Looking Inwards, Looking Outwards
To those who know me I am Graya – so called because my friend Donnie was reminded by me of her crazy grandmother in South Africa, who when annoyed at the monkeys and baboons that climbed into her fruit trees to eat the fruit, would shoot fireworks into the trees and at the next instant there would be stone cold dead monkeys who died of shock, lying on the ground and she would be whooping in victory. I am also Carla - a 17 year old experiencing life through dark brown eyes. No matter how exceptional, amazing and unique I’d like to think I am, who I am is really a reflection of many other things put together. Numerous parts of different jigsaw puzzles pieced together to form a new picture. Vital pieces of whose absence would have made another person, not the one I am. I always say I’m different. Never quite what people expect on a first impression. Friends have categorized me as a pessimist, a naturalistic thinker, a boring, little, nerdy person until we became friends and they realized I had a few screws loose in my head and then found themselves laughing at my jokes and mostly moronic and offending ideas.
I believe our experiences in life whether good or bad are what help define who we are. We cannot experience what we are until we encounter what we are not. It is through what we are not that we can be defined. The theory of relativity sustains my beliefs as to know ourselves is not to overcome all earthly passions but to understand them and understand what defines who we are. My experiences and beliefs arise from the relationships I have experienced in both Brazil and Australia, the relationships with my family, friends and people I have met. I learnt that relationships are constantly challenging, calling for us to express ourselves and experience with these people the different aspects that we reveal of ourselves. We can never not deserve to be in a relationship with anyone based on what we expose to each other and what is shared; we simply grow and learn from each relationship whether good or bad.
I relate to this with my group of friends. I have never been able to grow up with any friends due to the fact that we were constantly moving every year until 2004 when I moved to Sau Paulo. I have had an ever-changing group of friends and have been friends with almost everyone in our grade up until some point during grade 10 where I realised that most of the people I was previously friends and most of the grade were illiterate morons who now focused only on getting drunk and getting laid. Not that I begrudge them, like I have previously said, people make their own choices and decisions and that is what they become. At times I have envied them for their freedom, disregard and happiness at simply being rather than constantly working hard at school, work or at home. I now realise how fortunate I am not to have wasted my life and the opportunities present to simple pleasures and appreciate what I learnt from them and my parents constant nagging.
I have grown closer to the people in my classes who actually strived for a common goal - to achieve the best they could to pursue their career path. These people motivate me to be better than them and for that I will always appreciate them. They are all the most honest, considerate, respectful and reliable people who I am graced with having for friends. They are my foundation and make me proud and humble for what I have and what I have achieved.
All my beliefs imply the significance of an individual’s perception of our world and how one witnesses it. Everything I know depends on my perception of whatever it is, whether it is a girl I just met and decided I didn’t like her or fragrance in the air floating by my nose. Everyone creates their own world – every soul determines where it wants to be. As the philosopher Sam Miller believes; the soul is ones identity - the true metaphysical being present within that is both divine and whole. The spirit continues our existence after our physical death but since the life we lead is not final. Our bodies, minds and souls are one; therefore through my experiences, thoughts, relationships and beliefs, I feel that everyone must strive not to make a living - but a life.
I am currently exploring all avenues of myself from life experiences, perceptions, knowledge gained, curiosity, and the desire to learn and discover my intellect. I believe all occurrences create the person I am today. I am evolving by using my relationship and curiosity with my surroundings I decide what I want to become. Through my experiences I create who I want to become and by my decisions, I paint a portrait of myself.