opponents are using and trying to manipulate you o Remember: they don’t know any better.
• Use time to your advantage: o pauses can help to understand what is being said -- it goes both ways o remember to think before you speak, it will save time and be a possible life/deal saver o by saying nothing, you give the other side nothing to push back against o They’re not yelling at you, they’re yelling for themselves. Let them get it out of their system. It doesn’t affect you at all. o suspend your impulses -- freeze your behavior o James 1:19 “...Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (NIV).
• Rewind the tape o “You’ve given me too much information to digest so quickly. Let’s back up.” o “Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you and I reach final agreement of all the clauses the day before yesteday?”
• Slow down the negotiation by writing things down. Don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for the other party to repeat something so you can write it down.
“I’m sorry, I missed that. Could you please repeat that? o not only buys you time to think, but shows you are taking the other party seriously.
• Time-out: Make sure you have an appropriate excuse ready o “We’ve been talking for some time now. Before continuing, let me suggest a quick coffee break.” o Don’t be afraid to take “caucus”
• Do not make important decisions on the spot. o Remember the ‘Sleep on it’ rule
• Don’t get mad, don’t get even. Get what you want. o BATNA
• Uberrimae Fidei
• It is tempting to ignore the emotion and focus on the problem o Don’t give in to negative emotions o Remember the “balcony” is a easier way out and is less damaging.
• Active Listening o Give an ear to the other side o Paraphrasing is a good way to ensure you understand what is being said
 Ask for corrections → ensures clarity is maintained
• In their shoes → feelings, emotions, POV, etc all help.
• Remember the other side are humans...offer an apology.
• Always be confident and do not show weakness. Know your POV inside-out.
• Agreeing whenever you can is a good way to progress and reach a solution/BATNA. o Just make sure you agree without conceding → focus on what you can agree on o Humor humanizes you in the eyes of others. Remember to smile. This is not a funeral.
• Yes is the magic word. It is not your enemy
• Acknowledgement goes a long way. Authority and salutations are important, do not discount them as they are earned not bought.
• Never say “but”. Substitute it for “AND”
• Never say “you”. Substitute it for “I” o Stand up for yourself when you are threatened. o When there is a difference, acknowledge it and work around it
• Negotiation climate goes a long way...If they feel comfortable and open, it is your gain. You need to be comfortable too!
• Asking “Why?” can be a life-saver (remember problem-solving questions)
• “If” o is perfect for making the hard sell o ability to turn positional confrontation into a problem-solving negotiation
• Ask for advice and what makes
• Open-ended questions allows for input, explanation and discussion
• Closed questions are good for ‘sealing the deal’
• Brainstorming is a good way of involving the other side in recognizing options and reconciling common interests. o ask for constructive criticism on each idea put forward to weed out ones that ‘don’t cut it’ o by offering the other party a choice, alternatives can be sought and worked into an agreement o interests that are not aligned still need to be met. Do not forget to account for these when negotiations hit the wall. o remember to also account for intangibles (security, recognition)
• Trade-offs / Sweeten the deal o High benefit to them, low cost to you o If-Then formula leaves room for performance-based rewards
 If you *increase sales by 20% over the next 6 months* then you agree to a $10,000 bonus*?
• Remember to be fair!
• If a step-by-step / phase approach is not agreeable by the other party, don’t push them to agree. Keep “Final Commitments” to the end. This is not a race. Be patient and delicate.
• When negotiation seems to be getting tough, demonstrate your BATNA (what you plan to do without having to carry it out). o Do not try and over-power them...that is not the objective. Neutralize their attacks by being wise and considerate. o Utilizing third-parties should be a last resort but can be helpful to reaching agreement.
• Just because you win, doesn’t mean you should stop negotiating. Remember to satisfy intangibles and interests of the other party. o You are forging a lifetime agreement (so to speak), so design the deal to be a ‘win-win’ situation (mutual satisfaction) by minimizing risks and committing to implementation.
• 17 Camels Story o Step back and look at the problem with fresh eyes o Change your POV
• 5 Steps of Breakthrough Negotiation o 1. Go to the Balcony o 2. Step to Their Side o 3. Reframe o 4. Build Them a Golden Bridge o 5. Use Power to Educate

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