Misunderstood Methods: The Positive Results of Chinese-American Parenting At the age of seven, Lulu had never been to a sleepover and was not allowed to watch TV or play computer games. Instead, she was told she would exert her efforts on maintaining perfect grades and mastering the piano. Her mother supervised three hours of piano practice every day to prepare for her weekly lesson. At one point, Lulu was working on a piece called “The Little White Donkey.” The song had complicated rhythms that easily got muddled between the left and right hands. The day before a lesson, Lulu got up from the piano and declared that she gave up trying to get it right. As she rose, her mother ordered her to sit back down. When Lulu protested, her mother threatened to take her dollhouse away and donate it to Salvation Army. Lulu continued to play, but after a short time, she put up more of a fight. The practice turned into a screaming match between Lulu and her mother, with Lulu kicking and punching in resistance. The threats continued as her mother told her she would take away Christmas and Hanukkah presents, birthday parties and meals; she told Lulu that she was being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent, and pathetic. The fight continued, but Lulu kept playing. Finally, after a night of warfare, Lulu’s hands executed the perfect rhythms. She could play the piece. That night, Lulu and her mother snuggled, hugged, and laughed in celebration of her achievement. Lulu’s mother is Amy Chua, the author of the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Her story is a memoir of her experiences in Chinese parenting. In general, the tactics of Chinese parents are controversial to Americans, who feel that the parents are far too hostile and unreasonable. Chua defends her tactics by giving a Chinese parent’s point of view: “The Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away” (Chua 2). Although the methods may seem extreme to Westerners, Chinese parents have high standards because they believe they are helping their children. The surprising fact is that strict methods produce more positive results than expected. Although the parenting tactics seem harsh and insensitive, the children raised with the Chinese parenting style do better academically, the parents feel fulfillment from helping their child succeed, and Chinese families build closer bonds with each other. This leads to a stable, successful family that is proud of their achievements. One of the most prominent aspects of Chinese parenting is the importance placed on academic success, which leads to Chinese children doing better academically than any other racial group. In fact, “Chinese adolescents had significantly higher grades than European American adolescents” (Chao, “Extending Research” 1837), in a test regarding school outcome in relation to race. To make this happen, Chinese parents go above and beyond what other parents do for their child’s education. It is usual for a child in a Chinese home to be at the top of their class, and if any grade other than an “A” is brought home, the parents feel there is need for intervention. Studies have found that Asian American parents take an active role in helping their children through tutoring, checking homework, arranging for extra work, and scheduling their child’s time carefully (Chao, “Chinese and European” 404). For Chinese-American parents, school work is often important because they did not have the opportunities that their children have been given. The parents believe their children should make the most of all the chances they have to learn. They also have full confidence in their children. In a survey, Chinese mothers said they encouraged their child because they knew their child was the best and that their child’s achievement would reflect their success as parents (Corrigan). The high standards are not set to be unreasonable; rather, they are set so the child never stops trying to get better. Chinese-Americans have confidence in their children, and the success in school gives the parents a feeling of success in their parenting. The feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction that Chinese-American parents get when their child succeeds are also positive results of the parenting style. The Chinese parents know that their child can do well, so their rules and motivation are meant to show their child how much they care: “Rather than feeling externally pressured, children internalize their parents’ goals…making them their own” (Seal). When these goals are met, the parents can celebrate as much as the child. To get to that point however, Chinese parents feel that they give up more than their children do. When asked, Chinese mothers reported that they felt that they have given up everything by showing more care, investing attention, and making sacrifices of time and money to see their children succeed (Chao, “Chinese and European” 411). While most of the focus is on how the Chinese parenting technique affects the children, it should not be forgotten that the parents are not necessarily enjoying the discipline they must enforce. Amy Chua gives an explicitly honest side to the story: “Many Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than Westerners” (Chua 3). This sacrifice gives the Chinese parents that great feeling when their children do achieve what they have been pushing for. They put so much passion into their parenting that they begin to identify with the child. Although Chinese parents are notorious for their lack of compassion, the victory of their children is what many feel strongly about. This amount of concern for their child’s success leads to a special bond that is also a payoff for Chinese parents. The harsh discipline and high standards that come with the Chinese parenting technique lead to unexpectedly strong family bonds and a feeling of closeness. To the Chinese, family life is central and each person should feel a strong sense of responsibility to their family before themselves. A study described Chinese-American families as “hard working, conforming, and cohesive” (Julian et al. 31). The effort that both the parents and children have had to put forth is enough to bring them closer. They are constantly working toward the same goal. In stating her list of differences between Chinese and Western parents, Amy Chua touches on the fact that this family closeness is a cultural aspect: “Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything...the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children...[that] the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud” (Chua 3). Chinese-American children simply feel that it is a duty to bring respect to their families. It has also been found that Chinese parents realize this culture difference and how it affects their parenting. These are some of the themes Chinese mothers listed when describing their families: Children have high respect and regard for family, parents offer family stability, parents enforce stability by motivating children, Chinese culture emphasizes education, and parents convey to their children that they must work harder because they are a minority (Chao, “Chinese and European” 410). It is interesting that the minority factor is used to push for success. Chinese families let their children know that they should embrace their opportunities, but they also feel that they need to stick together. They still have a sense that they are different and must protect one another. The Chinese parenting style proves to be a method involving both parental control and deep undertones of compassion. Despite the positive results of Chinese parenting, there is constant negative response found in forums, blogs, and even real life interactions. Westerners do not feel shy voicing their opinions about the Chinese parenting style. The debate about the morality and effectiveness of the methods has become a huge discussion in American culture today. Chinese-American children are also speaking up, saying that they don't appreciate their parent's efforts now that they are older. A blog by Jane Chin is devoted to mental health, partly because she believes her parent's harsh criticism played a part in her developing depression and bipolar disorder. “I also think that consistent coercion...[is] NOT the only way to raise respectful and academically achieving children. If anything, this only proves that Chinese parents haven't found a more intelligent and creative way to engage their children,” she says. This holds true for many Chinese adults who have been exposed to the process. Many people also point to the statistics. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that Chinese-American college students have the highest rate of suicide of any racial group (CDC “Morbidity”). This could be because they were simply pushed too hard as children. People argue that because their parents were so controlling as children, Chinese-Americans don't know how to manage their time and be successful on their own and the stress of not being at the top gets to them. Lastly, there is the Western parent's response that they are against the Chinese technique because they find it cruel. These same parents also make a point to add that they have never felt envious of the Chinese children doing better than theirs. Instead, they feel their children are well-rounded and possess traits that Chinese children will never have. “As a result of our Western coddle-parenting, our country tends to hold in high regard intelligence and work ethic even as it values other traits, like charisma, humor, positive attitude, kindness, compassion, honesty, a good effort, reliability, and personality,” says Jackie Tithof Steere, a proud Western mother. Some Western parents feel that their accomplishments as parents have gone unnoticed and feel the need to express their feelings about Chinese methods. However, the Chinese-American children are consistently performing better academically, the Chinese parents feel proud of their contribution toward the success, and the families feel close as a result. It is surprising for some to find that a system so different than their own could be producing children with more success. This makes it even more important to acknowledge the positive results of Chinese parenting, regardless of how it compares to personal experiences. The results are undeniable. The methods may seem extreme to some, but in the Chinese culture, the children are thriving, the parents are proud, and the familial relationships are indestructible.

Works Cited
Chao, Ruth K. “Chinese and European American Mothers' Beliefs about the Role of Parenting in Children's School Success.” Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology 27.403 (1996): 404-422. JSTOR. Web. 7 March 2011.
Chao, Ruth K. “Extending Research on the Consequences of Parenting Style for Chinese Americans and European Americans.” Child Development 72.6 (Nov-Dec 2001): 1832-1843. JSTOR. Web. 1 March 2011.
Chin, Jane. “Tiger Mothers? It's Called Abuse.” Jane's Mental Health Source Page. Chinspirations, 2011. Web. 9 March 2011.
Chua, Amy. “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.” WSJ. Dow Jones, 2011. Web. 7 March 2011.
Corrigan, Maureen. “Tiger Mothers: Raising Children The Chinese Way.” NPR. NPR, 2011. Web. 8 March 2011.
“Morbidity and Mortality Report.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. USA.gov. Web. 9 March 2011.
Julian, Teresa W., Patrick C. McKenry, and Mary W. McKelvey. “Cultural Variations in Parenting.” Family Relations 43 (1994): 30-37. JSTOR. Web. 1 March 2011.
Seal, Kathy. “Do Asian-American Parents Push Their Kids?” Miller McCune. Miller McCune Magazine, 2010. Web. 8 March 2011.
Tithof Steer, Jackie. “Chinese Mothers are Not Superior to American Moms: Why Yale's Amy Chua is Grossly Mistaken.” Chicago Tribune, 2010. Web. 9 March 2011.